Experience Description

I recall conscious awareness from when I was in utero. However, I am not sure of the chronological order of these events. I remember the contractions all around me. I was 'seeing' in the darkness. I could feel my mother’s fear. I was feeling overcome by drugged sleep, and sliding and losing control going down a slippery slope. I guess that is both literal and metaphorical. I felt a sheer veil of panic. It felt like everything was moving very fast but slow at the same time. I was very aware that there wasn’t anybody there to receive me. They didn’t even see me or know I was there! I have always had this feeling I am not seen, or that they think I'm invisible. I feel/see the room along with the doctor and two nurses. At the same time, I saw my dad in joy about me. But I am in a bell jar with the feeling of being disconnected between us. Like a museum piece.

The lights were very bright. I was stuck on my back and couldn't move. I was very cold. I also saw my 'spiritual family' of about six people. There was a 'mom and dad,' two siblings, and a little blonde one year old girl in a dress in front of the mom. Mom had her hands on the little girl's shoulders. The father and son of seven or eight were the same way. Next to them to the right were two more adults. There is a sense of many more behind them, like a whole crowd, but I didn’t see them. I wanted to be with them but they conveyed that they couldn't come. They had to stay, but they are always with me. I had to go as I moved away from them. I am consciousness, but not yet with a body .I hear the siren of the ambulance. It is loud. I am bounced around. Panic is around me but it isn’t what I feel. I am just present. Next I recall being under bright lights. It hurts. There are tubes in me. I feel pinned. I am above the incubator. I can see this little scrawny wrinkled red baby full of tubes and tape. I am back in the box though I can’t see it. I can feel the confinement, the inside corners of the glass box. There is a big (male) head close, with a distorted face, staring at me. All they do is come and stare at me and go away again.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: June 1 1958

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' Just after birth it was determined that I had jaundice and complications which required immediate emergency hospital transfer to children's hospital. I was given blood transfusions and was kept in an incubator for six weeks. I was also one month premature. I became a part of the John Hopkins research study until I was five.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I don't recall at this time. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness I said 'normal' above because it was the only state I knew. Later it was adjusting to the heavy, limited, boundary constraints of living in a body.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? There were several times when I was at the peak of my consciousness. While in utero. Feeling my mom disengage from here. Seeing my spiritual family. Realizing there is no one home to receive me! Loud sirens. Bright lights. A big, distorted male face. Being above the incubator looking down at myself. Being pinned on my back with no contact.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning 'Time’ is not an experience in this state of consciousness. There was a rapid succession of events.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I think that newborns they don't have cognitive understanding or association with the world they are newly to. Yet I did, whether when in the body or out of the body. I have come to accept the all-knowing and all seeing reality of the conscious state. It is challenging to be with this and the duality world simultaneously. I must mention here that all my life I have had to grapple and have felt challenged by the bombardment of vivid experiences. I didn't have a context at peace with it. It wasn't integrated and smooth. The experiences were quite tormenting, actually. And then I did seven years of intense work with a 'spiritual mid-wife,’ I will call her, that healed much of the damage that was a result of my consciousness and psychic abilities not being nurtured, understood, or groomed. Your site talks about how to be with and support the near death experiencer. I didn't get this. My parents criticized my heightened physical sensitivity as being a hypochondriac.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember noticing hearing much in utero. But I can tell you I have always during my life (post near death experience) had very sensitive hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, but the facts have not been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes Not as you mean. The tunnel to the light? Mine was the birthing tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Only my spirit world family mentioned above.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes But separate from me? No. I was the unearthly light glow. Many of your questions and descriptions come from the world of duality. Such as the concept of me as one and then the light as another. I was everything and then, I came into a conscious construct of duality. Me and other.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No Again, your language comes from the physical plane to 'that other state.’ My awareness and existence came from 'there' to 'here' and returned via my out of body episodes.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm. A disengaged calm. In my world (my bell jar), I could experience 'boundary of my world where the interface with 'the outer world.' It had fear, chaos, and anxiety, with a bit of confusion to it, too.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe 'Understand' even connotes duality. My sense of 'peace and calm' was ‘understanding everything.’

