When I awoke in my hospital recovery, it was like night and day. I felt like I was given new life and I felt full of life with blood flowing strong, breathing normal, and no pain. I got out of bed and started to dance. That movement caused the groin artery incision to blow out like a grapefruit and it almost killed me. A male nurse had to apply direct pressure for eight hours and saved my life. I was out of the hospital within a few days when I remembered my very disturbing NDE came to me. It was not in a dream, but an awake memory. I was watching as the two paramedics wheeled me into emergency surgery. Then everything went blank. The next thing I knew was that I was suspended in a vast black darkness. I was terrified, heading towards a black mist. It was not a wet mist, but more like a black fog. At this point, I am watching these events from both inside my body as well as outside my body. As I enter this fog, feet first on my back, the feeling begins to leave my body starting at my feet. The feeling creeps towards my head. I am terrified as I am surrounded by vast darkness and black fog. I am screaming and crying, 'No! No! I do not want to go! Please God, I don't want to go there!' I have never been so terrified. As the fog passes my legs and moves upward to my midsection, I am losing feeling in my arms. The panic really sets in. I continue begging God to please help and pull me back out of this blackness. A presence grabs my upper body and pulls me out of the fog. This daydream only happened once, but I remember the actual experience like it was yesterday.
Date NDE Occurred: May, 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack. Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function)
I suffered a heart attack at work and was transported to the nearest hospital. I was put in intensive care because the hospital was not cardiac-care equipped. (As soon as I was stable, they would transfer me to a cardiac ready hospital.) The unit was empty except for one nurse and me. During the early morning hours, I experienced chest pain but could not get the nurse to respond. Then all I remember is being on a gurney with two emergency medical technicians bringing me to the other hospital. They kept telling me to, 'Hang on' and 'Stay with us.' I woke up in recovery after the heart catheterization and stent implant.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw myself on the gurney with the two emergency medical technicians (EMTs) telling me to hang on. The two EMTs saw me after I came out of surgery and were amazed that I knew whom they were and that I knew they had wheeled me in so franticly that they hit the gurney on a door and nearly toppled it over.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal It was much more intense and had more meaning than anything I had ever experienced.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was being pulled into the black fog, it seemed very real. This was not an afterthought or a dream. This memory must have been released for a specific reason. It still confuses and haunts me.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
At this point, time meant nothing, but also meant everything. It was a very strange feeling.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I have poor vision but it was as if I could see blackness stretching out forever.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The only thing I could hear during the experience was my own screams.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Darkness
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place There was vast empty blackness; a complete void. Then I saw the black fog that approached my feet, as it was ready to consume me.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I remember no emotion watching myself being wheeled in, but the vast black darkness was the most terrifying experience I have ever had. I have had quite a number of terrifying situations in my life, but none ever this intense.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I begged God to please help me and pull me out of this fog.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Catholic not a practicing cathloc or churchgoer.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes My belief in God is more powerful than ever.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Other Christian after experience, met a pastor and she and I became friends. I was baptized by her ministry.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Belief in God
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin A physical force pulled me out of that black fog.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain I came to understand you may end up in a vast place filled with nothingness, for whatever reason. I was given a chance and saved from it.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I still don't understand the concept of god, but it has made me a believer.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? I was uncertain if God exists
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes when I asked for God's help, I was pulled back from the fog.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I've always believed in kindness and love, now the feelings are much deeper.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I slightly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I greatly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Uncertain this could have been a wakeup call, I think I am fortunate to have been given this chance to reevaluate my life and how I live it.
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My wife of 30 years has survived breast cancer and now does not want to be tied down with a man with medical problems. She has been given a second chance at life and chooses to be selfish and self-serving, like the world owes her because she had cancer. It's sad really, I tried to explain to her that she was given a special chance to give and love, but she believes the world and everyone owes her. This causes me great sorrow.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Very meaningful thoughts come to mind with such a rush. I have to write them down before I forget them. They are very profound thoughts on life and its meaning and our whole existence. A wonderful understanding of love and happiness all mixed in with realization of how we all throw it away and waste our lives on meaningless nonsense.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Pleading with God to help me, and his physical presence pulling me back was, well, significant to say the least.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my pastor friend about three months after I met her; six months after the heart attack.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I had heard about white light and out of body experiences.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real When I remembered it, right from that point on, I had no doubt, whatsoever that it was real.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It was the most real experience ever and it still seems like it happened yesterday.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I have told this experience to a handful of people. A few understand and believe, but the majority looks at me as if I am crazy.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? None at this time, thank you!
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