Ciara B NDE

Experience Description

I’m really trying to understand what happened to me because I know I didn’t die. I essentially had no heartbeat for less than a second because of a drug I was given to reset a heart arrhythmia.

Prior to this experience, I had no frame of reference for what was about to happen to me. I had completely absorbed myself in the Christian notion that you live, die, then go to Heaven or Hell. There was no in-between heaven or hell, or anything else whatsoever. The content of this experience is difficult for me to define but I will do best with the words the English language provides.

Many months prior to this day, I had begun experiencing two different arrhythmias; one being supraventricular tachycardia (SVT) and the other was atrial fibrillation (A-fib). Other than a heart murmur when I was a child, I had never dealt with any issues until after I had been given a birth control shot. Within the first month of the shot, I had my first SVT. Within 2 months, I had my first A-Fib.

So back to the day of my event: I was spending time with my husband and kids. We had just gotten done eating tacos as a family. I was quite full and feeling that post-meal lethargy when you’ve definitely eaten way too much. Just as I sat down to relax, I could see my shirt moving from my heart beating at such a rapid rate. I was sure I was in SVT, so my first response was to try to trigger a reset of my rhythm at home. My electrophysiologist taught me several maneuvers to try at home first before I call for an ambulance. I tried the things several times, including putting my face in ice cold water. NOTHING was working. I was beginning to panic which wasn’t helping me either. So I made the decision to go to the hospital.

In the ambulance they made me take 4 little aspirins. I remember thinking, 'Why am I taking this? I don’t have a headache.' I know now that I was having a heart attack. I don’t remember much from the drive to the hospital because I was in panic the whole way. EMTs started an IV. We talked about how young I was to be experiencing heart troubles. We arrived at the hospital. I was transferred to a new bed where I was hooked up to the EKG machine. I heard them say 'She’s in a-fib.' I was thinking how scary it was that I thought it was just SVT. SVT doesn’t typically pose any type of life-threatening risk the way that atrial fibrillation can. As I was thanking God that I made it to the hospital without anything more serious happening, that’s when another nurse came over to stick me with another IV. I asked why I had to have another IV. He told me it was because they were going to give me heart medication to reset my rhythm. Since I didn’t know anything about it, I didn’t argue. They explained that it was the first thing they try before moving to more invasive things, like cardioversion. I was told that my heartrate would drop down to zero and then go back up very quickly. They didn’t explain how it would make me feel, just what it would do.

The male nurse put the syringe into the IV. I heard a pop in the top of my head and then I was above my body watching doctors and nurses moving in the slowest slow-motion I have ever seen. It was like a freeze-frame of the room where everything was moving so slow. In fact, if I wasn’t on the ceiling, looking down I may not have had the perspective to see that everything was actually moving at all. My thoughts weren’t slow though. I was taking this all in, in REAL TIME.

I don’t know how to describe this part but it’s like anything I looked at, I could see it in complete detail. Although my focus was downward on what was happening, I could perceive happenings in every direction. Just by shifting my focus, I could see microscopic details such as the texture on the ceiling. It’s like I was only a set of invisible eyes with thoughts and feelings larger than life.

I looked at this scene for what felt like minutes. Then suddenly what I was watching all faded away; as if it fell into a spinning vortex. I don’t know how to explain it other than it’s like everything, the hospital room, myself on the bed, all the nurses and doctors, ALL OF IT spun out of sight into the vortex and all that was left was blackness. And when I say blackness, it’s because there isn’t a word in the English language to describe the darkness I saw. It was almost a palpable darkness, like it was holding me in it.

I had the thought, 'If I’m there, then how am I here? Where is here?' Then all my memories of this life and OTHER LIVES came flooding back. And I knew those other lives were mine, just as much as I knew my current life was mine. I saw flashes of so many lives and moments I had hurt other people or loved other people. There was no judgement in any of this. It was merely me observing me, without feelings. I felt another presence with me at some point after this. I say 'after this' but events were not linear or sequential. Everything was happening all at once. Though, I can only explain it as separate events because that’s the only way I can make sense of it for myself. This presence telepathically told me that, 'it’s time to go back,' and 'This was just a glimpse.'