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I was determined to be alive.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown

What was your religion prior to your experience? No comment

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Once I started to remember it, I became more active in spiritual practices.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I have a strong connection with buddhism, spiritualists, reincarnation, universalism

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Iknew/believed ALL was One yet I was experiencing separation. I knew/believed All was One yet 'these people'didnt know so.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I haven't distinguished it, though I know there is an ongoing progressive evolution. I made some incorrect conclusions as well. I was alone. I was very angry for many years and resentful that I was left on this 'Dirt Wad' called Earth. It was hard to resolve because it is not to 'resolve,' it was to remember the 'knowing'.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No Not other than my ‘spirit family’ I described above. I felt surrounded and emanating light versus the Light of 'other.' I was light.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Again, I was'living an awareness'pre-this life, entering this world and living this life... about a decade or two ago (time is irrelevant) I caught myself (like in the back ground glimpsed myself doing... )creating a 'future portal' for a future lifetime

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes How do I describe the hum of "IS"?

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No No...there is no 'greater' OTHER. WE are it....this 'I KNOW' Even if my rational earth mind can't wrap around this. I have been evolving myself to be able to be with this paradox

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? I am uncertain if God exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I wasn’t cognizant of what it was or meant until I was forty two.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Yes....I was to be HERE

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes :-) I was coming in from the realm of life before birth.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown

Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Later...after healing much of the damage from not being gotten or supported and actually came to believe they (parents, teachers, etc) were out to annihilate me/Sprit so 'I' went under cover/un-conscious... i real-ized that 'We' is so, and therefore can never be 'alone'...even after we enter this earthly dimension... [I just realized perhaps 'I got this conclusion through the interaction described above with my spirit family.] 2) Being connected, loving and inclusive (the quality of the 'Greaterness')without earth worldly reenforcement has been an on going challenge to living in this world of devision and domination at the expense of others. the'reluctant-messiah'(richard Bach) burden progressively lifted with recollection (re-collection) & recognition(re-cognition)...to the reality that I AM a Light bearer and that I am one of the portal points for the Light to shine out from, and that ANYTHING and Everything I do, say, am, is the expression of that. Yet 'i' am the one that dims it or shines it... this has taken a coming around to. I have remembered many life times on many planes...this physical one and others... but the work... the true focus is to re-member (as in 'BE') the ever constant Light living a physical plane experession. Living true to this ---open hearted, compassionate, wisely , bestowing the wisdom, I make the difference, intergity with the true reality; justice, honor/honorably, AND being true to the human experienc - emotions, thinking,the carnate senses etc....all these which creates the 'co-exixtance' (from a dualistic perspective) ...is what is the exercise, the spiritual practice, the applied consciousness practice. This is 'the work' on this plane (if you have lost connection). The rest of it i.e. how we act it out, is just the game that we made up and signed up for.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain "love" is the same field as the glow. There is always the glow. Sometimes it is termed 'love' other times'peace' etc.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown 'God' does not exist because by naming it. It is a dualistic reality and it just isn't this way. It is one and all. Also, ‘God’ connotes 'greater than' and it isn't that way either. It is all and one. My fear is about the transition to death. Like fear of it physically hurting versus fear of being dead.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The sequence of events was hard to explain. That other place? That other side? It is home. It is a wordless or un-talking experience. Words are so constrictively small and artificial in contrast to the dimension where all is known always.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain The exercise for me during this life is to maintain access to and retain capabilities of rather than to become denser. Density bogs down energetic and spiritual movement. Like psychic transport, transmission, and reception.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? There were some decisions I made at the time. One decision was during delivery that no one was there to 'catch me' at delivery. ’Catch me’ referred to my consciousness versus my body. They were all about catching my body, but that was not 'me.'

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told the story many times in my life that 'I almost died when I was born,’ but not until I went to my first International Association of Near-Death Studies meeting a few weeks ago did I view it as a near death experience. During my seven year intensive with my spirit midwife I referred to, I relived/recounted it. In that technique we intentionally engage in life reviews and lifetimes review.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was Home. And I accessed it regularly.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It is 'home.’ My work is here for now, and I can call up 'home' at any time just with a shift of consciousness.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Regularly at night. It happened less and less until I was around twelve years old. Then it became a memory. I would put myself to sleep by accessing the 'glow's' sensation from a specific portal point in my mid-back. I would let it expand until I became it. This was an iridescent blue glow I would be. I would either go to sleep that way or I would travel looking in my room and throughout other parts of the house. When I was twenty five, I had a surgery and was on prednisone as a pain killer. I got two medicines mixed up and accidentally was taking the stronger kind thinking it was the milder on, and I am quite sensitive to medicines. When I was in a drugged sleep, I would float horizontally above my body a three to four feet, just outside the drug zone field, and my body was vibrating as it was actively healing itself. I have had numerous out of body experiences. I have had numerous visitations of light entities. ‘Pink’ and ‘Blue,’ I called them. I have visited various other realms.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I can’t find the question above. I am not afraid of death. It is the dying, fear of pain that I do have.