Hello, my name is Gary R, Ph.D. and what's written below is what I consider my 'repeating dream' that started very early in my life, approximately September 1946. I finally decided to write it down, since I’ve noticed that I’m not getting any younger, and it might be helpful to someone.
There are several points that might help in reading what I call 'The Event'. The primary experience was, and still is, very lucid. The point of observation starts from outside of 'me'. Then it joins and becomes 'me' as the scenario evolves. The event consisted of sound, bodily sensation, direction of some kind of motion, strong emotion, time dilation/constriction, and contact with something 'outside' my point of view. There was never any sense of discomfort or fear. I was interested in the developing awareness.
The sense of 'other' was what I call my 'friends'; they were not visible as humans but showed as visible entities ahead of my point of reference. The experience moved from the immersion into darkness, then into the tunnel sensation. After the contact up and out, I moved to a point that I associate with being above the earth. Then I came back to my body when my Mom pulled me out of the pool.
The time seems to have been about 10 seconds of 'real time' on earth. This was corroborated by my Mom when I was about 19 years of age. There was no physical trauma or inhalation of water, probably due to the mammalian diving response.
After the fact, I have sensed the world and my sense of 'self' as relating to that experience.
'I' am an observer but don’t appear to myself as a person in a body. This is more of an observing point. I see a small child sitting and playing in the water on a pool step watching a normal summer ‘pool scene.’ Children were jumping into the water and several boys were standing in line to go off the diving board. I know the child in the water is 'me', but I don’t have any sense of what’s going on or why he’s here. I just know that it seems safe and somehow exciting. I hear the boys at the board start laughing and one of them starts down the board and bounces into the air. At the last minute, he grabbed his knees to cannonball into the water. The sound is of a big splash and the boys are shouting.
I can see a wave expand from where the diver hit the water and watch as the small wave moves out toward where 'I' am sitting on the pool step. When the small wave gets to 'me,' I can feel a sense of unsureness from 'me' as he is gently lifted by the wavelet and rolls to the left. He looses his secure seat and submerges under the water. Somehow the observing point becomes what 'I' must have been seeing as I slip below the surface.
I can see some of the children’s bodies without heads. I sense my world turning as my body rotates. I’m looking at whiteness. There is no sound and I feel interested in my situation, but other than that, there is nothing negative. Then the whiteness morphs into a pearlescence that then becomes darker and darker until I’m just a point in the dark. I don’t feel any weight, temperature, pressure or direction. Although, somehow I know I’ve moved and taken a turn to my right. This stays a solid referent for a moment. Then I feel myself moving forward and a bit up. For a period I’m just hanging in the dark with no sense of time, motion, temperature or any emotion. Then I begin to sense that I am moving forward somehow; my point of view starts to morph and I begin sensing a lessening of a bit of the dark before me.
This continues and I feel compelled to move toward the lightening. Then I stop. The light becomes more intense as a circle becomes more and more defined somewhere ahead of my point of view. The light becomes almost dazzling and I start to move toward it. Then something slows 'me' down and I stop. Ahead, I’m aware of a body-shaped darkness in the circle of light; then two other dark shapes appear on either side of the front figure. There are no discernable features, arms, legs or anything; just a figure with two other figures behind. Then I begin to feel a presence before me and I know it is coming from the figures. I am feeling a great goodness from the figures and I really want to go to them and be with them. After a few moments, I’m aware that I’m trying to get to my 'friends' but can’t make any progress toward them.
Deep inside of me, I feel what might be a despair that I can’t get there and I start to force myself ahead, whatever that might mean. Then I feel the presence in front who was connecting with me. The connection felt like hands of Love; soothing me and whispering wonderfulnesses that calm me and let me relax in his Love-hands. I had the sense that, somehow he/it knew that I wanted to go with them. Then I heard him gently making things better as he was saying that I was doing fine and he knew what I wanted, but that it just wasn’t quite time. He/it said that I was certainly welcome to come back when time comes. That seemed to make all the difference to me. With that, the light begins to dim into the darkness. All the while I felt a great Loving from my friends and a sense of 'Until Then…', until the darkness becomes total.
Somehow there was a motion of opening as I moved somewhere else in the dark; then the dark began to morph into pearlescence again and I found myself looking through wispy clouds. The clouds seem to part to allow me to see a tableau below me. It didn’t make any sense but what I saw was a mixture of greens, some tans and browns, some black lines, some white; a veritable palette of colors and shapes below. Then I seemed to be floating above a green field with round dots clustered together directly beneath my field of vision. The round circles were made up of white and green or white and blue or white and red triangles. Above the circles was a larger blueness with white around it. I noted the scene for just a second as I felt myself drawn down and into the blueness. Then I felt myself pulled up and my dream stops.
Date NDE Occurred: 9/7/1946
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Illness, trauma or other condition not considered life threatening. Drowning. Experience triggered by immersion; time underwater 10 seconds
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? No
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I was 14 months old. The experience was the starting point for what I think of as consciousness and sense of self.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Throughout the experience.
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was observing a greater area and I was attending to the scene with awareness that 'I' was aware.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was hearing when I was sitting on the step but there was no sound during the experience from the time I rolled into the water. I just 'knew' what was being communicated.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I went into a darkness that evolved into a lighter area that felt as though it had a boundary. Ahead of my point of view, I watched as a circular area became brighter.
Did you see any beings in your experience? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. At 14 months old, everything is generally unfamiliar.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt Interest, Calmness, Despair, and Love.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did you have a feeling of joy? No
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did scenes from your past come back to you? No
The experience included: Awareness of the future
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown
What was your religion prior to your experience? Do not know. I was approximately 14 months of age and unaware of religion at that time.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Other or several faiths. I have gone to many churches in my life, but I would not consider myself 'religious'. I believe in, and have attempted, to follow a path with spirit. If asked, I usually say 'I'm a Quantum Taoist', whatever that means.
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I had no beliefs. I was 14 months old. The above question has no meaning for my experience. I checked 2 but it does't fit.
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? No
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists. Yes. My Friend 'told me' that I was welcome to come back later, but not now.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown
Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Unknown
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Unknown
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes My Friend held me in what I sensed as Love hands.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life. I believe that my Event shaped many aspects of how I was shaped through my Life. I also suspect I have a greater capacity for holding on to memories, have a way better than average use of my body, though it could just be genetic. I have an ability to see patterns, but that could just be genetic as well. I've also experinced instances of what I've learned to see as paranormal events.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I began remembering during and from that Event on to now.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Knowing what will happen in certain situations, useful in counseling. I know that I am special; certain physical experiences like diving, skiing, and bouldering, that are exceptional, things like that.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole thing and the sense of Love.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes 19 years as described above. I've shared it with a few people, but I didn't want to get a tag for being a weirdo.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I didn't think about it. I was too young and just accepted it.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely rea.l I had an OBE that was not supposed to happen but something made things O.K.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The sense of Love
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? In 72 years, I've been on a wonderful trip that has pushed me to try and understand the Mystery of what is going on. I still don't know, but I'm waiting to see my Friends again.
Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Questionnaire is O.K. My experience appears to be somewhat non-conforming. There are too many things that I have become because of the experience that I can't see how any questionnaire would get to the kernel. I thank you for giving me a place to secure a wonderful thing I experienced.
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