Experience Description

Hi, my name is Maria

I was on vacation with my ex-husband in my native country Bulgaria. Didn't know that I was pregnant (two to three months approximately) and had to carry a large suitcase the whole day in the summer sun of Bulgaria, thirty-five to forty degrees Celsius. We had some alcohol in the evening, since we were visiting a colleague from Bulgaria and spent the night there. At night, I started having a horrible diarrhea and hemorrhage. The whole toilet was full of blood. Eventually I had to lie down on the couch since the blood was spurting like a flood between my legs and I couldn't get up. My colleague's husband drove me to the nearest hospital.

There the doctors decided that I had a miscarriage and that I had to have a cleaning of the uterus done by an expert, as is usual in cases like this. I was committed and didn't have permission either to eat or drink until the operation. The next day I was going to have the operation, but the room was filled with women who got priority because they were acquainted with the doctors, and I was left there for another day and another day... I had to wait for three days in all, but still didn't have permission to eat or drink. In any case, it was soon my turn. I wasn't weighed either, and walked into the operating room, where women were operated on conveyor belt style; they had hardly cleaned out the room before me, since there was the smell of blood everywhere.

And still I thought - at last, this is going to be quickly over with, and I didn't have a clue what was awaiting me.

I was put on a bed and the anesthetist gave me a substantial injection of the anesthetic. I could only watch helplessly that the dosage seemed to be twice the usual amount (what I thought was reasonable). The procedure was quick. Nobody asked me about my weight or anything else. I was given the injection and it was exactly as if I'd had some acid put into me - it was like a fire that killed everything in its way. My body seemed to get gassed to death. I felt myself starting to choke, 'I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm on fire.' I remember I clenched at my throat.

Then I got so angry and disappointed with myself, but I could still think and feel myself thinking, and I could even hear my thoughts all the time, sometimes reverberate very strongly in my head, 'Why did I come here to give my body to those idiots! I'm absolutely crazy! How could I come to this horrible place and give my body over to them!?' I was apparently too hard on myself and too disappointed with my irresponsibility. I had given my confidence to the wrong kind of doctors and was very, very angry with myself for being so gullible.

Then it seemed like I was inside a cubist painting/work of art. I became 'a triangle' and struggled with the sharp corners of the other triangles. (Later I learned that the doctors hit me at the end of the procedure to make me wake up - I was slapped in the face many times. But this was in the beginning of the experience.)

I didn't understand anything, but I was helpless. It was like during pregnancy (later in my life). All I could do was 'tag along'. You had no choice.

My disappointment over that I'd left my body to the idiots at the hospital passed, and I started to explore my new condition. I realized that I wasn't 'dead'. I had only changed my state of consciousness. I still 'EXISTED'! And didn't understand anything! How is this possible?! I have no body, but I'm 'alive'... What is it that's left of me, then?

By now, I was pretty shocked over how fast all this came over me in the operating room, so I didn't think of looking at myself to examine the remains of my being further. I just started to acquaint myself with my new condition in the sense that I understood that I was 'only a voice' - this was obvious to me! And how 'HIGH' that voice was! It kind of 'ECHOED' - such a 'FORCE'.

It sure was strange not to have a body anymore and just have your little voice left. To be transformed into 'a voice' in the whole of your being. (The women from my room later told me that I'd scared all the pregnant ladies in the ward because I'd been screaming at the top of my voice straight through the whole procedure. But in the beginning I kind of heard little 'glimpses' of this, but later during this stage, I kind of sank into myself and all the memories from the room 'faded away'.)

It was strange not to be alive, but still existing as a voice. It was shocking, up heaving. I have strong bonds to my dear, self-sacrificing, warm Bulgarian mother, who's the best mother in the whole world. But, strangely enough, I didn't have a thought about leaving her behind, or my father, or my husband, or my earthly life. Not a trace of regret. It was just up heaving to change conditions so dramatically and find myself in my new role as a bodiless being, as a pure 'voice'. And nothing more.

At this half stage, I had surely grieved for my body. But no glimpses, no films, no memories from my earthly life, nothing I missed or even thought about.

Then the light came. I was thrown straight into the middle of the Sun. Straight into the middle of the warmest, most beautiful, most welcoming light, where I instantly felt that 'here I feel good'. I was drawn to the ocean of light as a gigantic magnet, and drowned in light. I'm not sure, but I might have heard psalm singing. It was like the light was 'singing' in some way. But not really. It wasn't sound. It might have been telepathic. My soul might have come into contact with the soul music of the light. It was light and it was Love at the same time. There was hidden and encoded Heavenly music in the whole thing. It wasn't important. The main thing was that here I felt Welcomed and Loved. I came 'Home'. The intensity is so indescribable in words, so I can't convey the experience in any way to anybody who haven't experienced this themselves. Nothing on earth is comparable. Everything on earth fades compared with the strength of this experience.

