After being diagnosed with mild Asperger syndrome in 2006, I started using recreational ketamine for about 3 years. As you know, a lot of 'NDEs' have been reported by ketamine users in the past and - of course - they also happened to me. As a journalist, I became interested in the question and tried to reproduce the experience, by analyzing patterns, hoping to decode and understand what was really happening. We do that a lot - Asperger people :)I was able to reproduce this same experiences experience about 10 times over the matter of 3 years. What shocked me - and deeply troubled me - is explained in the process further down.It all began the same way: brain waves being altered by the effect of ketamine on temporal lobes - I could feel the effect of changing brain waves and electricity patterns being modified, almost like when you change a radio dial. The second phase would be the hallucination part: images of religions (although I'm a atheist), I would see images of God, clouds, paradise. This 'phase' would be accompanied by a warmth-calming sensation. The light would be pink/fluorescent white and the air would be more like a solid/water/gel substance. The third phase would see this hallucination disappear. It would dissolve. I would now feel 'normal' again, as if I was on Earth, with a human body. I would be in a dark (black) holding area, usually sitting in what seemed like a tunnel-shaped cinema. There would be light at the end of the tunnel-shaped room. I would start hearing humming and feeling a loud-deep vibration all around me. The chair would then move towards the light (almost like a convoy that you see in some amusement parks). The light would get closer. On my way down the corridor, there would be video images* projected on each side of the wall captured throughout my life and shown to me as the chair is moved down the corridor. *Every time I've experienced this experiences, the video would show the same images from one experience to the other. From what I understand while sitting on that moving chair, is that the significant events in my life in Earth are being showed to me, as a reminder of what just happened. In the first 3 experiences, I wouldn't distinguish the 'television/cinema' setting, nor the fact that I was in a room. I was too overwhelmed by these images of my life. The sound was actually really intense: as if it was injected through my brain, not produced by a speaker. After the 4th experiences, I started looking around and that's when I noticed the surroundings. The fourth phase happens at the end of the corridor. When this mechanical/multimedia process is over, the light at the end of the tunnel becomes brighter and brighter. I remember being impregnated by the light at first, transported by the louder humming sound. After 5 experiences, I realized that the light was simply coming froman opening in the dark wall, leading to a long brightly lit spiral corridor. It was the contrast between being in the dark vs. walking in a bright surrounding that made me feel overwhelmed by the light. The fifth phase would happen after my eyes had adjusted to the light. I would be transported (usually still in a chair or lying on an hospital bed towards the 7-10 experiences) down this spiral corridor. I would then realize that the humming sound was coming for a cheering crowd of thousands of people in what seemed like a stadium, on top or besides where I was. The vibration would be caused by the clapping of the hands and tapping of the feet, as if the crowd was waiting for me - a kind of homecoming celebration. In that corridor, some staff/scientists would be walking beside me, smiling and proud of my accomplishment. It seems that life on planet Earth is a 'passage' and that I was coming back home. These faces wouldn't look familiar to me but they always seemed happy and proud to see me back - whilst in experiences 1 to 6The sixth and final phase would then happen. I would be welcomed as a hero in the middle of a giant open-air stadium with approx 90 000 spectators. Loud music would be playing while I was wheeled on stage. I remember then feeling totally immerse in the experience, as if my body on Earth didn't exist anymore. (I was able to analyze that kind of information after 5 experiences). People that I knew on Earth: parents, friends, coworkers, would be waiting for me on stage. They would all be happy to see me again. Giant screens would show images of my life on Earth - as if these people were also watching my progression on Earth while I was there. And then, the same thing would happen. As the ketamine in my system worn down (I wasn't able to administrate an extra dose while in experiences experience without stopping it), I would feel my body (on stage in the stadium) dissolve and 'melt'. In the 1-6 experiences, I could see people in the stadium becoming horrified or sad. I would hear voices saying 'we don't know what's happening'. In the 7+ experiences, I would come back to the same dark room but I would be wheeled down the spiral corridor. There would be no humming or cheering. I would be sent down in a backstage area where people (staff, employees?) would be ushering my body in an open space. I would hear the words 'cheater' being pronounced by some of them. In the 10th experiences, I was send to the same holding room. My parents were present - crying and saying that I shouldn't have artificially induced this 'transition' process, that I cheated and that this was the last time we could see each other. I would then see all the stage equipment being dismantled and was left alone. I remember seeing a newscast on a TV screen besides me where 2 anchors (that I know here in Quebec) announce that I was officially off 'my mission', that the program had been discontinued and that I would never come back to that area. There was an argument about how the rest of my Earth life would be 'not so bad' because when I first left for my mission, 'I had choose a good and comfortable planet'. My body then dissolved back. That last experiences was extremely terrifying. Back in my earthy body, it took me 3 days to get over the emotional pain of what had just happened. The whole process was so real, it was life-changing. Still today, 6 years after my last experiences experience, I have vivid sensorial memories of it all. I've used ketamine 3-4 times after that last experiences but instead of being projected in this whole light/stadium experience, I was sent to a dark cold place - industrial almost - where I was threatened by voices. My alternate body was then cut into pieces and thrown in a chute. I would wake up immediately.
