Jenifer L Probable NDE

Experience Description

I was raised by my grandparents. My family is of Chinese descent but I was born in the United Kingdom. I was very close to my grandma but she died when I was 15. My grandfather had always spent all his time in his own bedroom, so it was like I was living on my own. I found this a real struggle, especially for the last 2 years of high school.

In 1991, I was age 16 and had stayed home from school for 2 weeks with unknown illness. It felt like an intense flu but I was in severe cough and pain all over. It started as a mild flu, so I used over-the-counter medicines to ease the symptoms. Then these medications were no longer working and the symptoms got worse. I was unable to move and was confined to my bed in such pain and with strong headaches. I remember screaming out in agony during those few days because I felt so much pain. My grandfather kept to himself. During those 2 weeks, he would occasionally pop his head through my door tell me to 'quiet down' and to ask if I had taken my medications.

It was still daylight in the mid-afternoon. All of a sudden, I felt very light in weight and as if I were levitating toward the ceiling in my room. Then in a matter of seconds, I was shooting upwards in a very straight line at a very fast speed. It was like in cartoons when something is traveling so fast and you see things giving off lines. I couldn't see outwards though because it was like I was moving in a long tube.

Then, everything stopped because I had reached the destination. although I had been traveling fast, I didn't feel any motion sickness. In fact, I felt very at ease. I wasn't in any pain and I wasn't ill. This sounds corny, but it felt PERFECT. I felt total bliss, like I was very happy. I felt like I had no worries and no stress. This feeling intensified and at the same time, I was enveloped in a bright light. It felt like the light should be too bright for my eyes, however I had no need to squint. The only word I can best describe this light is the word 'beautiful.' I don't really know why I use that word because it's not a word I ever really use in my day to day life.

The very next thing that happened made me extremely emotional. My grandma who had passed a year before, was right in front of me. I burst into tears. I cried and sobbed. I had missed her so much and now she was here in front of me. I didn't see her like I used to see her. I just knew it was her without any doubt whatsoever. She was almost glowing within the bright, beautiful light that surrounded me. In my mind, I could see her face and body. But in reality she was more like a shimmer. At this point, with everything feeling so peaceful, perfect, and so 'beautiful,' I knew belonged here. I didnt want to ever leave my grandma again. My mind was made up and I was staying.

My grandma was in front of me and all I wanted to do was get closer to her, to touch her, and to be with her. I tried to move forward, but I couldn't. There was a blockage preventing me from reaching her and at this same time, I heard a male voice that was loud and very deep. I'm not sure where the voice came from because it was so pervasive. It could have come from everywhere, from all around me, as if it was paired with the surrounding light. I tilted my head to listen to the voice, so it could have been coming from above me, or from the sides. I'm not sure.

With his rich deep, powerful voice, he said, 'NO! It's not your time. You must go back.'

'Go back? No way! My grandma is here. I belong here, I am staying!'

Again he spoke, 'It's not your time.'

With every bit of strength within me I tried to fight coming back. Against his wishes, I moved closer to my grandma but still I couldn't reach her. She was getting further and further away from me. It was as if someone was holding my body back as I tried to run ahead. I was overcome with epic sadness at the thought of never seeing grandma again. I was so upset and I pleaded and I begged 'Please! I want to stay! Please!!'

The very next moment, I found myself in the exact same tube or tunnel that brought me to that destination. But this time, I was traveling in reverse so now I was speedily heading downwards instead of upwards. There were no junctions, no corners, and no pitstops. It was a direct, straight line that led me back to my starting position. As I was approaching my body, everything slowed down. With a gentle thud, I was now realigned and back in my bed in my bedroom.

I sat up, looked around me, and I was feeling very confused. Very slowly my real life took over. It took me almost a minute to realize that my grandma really is deceased and I won't ever see her again. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just met her moments ago.

My body pains returned, my cough returned, and another new headache was starting to surface. I wondered, 'What on earth just happened?' I was very overwhelmed with the whole experience and I couldn't comprehend it at all. The high energy levels I had just moments ago had all now dissipated, making me very tired. I continued as before with my illness and its symptoms.

Weeks passed and I was back at school. The experience was at the forefront of my mind as I had so many questions and no answers.