Immediately, I was back in my body, seeing with my own eyes as the nurse took the syringe out of my arm. I saw my heart rate going up from apparently zero. I spent that night in the hospital and was sent home the next day.

I’ve spent the last 12 years trying to understand what this experience was and what it means. I’ve integrated it enough that I changed my religious beliefs to be more consistent with my experience. I never saw a tunnel, bright lights, or beings. What felt in that dark space was an immense amount of love, or being held. It was like the biggest peaceful-universal bear hug I’ve ever felt. It was like being wrapped in velvet in your mom's arms while being loved beyond measure. That 'void' as people talk about was not scary to me. I had so much wisdom while I was there. I felt like I was a part of everything in that void. I wish I could think of a name for it. It was beautiful but made life here on earth feel so confusing and so much like a dream in comparison to that place.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 03/2012

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness While having a cardiac arrhythmia, was given adenosine to reset normal sinus rhythm. I was in atrial fibrillation

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes There was really nothing to verify because everything basically froze into frame where it was right before I 'popped out.' When I came back, everything picked back up just a few seconds after I left my body. Time just really didn’t seem to be a thing wherever it was that I was in that darkness. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. Where I was made earthly life or reality feel like a gameplay or a dream. Nothing feels real anymore.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When I was in the darkness, that’s when all this wisdom and memories of my past lives came.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. When I popped out of myself, looking at the hospital room, everything and everyone was almost frozen, but there was slight movement, very VERY VERY slight movement of time. It was like someone hit pause and then started to slow motion things forward but slower than anything possible.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My everyday vision is 20/20, this was like having the vision of a microscope with 360° capabilities.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing seemed to be muted out. I don’t remember actually hearing, it’s more like I was feeling with my ears to hear rather than listening with ears, it’s hard to describe here on this part. Oh and right before I heard the pop I describe in my experience I remember very briefly hearing this high pitch tone of sorts.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place Just this dark, blackness. I wish I could describe it more than just 'the void' like so many refer to it. It’s more than that, I want to say that it’s alive and we are all connected to it. I don’t know. It’s like it’s more alive than we are here. It’s like it was there to just hold me and love me while I sat in it. If I had to say what the feeling it was, it was like palpable, like a velvet type feeling around you, wrapping me in love and comfort beyond recognition.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love!!!! A feeling of being HELD in the darkness. Peace. All the wisdom there was to know, I knew it.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I knew everything and was connected to everything, I was everything and everything was me yet it was as if I was nothing and everything at the same time.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control I saw what were like flashes of images and small little videos of my life currently and in past lives. The smaller little video plays that seemed to appear in front of me on what looked like an old projection screen were videos of me being kind to others and also times in MANY different lives where I wasn’t so nice. In one particular screen play of sorts, I was me in this life as a little girl in this bath tub with all these other kids, my brother who was just a toddler, as was I in this moment I saw, came into the bathroom and this older lady came and grabbed him by the arm and started spanking him and telling him it was the girls time in the tub. I talked to my mom about this and she said we were in foster care when we were little and that this event happened because the foster mother told her about it. My mom said she was really upset because she felt my brother was way too young to be getting spankings especially over an accident. This astounded me when I learned that this thing I saw in my experience ACTUALLY happened. For me, this in particular really blew my mind more than even being above the room and seeing what I did because it verifies for me that there was so much to this experience that I’ll probably never understand!

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Other Christian Was raised in a traditional Christian home by a pastor and pastors wife (an aunt and uncle). Had very strong views prior to experience, that has changed radically due to this experience.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I no longer practice Christian faith. I don’t have to go to church every Sunday to go to 'Heaven' I just know that. It’s a knowing now, that Hell isn’t even a real place.

