Laura Z Probable NDE

Experience Description

Hello dear people of NDERF. Thank you for the work you are doing and for sharing it with us. After reading several beautiful accounts, I decided I wanted to write you, even though my experience is perhaps a bit controversial.

In short, I had a possible NDE from ingesting psilocybin mushrooms. I would like to immediately point out that during the trippy visuals and spiritual encounters, I recognized that suddenly something very different happened. While comparing stories to my own history and to others' stories, I think this was possibly an NDE.

A bit of my background.

I was born with 3 kidneys and needed surgery to remove 2 of them when I was a baby. This brought me closer to the possibility of dying from a very young age. In my experience, death is on our doorstep and I have always felt very mortal in this body. In addition, life has two sides: there's this knowing and feeling that heaven is and can be here on earth. The memory of heaven, I consider home and a place to return to.

I have had two surgeries for different matters; one at age 2 and the other at age 5. During the first surgery, I had an out of body experience. I recall floating above an empty operating room and thinking that this place was way too cold and lifeless for people to heal properly. I didn't have a body and thus no weight, but I was experiencing floating. I spent most of my time there in rest and peace as I was held in a bright light. I felt loved, intensely comfortable, and warm. It felt as if the healing on soul-level was available there. I realized from then on that there is no 'gone' and that I am never left alone. God is always waiting and ready for me. I began to realize that death was not what people say it was, although I still feel grief and loss just the same when someone passes.

In 2012, I took hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time. I had no idea what to expect or how long it would last or what the specific qualities of the plant were. It was said to be healing and I trusted the people I was with. We made sure we were safe, calm and in a nice meditative state. All of us were healthy and no harm could be done. It was part of my spiritual practice.

I took the mushrooms, waited, and after a while my sight started to change. I was a bit afraid. I remembered God, to stay connected, and that I would be safe. I kept asking, 'God, please show me all of it, show me the whole thing, the whole truth. I can handle it.' I said this as a mantra.

Soon, I started to experience intense waves of love that many people have when they take these type of plants. I somehow realized it was all pretty normal for a trip. There were time loops and patterns and Beings in the room as well. However, at some point, I really checked out and went somewhere else completely. That's the point where I suspect I was on the edge of dying. My husband told me afterwards that he had wondered about me and simply suspected that I was really far away.

I crossed a threshold, as if I went over an edge. My vision became broader. I completely lost awareness of my body and I was pure consciousness. I experienced the same floating awareness as during the surgery. I recall being washed over by an intense 'love cloud of light'. There is no love like that and I just surrendered to it. I knew I came from a human life but it didn't really matter. I was simply there and all was as it should be. There was no conflict; I was not doubting my own existance. There was no such thing as truth as we know it on earth. It was a highly singular moment. Everything existed at once and nothing is questioned. Time is not part of that realm as there is no need for time there.

I knew I was with God. I was about to get an answer to my question: 'show me the truth, I can handle it.'

God in my consciousness presented itself as a warm and soft pink/red/orange light-cloud that is the most loving and glorious presence I have ever known. I knew it was God without doubt and I realized I met it before, during the surgery, when I was 2 years old. Although, then it had been mostly white. The God-light contains all the healing there is and I could only cry in its perfection and love. Within it, I knew that God remembered my question and God said/thought/communicated in a humorous way, 'Ah yes, the truth. What many of you think is that you should brace yourselves for the truth when you ask for it. You anticipate the truth as hard to handle, painful and even harmful. Nothing is further from truth.' I was so relieved immediately but I was also not satisfied. So, my awareness started showing God the images of what happens on earth in wars and to animals because of our actions. I asked, 'What happens on earth when it all falls apart? What happens when it all ends?' And God answered in the most loving, gentle, and hopeful way, 'Have you considered love as an option?'

With those words everything was right, good, and perfect. This little sentence is why I needed to be there and what I remember most. I needed to know that love is the only outcome - always.

God said, 'The truth is love. And what you fear most is unconditional love.'

I felt in my heart that God is also all right with our fear, although it will not stop showing us love. God loves us regardless of everything and regardless of ourselves. Every choice we have ever made or ever will make is already accepted. Forgiveness is not even a thing. All of us is already loved and unconditionally granted life, despite our idea to create war.