What happened?

Where did I go? Who spoke to me?

Why was I not allowed to stay there?

Was that really my grandma I saw?

What was the light and why was it beautiful?

Why did it happen when it did?

Was it connected to a religion?

Did I leave my body?

Why did I return?

Why did the bright light not hurt my eyes?

Why did I not see a floor or ceiling or walls?

What did he mean by 'its not your time'?

How come I had to stand by his decision?

Will I go back?

Will it happen again?

Will I be allowed to touch and hug my grandma next time?

Will there be a next time?

When will I find the answers to my questions?

Did I dream everything?

Was I daydreaming?

Why can I still remember every single detail so vividly?

Do other people also experience this too when they are ill?

Is this what happens when we die?

Did I die?

Is my death already predicted?

Is there a heaven and a hell?

If this was heaven, then what is hell like?

I never spoke about this to anyone. I figure people will tell me its just a dream, but I knew in my heart it wasn't a dream. Nine years later, when I was 25 years old, I was flicking through my TV channels and I stopped when my screen showed a panel of several people who were discussing experiences that were similar to mine.

Then, I knew for certain that it was not my imagination! For almost 10 years, I thought I was on my own but now I finally had some kind of confirmation that I was not insane. I discovered my experience was called a near-death axperience. As this was the very first time in my life that I had heard anyone else talk about this, it was very overwhelming to hear so many similarities and knowing that my own version could not have been influenced by anyone.

The internet did not become a household item until a few years later, so I couldn't just switch my computer on and ask Google about NDEs. I had still never spoken about it properly to anyone. The subject may have come up in a few conversations but I had never met anyone who had gone through something like this. However, I have always felt like I shouldn't investigate further, even when the internet exploded. This is the first time I have written about my experience and reached out to a website dedicated to NDEs. For some reason, it just feels like it is the right time. I don't know why now though because common sense would say at 43 years old, I should have done so within the last 25 years.

I still have all the same questions and I still don't have answers. My NDE is still as vivid now as it was 25 years ago, but I do hope that now I have finally particpated with the NDE community that I may finally find some answers. Better late than never, right?

I am very grateful for giving me this opportunity to share my NDE. I really do appreciate it. Thank you.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1991

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. I had an Illness. Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I could feel more range of emotions than normal and they were intensified. The changes of emotions went from one extreme to the other.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? After I travelled to the destination and before I travelled back home.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I am unsure if everything happened in a matter of seconds or if it was extended over 10-15 minutes.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Before my experience, I was in a dark room. During the experience, the white light was very bright. Normally that kind of light would have been too bright for me to open my eyes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I only heard the one voice which was like it came from stereo cinema speakers

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes To get there I went through a narrow tunnel, straight upwards at a high speed in a straight line. It was same when I returned to my body

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes I saw my grandma who died a 1 year before this experience.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was very bright, white light that I can only seem to describe as beautiful. It surrounded me from everywhere

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt joy, happiness, peace, like I was alive, sad, upset, depressed, and anger

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. I wanted to stay after I saw my grandma and because I felt at peace. But the voice said, 'It's not your time, go back' and I was reluctant to go back.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths Buddhism and Christianity

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now accept more religions and have studied ranges of religions

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Buddhism and Christianity

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am more appreciative of life. Now I realize we are here for a reason. God exists and God is in charge

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. I heard one voice from a man. It was very deep, with stereo effects. It was a very powerful voice. I have never heard him before or could not identify who it was.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain. The man's voice I heard who told me to go back, was Jesus or his father. I assume this as I have no proof

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes man's voice (Jesus or his father or God). He did not let me stay and told me to return back

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists My grandma died 1 year before this experience and I met her there

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. We are here for a reason

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Its difficult to express the feelings I had as I have never ever felt them again since my experience.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I often sense deceased spirits and have seen them

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I have yet to find my real-life path and will continue to strive for it

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real. I was bed-ridden and ill at the time so wasn't sure if I dreamt it, or hallucinated from medications

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. Prior to my experience, I had never heard of anyone else having similar account. Now I know there are many who have had this experience, so it must be true

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Did you have any control of suspending the time to reenter your body?