Then I thought like this, 'It's not so bad here. I don't want to go back to earth. No. Never again, back there! Never again, back to earth! And why should I go back down to Earth (note that I was thinking in terms of 'down'). There, on earth, everything is so materialistic, everything has to be dragged back and forth, shoved to the right and left, you have to fight hard for results; a lot of work for nothing. Here I could move as I wanted - WHERE I wanted. It's not so bad here. I absolutely don't want to go back down to earth.' And while I was enjoying my new condition of total Freedom and total Love, I was pulled down, as if by a line, an elevator, a force of gravity or 'a force' - something that pulled me back to my body.

My physical eyes opened in a strange way. My field of vision started to uncover the room from the upper parts of it and down. So the first thing I saw was the machinery above my roommates' beds and then their heads and themselves lying there, and last the legs of the beds.

It was as if somebody put me back with a line in my physical body, without me being able to influence it in the least. I was put back into the 'doll' again, without anyone asking me if I wanted it or not. The women gathered around my bed: 'Girl, you scared us all with your screaming. The whole hospital is scared. What happened to you?' Everybody looked pale. 'Nothing! I was exploring,' I heard myself say. I answered automatically. 'What kind of exploring did you do?' I heard them asking ironically, they thought I was insane. 'Explorations about God' - I answered curtly and saw them being taken aback. They understood that I'm not insane but still have my intellect left intact.

(In the room, the women used to practice questioning all the women who were still an'sthetized and asked them intimate questions about their boyfriends and sex - and I might have said the word 'stupid geese' to them, because I don't like this kind of 'joke'). They couldn't fool me, I was wide-awake and not worth the trouble! Then I was left alone.

I couldn't wait for the nurse to come to our room. 'Nurse! What did you give me that was so awful?' I asked about the anesthetic. I heard her rattle off all the six or seven Latin names for the anesthetic with their complex words. Then she left the room.

It took me four months to come back to life. I longed to get back 'home'. I didn't want to live on. That's how wonderful the experience was. My relatives looked suspiciously at me - maybe she was insane! But I was more alert than them. I still appreciated the continuance of life and was very shocked and scared by the whole thing. At the first possible moment I went and lighted a candle for God in the temple Hram-pammetnik 'Alexandör Nevski' - in the center of Sofia.

It was then that I realized for the first time that the churches are the only institutions on earth that are Right.

The experience changed my outlook on God. From being atheist and non-believer; I pounced hungrily upon spiritual literature; started visiting the Krsna-temple; was vegetarian for three years and going to be so again. I read so much, that my muscles atrophied (today I'm sick in fibromyalgia and rheumatism). The will to gain knowledge was and is enormously strong. Today I'm convinced that God exists. I dream prophetic dreams. My grandfather comes to visit me often and radiates light and energy; he turns up in difficult moments and sometimes warns me. We hug in every dream.

Everybody should go through an NDE to grow spiritually and personally. Material and bodily things become unimportant. You see through peoples souls. I got an unlimited outlook on life, which sometimes can be scary - you think on a very large scale and globally and see connections more clearly. Money, career, intrigues, sex appeal - all this is not important at all in my life, as it was before the experience. All I strive for is vegetarianism and the animals liberation from the Concentration Camps.

In my case, I'm grateful that I had good karma and was sent to the Light, despite the fact that I wasn't any kind of angel back then. And yet, God was merciful enough to let me explore him.

As for the rest, I'm grateful that I didn't meet any Being at all! Beings would have scared me. I'm grateful that grandfather turns up in dreams now and then, and that we keep in touch and that God answers some of my prayers before I go to sleep when I doubt. I'm sure that I can expand my relationship to God if I physically have the chance and time to do what I'd like to do.

I'm not at all stupid or naive, but just a person who's eager to learn and who's pretty well read now, after all the seeking and after this staggering experience, that isn't comparable to anything in this life.

Thank you for letting me pour my heart out to you!

