I was in a severe depression. I was drinking too much. My love life was not good. It was the fall, now I call it the autumn, in NYC. It was a sort of Holly Go-lightly gone totally awry. I used to joke and call it Holly Go-heavy. There was a Disco song by Teri DeSario; I played until the groove wore out. I wanted to sleep after several Remy Cognacs, so I took a few sleeping tabs. Then I realized that Mom had told me never mix these things. I grabbed a phone, dialed 911, ran to the bathroom tried to get sick. I saw myself over my body, I watched myself on the bed as the paramedics tried to revive me. Then there was the tunnel, the infamous tunnel. I went down the tunnel. It is hard not to go down the tunnel, as the accepted joke now is ‘just the tip,’ it never happens! You have no reason not to go through the tunnel! I was whirling around the earth. First, I saw limbo: Spirits who had no idea. Like no clue. They spun around the earth like helpless ghosts. I don't want to waste time, much like the clueless dead. I found myself over the Caribbean, (dare I say Devil's Triangle?), in the ethos, and in the stars. I WAS ASKED A QUESTION. It was big, it was great, and there was no choice to answer incorrectly. I saw heaven. It was full of beautiful children, all singing like a child's choir. All I could think of was the Holy Spirit. Later I was asked, ‘why children’, I say, ‘of course the children, the blameless, the helpless’. I had no personal choice, my answer was, NO. It had the idea of, had I lived a life of love and giving? I don't really remember. But I hadn't. I felt I really couldn't say yes. It was binary: YES/NO. No judgment. I had just the wish to be ready. Knowing then my only other choice was to go back.
Date NDE Occurred: 09/09/79
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
I felt intensely that my life had come to an apex. It was not as much of a life-threatening event as a life-exasperating event. I sensed that on the change of that decade that the changes were as monumental as they turned out to be. There was soon, thereafter, in my world, the plague of HIV where I lost hundreds of friends.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes The actions that were taken over my body to revive it.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The ‘question’. Later I wrote a poem called ‘Bring back the ‘question’. What was this binary ‘question’ asked of me, by dare I say, GOD? I dare not presume. I know that in this grand presence I knew, to say ‘No’. I knew I was not there, I knew I had not arrived at that plane. No angst, no remorse, no regret, just resolve to arrive. Higher, it was as if almost, shocked to see clearly. Knowing that what I saw was true. There could be no convincing me otherwise. In my heart of hearts I am truly convinced what I saw was true.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time did not exist.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was more ethereal, almost dare I say Sci-Fi. The moment of my ‘question’, I had no body; the voice had no body. Like two voices at the most relaxed point of a massage.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The words weren't English. They were like binary words. I knew I understood them, I knew I could answer them. But I have no Idea what they were.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They had no idea. These people could not answer the ‘question’ and were stuck in limbo. I don't know how to explain it, but there are those who know and there are those who live in a darkness of their own choosing.
The experience included: Void
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Very bright up to the right hand side.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place Yes as if above the earth. Very high, it felt like it was above the devil's triangle.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Removed or questioning as to, ‘where am I?’ Absence of emotion at all, but it was not negativity.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Whatever a quandary was before was now clear. I wasn't sad, or missing anything.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Episcopal-Christian. C of E. Church of England. some what Buddist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me
What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant Episcopal, different from protestant, as more high Church, close to RC but with Marriage for priests, no confession, and divorce. Less dry than protestant. For me personally, throw in some buddhism.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I may have believed or as they say given "lip service" to but after my experience, my conviction to what I was now very sure of was cemented.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes More purpose.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin There was a ‘question’, a definite ‘question’. It was not in a real language although I understood it. There was no choice and my answer was ‘NO’.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Love, it was something to do with Love. have you loved your fellow man , have you done all you can, have you lived for this, was all in one question. LoL Am I Mother Theresa. the answer is NO
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes You have another chance. as in Buddhist, Tibetan book of the dead.You are not truly you as you are now, but you can get to, heaven, nirvana.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists┬
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Some how the question is presented. God, the being in all of us, I think a supreme being. This binary question is too big.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I feel, I see, I know, I watch people act the fool. I am always surprised to see fools, people who will live in limbo.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Like the Beatles. LOVE LOVE LOVE
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There is Nirvana or Heaven. And re-incarnation , when the answer is no.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes How to live my life to answer yes. That is, have I helped mankind, have I aided in positive evolution, have I even done anything in that direction?
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes They are nothing, people who become obsessed with them go to limbo. let go and let god. . .
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love one another, more about love than any other principal.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life, seeing a destination, realizing there is somewhere to go.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It was like, brand in the most relevant , sci-fi /religious experience you can ever have in you life. know in your heart of hearts it is real , words to live by, then try to move forward with everyone else.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I started reading Tarot cards quite well.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? The ‘question’, I understood it anyway, and how or why. What was it? This ‘question’: bring back the ‘question’, the non-lingual ‘question’; or the answer.
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