Before I go into detail about this event, I wish to make a few things clear for the reader. First, what I am about to describe, simply happened. I am no liar by any stretch of the imagination. I detest lies, in fact. With that said, you have my guarantee that I am not a fiction storyteller. So, I assure you that you are not wasting your time! Moreover, I enjoy a certain amount of pride in telling people truthful and accurate information (this also means resisting the urge to embellish despite strong emotions). Second, like so many others who have related their experiences here, I have been drastically changed by my experience, and it has been difficult to remain unemotional while relating the experience in question. Finally, I wish to admit that the nature of this experience is strange. In fact, I have not happened upon anything like it when partaking of other stories, here or otherwise. That said, it is not what most people would consider a proper NDE, although I can't rule out the possibility it was simultaneously life-threatening by comparison.
In 1999 when I was 23, I was living with my Grandmother in Oklahoma City. I was a student and a part-time truck driver at the time. I remember I came home from college one afternoon and was feeling very groggy. I simply went upstairs to my room and lied down. There was little or no delay as I waited to doze off. Eventually, I do remember actually being asleep. Therein lies my problem - I occasionally suffer from sleep paralysis.
As far as sleep paralysis goes, it is something that gives me more than a little displeasure. While I have heard that some folks actually enjoy lucid dreaming, a classification within REM sleep, I can't tolerate not being in control of my body when I realize that I am not. When I realize that I am sleeping I must always awaken due to feelings of strong anxiety. I wish to be clear that I don't experience symptoms of anxiety for any other reason while suffering from sleep paralysis than from not being in control - i.e. no fear of demons, fairies, loch ness, etc.
After being struck by the sleep paralysis on this particular occasion I managed to awaken after very typical 15-20 seconds. Although the event is frightening, as usual, I simply decide to relax and give in to my exhaustion. With shockingly little time, I found myself paralyzed again. So, again I struggle to reawaken after another 15-20 seconds.
This cycle of falling asleep and re-emerging from sleep paralysis happened, in all, four times. After the third occasion, I had become weary of these happenings to the point that I considered myself in strong need of a resolution. I had to think of something because my stress was peaking and I was exasperated. The sleep paralysis itself was too psychologically taxing and I was intent to, at the least, self-discover if there was a better way to expedite my awakenings after onsets of sleep paralysis. Then it hit me: I decided that I would have to alter the way that I tried to wake up. That is, redirect myself from a mired, progressive struggle to awaken... to releasing a concerted, welled-up torrent of effort in order to do so with immediacy. It would be a one-time emergence if I performed it correctly.
Armed with this simple technique in mind I erred to go back to sleep as I relaxed. And in no time at all I was consciously asleep. I could hardly believe that these events kept reoccurring with such immediacy. I was disappointed, but as ready for it as I could ever be. Almost immediately I began thinking about what I needed to do. Anger at my unrelenting situation welled in me; it kept my anxiety in check as my plan to focus against my fear proceeded in spite of it. Many long seconds passed. I envisioned myself more and more powerful in order succeed at an endeavor my cynical mind guessed wouldn't really work. I knew I had to try, though. Oh, but if it did work! I imagined that with one potential quick awakening others would follow. I would eliminate a measure of fear of going to sleep and a lot of terror while I actually was paralyzed. If it was the answer that I needed, then I was going to give focus to such power to the point whereas I would have leaped not only out of my sleep but also maybe out of my bed! Indeed, I was going to be the master of my predicament if I had anything to say about it. It was time to turn over a long-awaited-for new leaf.
Finally, I felt the time was right; I was quite resolved. I counted down from 5. When I got to zero, I lunged with everything I had. But instead of regaining control or simply not regaining control, reality checked its bags and something electrical greeted me instead. My eyes flew open. Something like an explosive noise, followed by a constant tone, wracked my ears. I could practically feel my muscles in a spasm as what seemed like electricity coursed through me. I knew I was awake as I could clearly see my ceiling, but as I attempted move I quickly discovered I actually couldn't budge a muscle as I stared upwards. All the noise I heard seemed to die out. In a matter of mere seconds, something began to form in front of my face. I stared wild. What on earth is happening??!!!! Within a few moments, it was there for me to see, plain as day.
It was... a box.
Belief, yet, disbelief, struck me at the same time. It appeared to be, perhaps, a foot or so distance from my face. HOW could this be happening, I wondered. I knew I could see and there was not a chance that this was a dream or hallucination or disillusionment. But how can this be?! Moments later I began to realize that it was surrounded by something. Before I could discern more, clear, fluid, forceful speech rolled through my ears. Pure terror hit me like trillion tons of bricks.
Not only could I not move my body, I couldn't move my eyes; I had to look at it. This is despite the fact that I really didn't want to learn anything more. I pulled with everything I had. I pulled and pulled and pulled. Not even a twitch to the eye resulted. Although I had my senses, my body was totally disabled and disconnected to my desire, it seemed. As my failure to change the situation continued, so did the speech. Whatever was responsible for the speech droned on as I stared. Obviously, I did not hear anything close to English, however it didn't sound like any familiar speech, ever heard. It didn't sound like a man was even speaking it. It sounded completely unemotional, yet commanding. There were no breaks between any of the syllables. The speech was CLEAR, LOUD, and POIGNANT. It was unmistakably real. You just know real when you see and hear it and feel it. This was it, I felt. I wasn't going to make it out of this one; I was as good as dead. My grandmother would come up stairs later that evening. She would inevitably tap on my door to ask where I had been all day. She would find me there in bed and wonder why I wouldn't respond. The thought revolted me as I gave in. There was no choice.