Date NDE Occurred: oct 2006
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Other:
Ketamine induced anesthesia
How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I would still be aware that my earthy body was lying on the sofa. My cat would start meowing, as if it could sense a different level of energy or that something was happening to me.
I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was aware that there was a physical body lying in my house on Earth and was aware of this second entity/world at the same time.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? All the time
Were your thoughts speeded up? No
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Were your senses more vivid than usual? No
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was the same... more sensitivity to light, I would say, while in the experience.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Sound was amplified and seemed as if it was 'inserted' inside my brain, not heard through my ears, during the experience
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No
The experience included: Tunnel
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I would be in a dark (black) holding area, usually sitting in what seemed like a tunnel-shaped cinema. There would be light at the end of the tunnel-shaped room. I would start hearing humming and feeling a loud-deep vibration all around me. The chair would then move towards the light (almost like a convoy that you see in some amusement parks). The light would get closer. On my way down the corridor, there would be video images projected on each side of the wall captured throughout my life and shown to me as the chair moved down the corridor. From what I understand, while sitting on that moving chair, is that the significant events in my life on Earth were being shown to me, as a reminder of what just happened. The sound was actually really intense: as if it were injected through my brain, not produced by a speaker. Down at the end of the corridor, the light becomes brighter and brighter. I remember being impregnated by the light at first, transported by the louder humming sound. The light was simply coming from an opening in the dark wall, leading to a long brightly lit spiral corridor. It was the contrast between being in the dark vs. walking in a bright surrounding; which made me feel overwhelmed by the light.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No See Experience
The experience included: Darkness
The experience included: Unearthly light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light at the end of the tunnel becomes brighter and brighter. I remember being impregnated by the light at first, transported by the louder humming sound. After the fifth experiences, I realized that the light was simply coming from an opening in the dark wall, leading to a long brightly lit spiral corridor. It was the contrast between being in the dark vs. walking in a bright surrounding, which made me feel overwhelmed by the light.
The experience included: A landscape or city
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm After hallucinations of religious-Godly figures, they dissolved and I was in the dark room - like a tunnel shaped lab/cinema. Down that corridor was a spiral corridor descending into a giant open-air stadium. These spaces all seemed real - earthly, but on a different earth.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Fear, peace, comfort, pride, deception, shame, guilt
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe It seems that all was clear: where we come from, why we're on Earth, where we go when we die. I could see and feel the energy of the universe, understand the living connection between all of our multiple entities. I would see myself existing in a Matrix-like laboratory, connected to a computer and generating multiple copies of my own self, through many different realities. It seemed all clear. This knowledge was passing through my brain so fast, as if I was fast-forwarding through it all, without reading the specifics.
The experience included: Life review
Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events I would see flashes of childhood memories and hearing many loud sentences coming from my brother, my mother and father. They would be normal events: me smiling, running, playing - but also milestones in my life. I don't recall them all. The emotions associated with these images are pleasant: the images weren't shown to make me feel guilty about anything bad I could have done. It was only a way for me to remember what had just happened while I was on Earth. They were all real memories of my actual life.
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross BUT I did cross. I went through the whole tunnel, the whole 'death/reborn' experience. That's how I saw what was beyond the light...: the stadium, the returning process. Every time, I would end up in the same stadium. The crowd would have come to celebrate my return to my world... and every time, I would see my body dissolve and I would be sent back to my earthy body.