God showed me that many humans live with pets, to be reminded of unconditional love. Humans know love when we feel it and it is many things to us.

After that, I catapulted into the stars, knew everything about everything and got a glimpse of human-like Beings who live on a different planet. They seemed to be waiting to help us restore peace on earth. Then, I came back. The 'funny' thing is that I came back to the mushroom trip. I wasn't out of the hallucinogenic experience yet, but even then I knew that something different had happened.

Only one time after this, have I experienced the God light-cloud like this. That was when I was in hospital, a little later in 2013. I had a very bad inflammation that could have killed me and wouldn't heal. One night I was in much pain and I felt close to death. I started praying and crying. The God light washed over me again and again. The second day after this night, the two very large inflamed cysts that were in my abdomen were nowhere to be found on the ultrasound. A few days prior, they appeared as a big, grey monster. To me that was quite something.

I will always be grateful for these experiences and I love life even more than before.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 2012

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Hallucinogens and during sleep

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. There was no conflict and no separation. Not from knowledge, not from soul. I know myself in all my glory.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The moment when I was catapulted into the stars and knew everything.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Time had no meaning. Even the fact that the experience passed and ended was not because of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Brighter, Better, broader. I had no body, so no limitations

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. no limitations although hearing was also within. Same with vision. As if it all happens inside and outside of me. There's no need for speech.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Warm and welcoming, with shades of pink and orange. Light was conscious.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm in my case not really a world. Mostly the God cloud. And after catapulted into the stars through a 'ceiling' or boundary.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? All the nice ones. I could show fear but I didn't need to feel it myself.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe everything. Which is not even important in a way.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No. See my experience; only thing that fits this description is the Beings waiting

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know. Deeply aware of God - no religion or spiritual practice in particular

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Less interested in practice. Stronger belief.

What is your religion now? Do not know. Deeply aware of God - no religion or spiritual practice in particular

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. God and life are way more beautiful than I ever knew and they will grow even more beautiful than I now think I know.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I don't really know specifically. My belief in love and God are more intense and less based on ideas.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I heard a voice I could not identify The voice of God. God didn't need a voice but it was for me to remember it better. It was a warm, low, male voice, I'd say but not gender specific.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No. They came afterwards in earthly life. I was in meditation and suddenly had all of them in my room one by one soon after the possible NDE.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes Very sure. It was home. It's a memory. If time matters: we have been here before.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes awareness of oneness and access to everything.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God is everything, everywhere and always.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes All of the experience. We learn what is beneficial to us and it is always available. We can go back to it.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes Very certain that we are never left alone and that we immediately are taken in by God/Heaven as soon as we die. We are already there, basically.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes That love is an option. That if and after all ends, there is only love. When we think everything is going to collapse and to be hard, painful and catastrophic, we could consider love as an option instead of seeing it as the impossible outcome.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Have we considered love as an option. :)

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I don't fear death as a state, but I do sense a bit of fear of the process of dying and f.e. becoming ill. I feel fear in life and I am okay with that. I appreciate my earthly feelings and I have never had the idea that we should be fearless, emotionless or always happy and calm. That's not what I was shown during my most spiritual moments and I have become even more sure about this, God doesn't need that from us in order to give us credits or so. I feel intense feelings and I know that they are temporary - they have always been up until now. Just like being unemployed or poor - it passes. That's also a blessing of time. I have been poor and unemployed and depressed even and that passed. What I remember: there was a time after the experience where my senses seemed sharper and I was a bit confused about my place in society. Society is usually too overwhelming and demanding for me and that became more prominent. It has however, helped me stay true and find a better way for me. Overtime I'd say the event has inspired me to look for love in everything and to also allow myself to be human with all there is to it.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Uncertain

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain Words do no justice.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I hold this memory dear, it's vivid and I remember aspects of it still. However, I also forget parts a bit until I write it down again.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Private

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The words: Have you considered love as an option?

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Some people I know and they appreciated and shared their own spiritual experiences and even one NDE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes For me it was all a confirmation of what I knew or had read before. The experience happened regardless of me and my knowledge and regardless of my mind, I would say.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real That's what I know.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It's different than a dream, vision, trip, lucid dream, hallucination, hypno-trance, psychic experience. It's home and home is real.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain No thank you.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? More loving, more spiritual.