This is what I have remembered so far: I was in a tunnel of light. I was wearing white. Then my feet were standing on wood and I was being moved on the wood towards a beautiful green hill. It was perfect! I was not alone; there was someone holding my hand. I went to a place where I saw rounded stone arches. Now I am on a journey that began with my experience. As I continue alone, I learn what I can on my own. All I can say is that my experience was the only time I have ever known acceptance and love, peace and joy. I did try to go back there once, after leaving my former husband. For a few seconds, I was in a place that was a void, like a dark ocean. From that void, I saw the hills again. But now they were black, and there was a bright white cross standing on the shore. Then, I knew for sure that I was supposed to leave there and come back to my mother's house.
Date NDE Occurred: April 14, 2010
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Drug or medication overdose. Other: Starvation coupled with medication
I took the pills, as I was told to by my husband, and I woke up later in the hospital. When I woke up, I did not know what had transpired and I was lied to about my condition. I required four weeks of care to be able to walk and for my body to function again.
How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal More intense reality, as if none of the rest of anything here on earth were real. It seemed to me like there was no sense of time. Nothing was going to hurt me again, ever. That the pain of life was over.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? While I was on the water looking at the hill.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There are moments that I feel like I did then, but rarely. I really enjoy those moments; that's when I feel most alive. The rest of the time I simply feel like a prisoner here, not knowing why I came back, nor what to do next.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hard to describe but it sounded like the beehives of honey bees, at Honey Tate's Farm
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes My mother's mother was there. Recently a friend died and he guides me, as well. He was the first person I told, and he understood, because it had happened to him before. He is still helping me now. I awoke to the same problems I left. I was still married to a monster, and I have received very little help from people on earth. I get the most help from those that have crossed over, including Jesus.
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I am still trying to figure out the details of what I saw. It is hard for me, as I am on the run from my former spouse. I lost custody of my children to him. I suffer unpleasant flashbacks, as well. I am trying to focus on the memory of what I saw during my NDE, because I have to remember it, it is an unquenchable thirst.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt love, at least I think that is what love is. Perhaps rapture is best word to describe it.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood that I mattered to a higher being and was important to him.
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Not important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Other faiths- New age o-5 christian
5-15 split time in Unitarian with mother and Jewish with father
15-38 pagan or unaffilated
38-current non protostant Chrisitan
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Everyone on earth, no matter what they believe, is right.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I do not believe God has a denomination or a chosen people I attend church but have not found one that fits
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had no beleif in anything at the time that the nde occurred but I now I am sure that all heavens exist.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I woke up in more than one way. Abuse is not love. Controlling another human being and hurting them is wrong.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I intuit more than I really remember, but I know that I saw my mother's mother. I remember the hands that reached for mine. They were gentle and I knew they wouldn't hurt me.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Uncertain Still letting myself remember.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I am to lead. That is all I can say.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes There was the presence of those holding my hands and the presence of something behind me moving me to the shore that was at the bottom of the hills
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about love? No
Were you compassionate after your experience? Not compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I left my husband's home, helped a friend with her husband's death, helped my mother with her dog's death, I've been searching for a path that might fulfill my wish before I die.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes My former spouse is using my Christian faith against me as a weapon.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience It was real, the rest of it is not. I don't know how to describe it other than everything on earth feels like plastic and is too bright.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can see signs and I receive help from lots of resources. I am learning that these gifts are a responsibility, too. I have precognitive dreams. I can pray and can tell you for a fact that Jesus is here with me, along with several other helpers as well. I do not believe in dark forces, but I believe that any human can become one.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? After what I have been through in my life up to this point, what is most meaningful to me is what I learned from my NDE. Where I was in my NDE will always be home now. Nothing here matters, but at the same time everything here does matter.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A few years went by and now I share it with anyone who will listen. My friend understood and said he was hoping I could help bring his children to God. My church group was curious and mostly disbelieving. My mother is a scientist so-o-o! The most common response I get from people is jealousy, disbelief, or hatred. Not what I expected.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I felt so much more awake.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I know what I saw and I have learned more about me and my family in the last two years than in the first 38 years of my life.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Writing my victim's counter story like the leniency letter adviser at the sheriff's office told me to. I'll do it after helping my friend with her husband and when I can stop being scared or angry for a minute. When I can forgive.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I never want to come back here again.
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