God, Spiritual and Religion:
What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me
What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist Raised catholic but non practicing
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I started reading about Buddhism and am considering joining a church.
What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me
What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Atheist
Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I didn't believe in reincarnation and life after death. I didn't understand why we we're on Earth. After these NDE, all of these questions have been answered
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I try to enjoy most of my life on Earth as if it was my last enjoyable moments of my existence.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin In that corridor, some staff/scientists would be walking beside me, smiling and proud of my accomplishments on Earth. It seems that life on planet Earth is a 'passage' and that I was coming back home. These faces wouldn't look familiar to me but they always seemed happy and proud to see me back. I would then be welcomed as a hero in the middle of a giant open-air stadium with approximately 90 000 spectators. Loud music would be playing while I was wheeled on stage. I remember then feeling totally immersed in the experience, as if my body on Earth didn't exist anymore. People that I knew on Earth: parents, friends, coworkers, would be waiting for me on stage. They would all be happy to see me again. Giant screens would show images of my life on Earth - as if these people were also watching my progression on Earth while I was there.
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes It would happen right after the intake of ketamine, as the first step into the Near Death Experience. images of religions (although I'm a atheist), I would see images of God, clouds, paradise. This 'phase' would be accompanied by a warmth-calming sensation. The light would be pink/fluorescent white and the air would be more like a solid/water/gel substance.
During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes We exist somewhere in a system where humans have a purpose to produce energy. We are connected to a 'Matrix' computer to artificially create universes within our brains and therefore produce energy to power a system. For what? I didn't get to see it. The more 'copies' of yourself you produce within the Matrix, the more energy you produce.
During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Our presence on Earth is made possible by this connection to the system. As humans, we have to create these universes and evolve in them to produce energy. Because all of these universes are produced by my brain, connected to the system, I felt there was a unity between everything. That I was the only 'real' person existing on Earth. The other persons co-existing with me were only copies of themselves in their own universes.
Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably does not exist
During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes God is an hallucination to ease the transition process when death happens on earth... like an automated system of visions to allow the conscience to transition peacefully between the earth and this other reality. There is no God after all.
Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God probably exists
Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I was shown the mystery of life but I was blamed for seeing it because I did not die for real - I crossed over while using ketamine. I was seen as a cheater and abandoned here on Earth. Still today, I worry if it is true and if I will just die and stop existing instead of being sent back home.
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant
During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes A mission... a test to study human, to understand what can go wrong with the human race.
Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife probably does not exist
Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes We are sent on Earth for some reason. People in this alternate universe are watching our lie on Earth, as we would watch a reality television show. This mission on Earth lasts shorter than our life in the alternate universe because time is different. After multiple Near Death Experience, I was able to 'explore' deeper and deeper into the ramification of it all. I could see that we exist in many many copies in many universes. But the origin of it all would be a great laboratory, somewhere in a mountain setting, where humans would be sleeping in little boxes, connected to a 'matrix' kind of system, to produce energy.
Did you fear death prior to your experience? I did not fear death
Do you fear death after your experience? I greatly fear death
Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life
Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are not meaningful and significant
Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No
During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No
Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others
During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes My real loved ones don't exist on Earth. They were waiting for me on the other side. That could be why I never had a long-meaningfull relationship on Earth.
Were you compassionate after your experience? Slightly compassionate toward others
What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? After the first experience, I wasn't afraid of death - I was actually impatient to die for real (not in a suicidal way but more in a peaceful-spiritual way). After a couple of experiences induced by ketamine and horrific visions of being abandoned to Earth, by these people on the other side, I'm now terribly worried about death: I'm afraid that I will be left floating in an empty black space for eternity. That's why I try to enjoy most of my life on Earth as if it was my last enjoyable moments of my existence.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I feel less and less connected to other human beings, knowing that my real family is somewhere else.
After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes 2-3 years after the experience, I've sent emails to doctors specializing in that field of science.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I read about them and heard about experiences on television
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Emotions were real. My cat was meowing - he could sense something. I felt immersed in this other world.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I still believe that it's all real and the emotions are so vivid and still affect me. It's like a post-traumatic experience.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes About 10 times, always ketamine induced
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