Nathan R NDE

Experience Description

I nearly drowned at a beach after being hit by several waves. I fell unconscious. Then, I found myself in a nearly pitch-black space. As I felt around, my body felt like I was moving through glue. I felt severe pain in my joints. I tried to rub away the pain and felt metal. My entire body was made out of old, rusted metal and that was why I couldn't move very well.

Then, I realized I was being watched. I saw dark figures who were miles tall with white eyes looking down at me from far away. I forced myself to run to them, moving faster then I ever did in my life. I was screaming in pain, but I had to go to those people and ask them what happened to me. The pain got so bad that I had to crawl to keep going. But I was still going faster than I had ever gone before.

When I finally got to one of the tall people, I realized that they were a giant tree. I turned and ran to the others, and they were trees too. I feel like I ran back and forth between them for years before I made a forest. I felt like an animal, sprinting on all fours, trapped in the metal cage that was my body. I felt like I forgot who I was and I was just desperate to get out of this forest now.

I finally found a living person after all that time. When I caught them, I could hardly get the words out. I just stood there, my voice coming out hoarse from screaming for so many years. I couldn't recognize my own voice anymore, and the person who heard me was scared. They started screaming and hitting me with something. I needed to know what happened, but they hated me. I tried to tell them I was lost and needed help. But they kept hitting me, so I hit them back to protect myself.

My body was metal, so I broke the person almost immediately. I was so terrified of what I did, that I ran away. I ran, screamed, and cried for days about what I did. Then I found another person, and the same situation happened again. That event kept happening, and I felt like I enjoyed doing it a little more each time it did. I felt like I was losing myself and I cared less and less the longer it went on. It repeated for what felt like forever until I woke up on the beach after a lifeguard resuscitated me.

I hate this part the most, and this is the only place I've spoken about it. But I need to get it out of my head and on somewhere else. I didn't recognize anybody I met or perceived. I can't recall features, gender, hair color, or their faces.

I haven't mentioned it to anyone since. I still have nightmares about it every once in a while, but I don't think they are 'experiences' like the first one was, just scary dreams. I think I'm still alive instead of stuck in that awful place because I have to make up for what I did there, or maybe I have to find and help someone like me who no one understands, but everyone fears. I haven't been to the beach since.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 09/20/2018

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Drowning. CPR given Life threatening event, but not clinical death I experienced multiple perspectives during the experience. I am unaware if I simply saw, or Was the other figures involved other than myself.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It felt like how 'sensory overload' is described. I heard and saw every single movement from everything. Everything was so overwhelming and it made me feel like crying.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Whenever I 'killed' someone in that forest, I could smell everything. I could hear every tiny thing in that forest, and I could see everything as if it was bright as day. At every other point in time, everything felt muffled and dulled, and the forest became almost totally dark again.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I feel like I might have been in that space for several years, but everything occurred quickly. I traveled several miles in a couple minutes by just running, but everything repeated for so long. I stopped trying to keep track of events.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was almost completely black for most of the time. I wasn't blind, but I couldn't see much. I normally have no vision problems.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was only able to hear during the heightened sensation periods. My normal hearing is fine.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain. The people I encountered were normal humans as far as I know. I did not recognize any of them and I can't recall any unique features now.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The eyes of the tall people that became trees glowed a little, like stars. But they might have actually been stars between the branches of the trees.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. The black empty space that eventually became a very dark forest filled with giant trees.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear/panic, sadness, desperation, confinement, joy (this occurred when I 'killed' someone, and it did not feel like me experiencing it)

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. Right before I woke up, I saw an image of what I think was my own face. It was the same rusted metal, but twisted and covered in blood. I felt like I screamed out of fear, and it screamed back with my own voice.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Atheist Raised Catholic, became atheist around the age of 15.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I did not have very strong opinions or beliefs on death or an afterlife up until this point. Even now, I would still like to believe that death is simply a long sleep without dreams. I try not to think on anything more complex than that.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe I have to try to be more charitable and kinder to others to make up for what I did during the experience. If not to prevent that from occurring again, then at least for my own mental health.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I was certain I was being watched by the tall people. It felt like I was a caged animal at a circus.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain The tall people I saw seem like passive observers. I don't know anything else other than that I Think I saw them.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I may have seen/experienced what will happen to me after I die.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably does not exist. Uncertain. I am worried that what I experienced was what would become of me or my soul after I die. Because I nearly died, I think I genuinely experienced it before being brought back, and that I would return to that dark forest when I pass. I worry that where we go to be punished in the afterlife could be individualized spaces, rather than a shared 'realm' (Hell, purgatory, etc.) I am atheist/agnostic, and don't place much value in faith, but I was raised Catholic by a very religious family.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Slight changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain When I try to remember what I saw, everything seems so muddled together. The distance between things felt like miles, but I always got there so fast. Everything looked like it had no texture, like it was covered in a thick coat of paint.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events t

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I have never experienced or seen anything from that experience before, or since. That experience was entirely unique to my life.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I was only aware of the popularized 'light at the end of the tunnel', 'life flashing by', 'speaking to the dead', and 'seeing heaven/hell' experiences that are commonly seen on television.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real Immediately after the experience, I believed it was just a horrible nightmare that happened while I was unconscious. After a few days, I began realizing how long that experience felt, and recalled more details of what happened. Everything felt like a memory of real life events.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real The longer I think about the experience, the more I feel that I had actually been in that space. I still don't genuinely believe in a soul, or afterlife, but this event feels undeniably real to me.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain I just wanted a place to put these feelings and thoughts into words, and get it off my chest. I am going to therapy to resolve other life issues, but have not spoken about this experience.