As I began to give in to my apparent fate - although undeserved, I felt - I calmed to the point that I took more notice of what I was staring at. Obviously, there was the thing that was surrounding the cube. It was so arresting because it glowed with pure white light. Folks, I don't know much about what I saw, overall... but I can plainly tell you that this object was a halo, through and through. The white light was gentle on the eyes, yet resoundingly pervasive. As I stared at it, it dawned on me that I really couldn't say what a halo was supposed to be exactly. I discovered myself feeling relief as I became preoccupied with it. A few moments later, I shifted my attention to the cube. It, or whatever was responsible for the speech, droned on as I scanned. The thing seemed dark and translucent. There was something on the surface here and there like writing or something. It definitely seemed like writing but in small, confined areas. The writing kind of appeared as stand-alone glyphs, but I really didn't have nearly enough time to take it in. Before I could make any discernment concerning the writing, the speech halted.
When the speech ceased, I felt my fear return in spades. My attention fled from the nuances that I could discern and I returned to my deer-in-the-headlights-don't-run-me-over act. In some morbid way, I felt that my last rites had been read to something or me and that this was it. Why bother speaking something that couldn't be understand? WAS it speaking to me, in fact? I was scared to know what would happen next but as I waited in those few moments, nothing happened; everything just stayed static for a few seconds. Then slowly the vision dissipated into nothing.
After the box disappeared, I struggled again. I felt renewed opportunity in hopes of escaping as I pulled for my freedom again. Then I watched as my eyes were literally closed for me!! This was yet another surreal occurrence to add to the list. In no time, I was back in the darkness marked by a conventional sleep paralysis experience. Even though I normally despised the typical sleep paralysis scenario with a passion, currently I had neglected to feel that way. A conventional sleep paralysis experience was something that I always escaped from, no matter what... and that I did.
Interestingly, as I emerged from the event something else strange happened. It actually took time for me to regain my body in its entirety. In fact, before awakening I was intent on flying up out of my bed and crashing through my door and running down the stairs to the first sanctuary that struck me as sufficient! But as my eyes slowly opened I found that the rest of the body was lagging in a peculiar way. I got my head; then my neck; and my chest; then my abdomen, and so on. I regained control progressively, from my head down to my toes. I was awed again. My body wasn't available to me in unison. What could make that happen now, I wondered. It took several seconds as I pulled on muscles that weren't listening. I was thoroughly dumbfounded by it all. After I was granted everything back, I decided that running from the scene was a redundant action. I knew that I was back in control. There was a decently loud ringing in one of my ears as I sat on my bed and contemplated confirmation of a higher power.
To me, it is obvious that this event has tweaked my core beliefs about life. The event showed me that I'm not quite in control and that my life is probably something akin to an illusion. What more would I eventually come to discern about the event at the time of occurrence, I didn't know (but I had sincere doubts that anything could be learned). Many years have passed since and I have come across things that are surprisingly telling in explaining things. There are leads on the internet that are of value in explaining parts of my story, believe it or not. I think you'll find these leads interesting if you trust me to some degree.
Available reading: The BibleRevelations 21:16 The Rise and Fall of the Haloby Michel Ledwith Mary R's ADCnderf.org The Sefer Yetzirah: Cube of Space
Date NDE Occurred: 1999
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Sleep-paralysis induced event. Other: Sleep-paralysis induced event
I genuinely don't know. I expect that what I did to induce this event was something akin to maybe punching my way out of my body. That might be like inducing death.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely unpleasant and/or frightening
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes Yes I could see my ceiling - Yay! How's that for value?
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was scared out of my mind during the majority of the experience. Therefore, I feel that I was very, very alert to say the least.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? During its entirety.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I found that I had tunnel vision. Also, as already said, the cube that I saw was translucent.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was a loud explosive-type sound that went off in my ears during the onset of the event in question. After it was over, a loud ringing persisted.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The halo is real my friends, totally freaking real. I guarantee it for what it's worth. Wish you could take it to the bank, but that's the best I can do for you.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? This is difficult to say with any authority. I am suspicious that the answer to this may be in realizing that I witnessed something half-way between this earthly realm and another, seeing as I could still see my room.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt mostly terror; then intrigue during an intermission. That's it.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Slightly important to me
What is your religion now? Do not know
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Yes It changed me, sure. My ethics are the same. I simply have confirmation that my world is graced by something akin to a great wizard that is hiding behind a curtain. The joke, I believe, is on all of us.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes Something exists in spades. That's about all I know...
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists No
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I moderately fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are possibly meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No This thing was all business.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes When it happened, the experience was off-the-wall, over-powering, and completely unexpected. Although what I witnessed was clear, I was unsure of what to compare this event to. It took me many years of casual information acquisition to put this all into some kind of higher context of which maybe I could theorize about.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? It has told me that life, indeed, is a dream.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have told many since it happened, but I didn't reveal anything about it for an unknown amount of time. I don't remember why I didn't tell anyone. I think I didn't say anything for a while because I didn't know how to explain it properly and I didn't know how others would react. Hell! I didn't know how to react to what I saw!
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
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