Elias Ketamine

Experience Description

I had tried the drug ketamine for the first time at a party at university. Following this, I went back to my dorm.

About half an hour to an hour after taking the drug, I suddenly left my body with no control. I began to feel like I was being attacked by dark entities and was terrified. Then an immense familiar light appeared which I recognized to be my true nature. All darkness disappeared and my terror was replaced by shame for finding myself in such a sick internal state while in the presence of such pure light. The canvas of reality as I knew it was lifted and the material world was transcended. I began to witness my life from start to finish with the best and worst moments being highlighted to me. I was shown that as a young teen, I was on the correct path with pure intentions but then I began to live for the wrong reasons and a hedonistic lifestyle. I also felt the anguish of an old friend who I had betrayed in the past. I was told I would become ill if I did not change my ways and that there was too much hatred in my heart for my fellow man. Eventually I was asked if I wanted to return. I was desperate for the experience to end and said 'Yes.' I was informed life would be extremely hard upon my return but I said that I would work things out, just as long as I could return. Then just as suddenly, I dropped back into my body and found my thoughts racing at a thousand miles per hour. It was as if Universal Knowledge was pouring into my mind at an incredible rate and I tried desperately to regain control of my brain because I felt it was imperative to my sanity that this should stop as soon as possible. Once over, my brain felt fried and I was emotionally shaken to my core.

Since then I have felt extremely emotionally unstable, physically stressed and life has been very hard to contend with, as promised. The truth is, I was already in a bad mental state going into the experience, but this worsened tenfold following the NDE.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 05/2008

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Drug or medication overdose. Other: Ketamine

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal You are in a greater reality and therefore more conscious

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Hard to say but probably near the end

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning Time definitely lost all meaning yet at the same time, I could probably guess the whole thing lasted around a minute or two.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. You can't even use terms like vision and hearing...

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. See above

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

The experience included: Tunnel

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I was definitely 'travelling' through somewhere dark.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Powerful, infinite, eternal, blinding, familiar

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm It was as if I was back to the 'source'. The world had completely disintegrated.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Terror, Shame, Guilt, Remorse

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe It was as if all truth about the world and myself was exposed. During the actual experience it was more of a 'feeling' but upon returning to my body, for a few seconds to a minute it became more noetic and unbearable to comprehend without going mad.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control They were all moments that had really happened. I saw myself as a young teen doing well in life, studying, learning to play music, and ‘walking in the light' as it were. I then saw more recent events of excessive drinking, partying, and chasing women. I also felt the pain of an old friend who I had betrayed.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life Eventually, I was asked if I wanted to return. I was desperate for the experience to end and said yes. I was informed life would be extremely hard upon my return but I said that I would work things out, just as long as I could return.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I am aware that being religious/spiritual is deeper than just attending church on Sundays.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Moderately important to me

What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience From a religious objective point of view, it all made sense i.e. judgment day, loving your fellow man, life after death. Subjectively, what I did not expect was to feel so wretched as an individual - I thought I was better than that.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I am extremely wary not to hurt people or do harm to them.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It was probably an angel, I couldn't see him; it was purely telepathic communication.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I was completely aware of human oneness and aware that I was acting out of line with it.

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God probably exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes It was awareness beyond doubt. God definitely exists.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No Uncertain of this

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I don't remember.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? I was uncertain if an afterlife exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes It was awareness beyond doubt.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes It was imperative to one's well-being. Hate on the other hand was sinful and destructive to well-being.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I am aware of spirituality and the shoulds and should-nots of what is in alignment with God but in a fearful and traumatic way.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Hard to say and distinguish if it was as a result of the experience or simply my mind making relationships tougher to handle.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th This is the strongest experience I have ever had and therefore has imprinted strongly in my memory.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain Possibly a more pathological and disturbing sensitivity to the environment, energy and people

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The communication with the being of light

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes A few months, it took time for me to even understand/process it within myself as a phenomenon. Most people reacted with amazement/surprise

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes On TV programs. No, it had no effect on the experience itself.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real The experience almost left me in a semi-holy state for a while afterwards. I felt more connected to my source but at the same time divided within myself, because I knew as a personality, I was not an all-loving and powerful eternal being and this had a further destabilizing effect on my mind. It is confusing because I was already feeling mentally unwell for months leading up to the experience and so I am curious to know how I would have perceived it all if I were in a healthy state of mind instead.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. It happened as clear, or clearer, than any other event in my life, so how can I deny it?

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No