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1989

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Missfall. Livmodersrensning - operativ under full bedövning. Jag vet ej exakt vad som hände med min kropp. Efter att ha förlorat rikligt med blod fick en mat eller vatten i 3 dygn före operativt ingrepp. Sedan fick jag en överdos av nakrotiskt medel, så att det brände ner hela kroppen, och jag kände att jag kvävdesI'm not sure, since the doctors didn't want to scare me and didn't tell me a thing about what really happened. A long time ago I planned to visit them and search in their archives or visit the staff to learn as much as possible about what really happened.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Positive

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I never thought of looking down on myself or change the direction of where I was looking, since I was kind of steered by this invisible force that conducted the whole show and led me where it wanted. I only knew that I was 'a voice'.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I've never been so alert in my waking, earthly life as there. ;)

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning This was the most shocking - that I didn't know whether I'd been on the Other Side for two seconds, two hours or five hours. The time perspective was completely unimportant. It simply wasn't included there!

Did your hearing differ in any way from normal? At times (I could have been imagining it) I heard some sort of telepathic, magnetically appealing music. The Light kind of 'sang'. But I'm not sure. The feeling can be imbedded in the experience itself. The music and the Light is in a way one and the same thing/environment.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No No. Thank God!!!

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The Light was exactly like the center of the Sun. Beinsa Douno [a Bulgarian Holy man, translators note], and old Slavic mythology, say that souls are drawn into the Sun. It might be that these light energy sources - the stars - are the baking ovens of the Universe. Not only for all the elements of the chemical system, but also for material embodiment. It might be that they are stations that send souls further into space. According to ME Heaven isn't in another dimension. I think we're drawn into the nearest star and then we move on to another, or the same planet, or another place.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

The experience included: Special Knowledge

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe About GOD! For the first time, an atheist who's never studied Religion in the Real-Socialistic Bulgarian School, does her own Explorations directly on the Field on God Himself!!! ISN'T this Knowledge??? A materialist becomes a spiritual seeker? Isn't this knowledge about universal meaning??? This was the most important transformation of my life!!

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No The decisions don't come from yourself, but are made by the Higher Power. We are mere puppets in the hands of the Power!!! You don't have a will of your own there to steer up or down! I didn't want to go down to earth, but was drawn down without further explanations by anyone!

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Conservative/fundamentalist Ateist intill jag fick kontakt med GUD

What is your religion now? Conservative/fundamentalist Från att inte tro på Gud, så ändrades jag i NDU-ögonblicket. Idag TROR jag på GUD!

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes What I described above. I can add that I seek the essential I all religions and don't feel that only one of them is right. The respect for animals and the disinterest in the material of Hinduism is right for me. The magnetic appeal of the Love of Krsna is right for me. The consideration of Petör Dönnov for all the systems in the universe, his respect for the Slavic soul and its superior Maturity (that the Slavs are going to teach the West Love, Brotherhood and Compassion, and Musicality, since they have suffered much throughout history) in the age of Aquarius is the New Truth in my life. Beinsa Douno and Vanga are remarkable Spirits - two Holy Men that Bulgaria is going to export to the whole World.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The intensity. Nothing worldly is comparable to the splendor, magnificence and the strength in the feeling. It shook me up and turned my little 'world' upside down.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Prophetic dreams that give me detailed information about what's going to happen and warn me beforehand. I'm not medial in the waking state, but apparently a 'sleeping prophet' [Maria is referring to Edgar Cayce, who was called the 'Sleeping Prophet', translators note]. Oh yes. I wanted to forget that. During a depression a few years ago, I got contact through automatic writing with Cat-people from UFO's in the form of 'cigars'. They transmitted for about three months (I even wrote at work, the power field was like a blanket over me) descriptions of their expedition and cosmic maps, signals in space etc. This finally resulted in horror and I quit the contact with them, since it turned out that they had contact with four more people around the world in different countries. I didn't want to be involved in that, and in the long run it turned to beautiful paintings of planets and the Universe. I'm interested in Vanga [Bulgarian Holy man, translators note], Edgar Cayce and I believe in the prophet of the Balkans - Mitar Tarabic's prophecies - which surpass the prophecies of Nostradamus - and I read a whole lot about them. The spiritual thirst becomes enormous. I've changed from atheist, non-believer and materialist, a competitive career person, into a spiritual seeker, considerate, friendly to animals, conscious of the soul, sharp minded, see through people - global and deep, wise.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The best was the last part. The worst was the first part.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes People think that it's all about 'the last hallucinations of the brain before the light goes out for good' and about 'drugs'. I can't influence people who haven't had their own NDE, because they are skeptics. Human beings don't believe in anything before they've experienced it themselves. I wouldn't believe in anything either before I'd been through it myself. So I understand their skepticism. But they are WRONG!!!

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Not at the moment.