What is your religion now? Other faiths- New age I would say I’m closer to believing Law of One principals based on my experience and what resonates now with me in its aftermath.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I was raised that when you die, you leave your body only when you’ve died. I didn’t necessarily die, rather my heart was brought to zero then it went back up in less than a second. I did not see Jesus, I did not get told if my name was written in some book of life to allow me into Heaven, I had none of that. So even if I died for a second, nothing in the religious teachings I had growing up can account for this experience. This experience has me completely removed from even the English language. It’s an ineffable experience in which I tried to share the best and most accurately I could because it’s still just as rich now as it was when it happened.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I stopped going to a Christian church and started researching many different religions and spiritual practices. I’ve found myself leaning into the law of one teachings.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I felt a presence with me, but there was no voice persay, I heard their voice so to speak in my head. I don’t know if it was make or Female, the voice was more like information just being exchanged in my head from this presence, a conversation in my head, no talking. It’s hard again to describe quite what it was like. There aren’t words. So this is very difficult to explain.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I saw other lives of mine. And I knew they were mine. No one told me that, I just knew because in those moments of the experience, the memories were realer than any memories I’ve ever had before. The memories weren’t just memories. I was reliving some of them.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I felt connected to absolutely freaking everything in that blackness. I was it and it was me. Whatever God was, I was that too, I was the light, the darkness. I was the thoughts, and the blankness and nothingness too! And I was every person and loving thing, every rock, every tree. I was it and it was me.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I feel it was special knowledge to come back just with this great knowing that we are here to love, and that love is everything that matters!

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I had the feeling we are all here to love. It was a feeling, not something told to me. I just knew.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain I’m not sure that I thought I was dead. I just know I was just very much observing everything that was happening with no opinion or judgement. When I was in this place of wisdom, I knew all there was to know and I know that I knew it all, but I don’t remember all that wisdom now. I was aware at some point that where I was, was outside this reality. I knew that.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Again, it was just this knowledge that did come back with me, that love is all that matters! That if we do all things with love, that’s what really counts and it ripples out, I knew that too upon coming back.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life My whole paradigm shifted. Loving people, being kind and just being compassionate toward all living beings big and small, human or not, it’s the only thing truly that matters to me is to love people as big as I can and help people where and anytime I can.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? People don’t like people being super loving apparently. I’ve lost friends due to my change in attitude, oddly from a worse to a more optimistic attitude I lost friends but gained better ones in return you could say. Yes

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It’s hard to explain because there is no experience here on Earth that could ever compare or at least not that I’ve experienced yet to have even heard of outside of things like this now that I’ve discovered NDE’s since my event happened. Everything I experienced was like it all happened at once yet, it’s like I was connected to everything and I had no questions!!!! It just felt like I was finally the real me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience This experience was more rich, more real, more vivid than any life experience, any sleeping dream or waking daydream I have ever had! It’s like it just happened every year that has passed, it goes with me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes My intuition is in point since my experience. I often can predict things pretty darn accurately such as my older brother's death in 2022. I predicted it a month prior to it happening. I shared my fear of him dying with others in my family who were pretty freaked out by my accuracy to it actually happening pretty close to when I said it would.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it is significant. Especially seeing my past lives where I had caused pain for others, that really changed the way I live life now.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It took 6 years before I shared it with the first and only person I’ve ever shared it with until now. They did not take to it well. They told me it was likely an effect of the drug and when I asked how could I have seen the whole room from above and all around me like I did, like the details of the ceiling or walls. They said 'it was in your head, just let it go' so I did. I was embarrassed when I finally share it the first time, so I haven’t again til now.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew it was real because it made this earthly life seem so cartoonish in comparison for lack of better words…per usual trying to describe this.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Since it happened I have just known in my heart it was real, how could it not be? How could a place more real than here, not be real?

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? It was real. It happened. And that place, that darkness was a profound life changing place that took my whole paradigm and flipped it on its head. Nothing in this life will ever quantify that experience and again, I know that with just a knowing. Love is what matters and I want people to know that love is what matters for their life too! We are here to love each other and be kind and be in service to each other!

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I don’t think you could ask anything more. What could be asked more to describe something that really will never have words to describe it anyways.

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