Allen O NDE

Experience Description

Before I start I want to say. After the experience I started studying quantum computing as a hobby. I've taken astrophysics classes as electives at my university. I'm close friends with a physics professor who also looked into the occult. I was friends lots of wiccans and witches for a very long time. Witches tend to be very attracted to me. I have a homing beacon for them. Not new age witches. The last witch I knew lives in Colorado. We had a bit of a falling out so we're no longer in contact nor on good terms yet her practice was passed down through generations and generations. She has books that are hundreds of years old. Another witch I met she is an older woman from a Salem bloodline of witches who escaped prosecution. She doesn't practice yet what she told me is I'm pure love and from the spiritual realm whatever that means.

When I used to go to a Buddhist meetup to practice meditation. I was able to enter the flow state at will effortlessly with no previous practice. I learned when I was young that I seem to have a connection with dogs, cats, and wildlife and I can communicate with them. We seem to be on the same frequency while the rest of our species specifically in the west is alienated from their own natural instincts.

When I go hiking I've had a situation where a mountain was trapped in a fence. I walked right over. Let the animal sniff me. I looked it in the eyes and with silence communicated with it I mean it no harm and I will help it out of the fence and for it to stay calm. The lion stayed calm and I got it out of the fence. It looked at me in the eyes as if to thank me and went off into the mountains. I've had a similar with a jet black stray cat. It was lost in neighborhood and I took it in for long as I could I fed it and then one day it had to go and I released back in the neighborhood. It meowed in tones I understood and I was able to use nonverbal and voice tonnage to communicate back. I tend to hike alone because I feel more connected with the environment when I'm there alone over hiking with other humans.

When I go fishing or hunting before I kill the animal I thank it for its meat and bless it on its journey. I do believe in the Native American idea of giving and taking from the land. To eat every part of the animal and to use whatever of its flesh left for other items. To only take what you need and to give back what you can. If you take care of the land it will take care of you and that is as true as it comes.

If you coexist with the universe rather than cut it down and dominate it you will find balance and it really does work that way. There truly is some kind of energy that connects the living and the dead. I've been calling it the love frequency. If you just tune into it you can see everything for what it really is. You don't have to think what to say to people. The words just come to you. I can look into someone's eyes and see their soul. Feel what they feel and they can feel what I feel. That I had stronger when I was a kid and then lost it for a while and regained it after the accident. I tried to wake up to my family to this frequency that's the heartbeat of the universe. You don't need to use words to communicate with others when you're tuned into this frequency. You can speak Chinese and I'll understand everything you say to me and if you're on this frequency you'll understand me speaking English.

The meaning of life. Knowledge everything you can think of is on this frequency. I tried to wake my parents and my siblings up to what I accidentally stumbled upon and they just called me crazy. What I've done is for the most part I keep it to myself and I tune out of that frequency so I can get my work done. I'll probably move to Thailand at some point to live in a culture that's more in tune with the world around them. Western society is very out of touch with reality.

With this near death experience I was quite deep in my own practices of my religion. I was in Beaver Creek Colorado with my two sisters, my brother, my dad, and his wife. My brother, my younger sister the older of the two, and my older brother we all went skiing on a run called Screech Owl. There was a patch of trees in the run that would count as side country. It wasn't out of bounds but it also wasn't exactly the safest set of trees.

The first section of the side country required my brother and I to hop turn our way down through the trees. Our sister was small enough to make turns turn. We get to a spot where I fell into a tree well. Half of my body is in the tree well the half of my body was not in and I hauled my body out of it and then we kept going hop turning. We get out of the trees and onto a mini catwalk. It was flat enough to most likely be a catwalk but it wasn't wide enough to fit a snowcat. It was a gap between the trees we just exited and the next part of the trees. The trail went around a curve and what was behind the curve we could not see.

Now we did have the option to get back on the actual run but we choose not to because we could tell that if we went down the trail we would gain a ton of speed and it would save us the hike back to the actual run. We decided we would wait 15 mins each before we dropped into the single line because we could tell that for one we have to straight line and two in case something does happen on the other side of the bend 15 minutes is enough time to get out of the way. We had an agreement that my brother goes, then I go, and my sister follows. My brother scouts. I ski down, and I shout back to my sister that it's safe to go. That's how we navigated the previous set of trees to make sure we got her through the trees safe. We needed a system to make sure everybody is safe.

My brother goes first he tells me wait 15 mins so he can scout. Then I go and then let sister know it's safe for her to go. My brother goes. Five minutes goes by. Ten minutes goes by. My sister just goes. She didn't follow protocol. She just booked it. I'm sitting there, a little bit freaked out, because I don't know what's beyond the bend. My intuition tells me Allen DO NOT GO. You need to make that hike. I ignore my intuition and I wait the fifteen minutes and I go. I start cruising. I'm speeding up. I'm ripping and I'm coming around the bend and there's my sister stuck blocking the only way out of these super dense trees.

There is no other exit. She is in the exact spot where I need to be to exit. I shouted at her to move and she can't hear me. I tried slowing down. I'm burning my calves and hamstrings trying to stop when I'm already cruising at like 50 mph. I was going way too fast to make a significant effort to slow down. I looked at her and I looked at the tree next to her. I had a split second and I was able to calculate the probability of my survival and hers on if I hit her vs if I hit the tree. If I hit her I would survive but since she was still pretty young she would've gotten killed. Very little chance of her survival especially at the angle she was stuck. The impact would've snapped her neck from the angle I was cruising and the speed I was coming. Her skis were tripped in the tree on the opposite side of the one I was looking at. The one I was looking at was a little bit closer to me.

With the split second that I had I decided to aim for the tree. I had a very low chance of surviving because of the speed I was at. I relaxed my body to a full limp as if I was completely trashed from vodka. A second before I hit the tree I saw my sister break free from being trapped and she skied away. She could've pulled out. I don't know what was trapping her. She didn't have that much of an entrapment.

I put my poles on my left side of my body. The first thing to hit was the front of my thighs the quadriceps, my thighs and my poles took a significant amount of the impact. Then my chest hit the tree, directly where my heart is at, then my ribs, then my head hit the tree. It snapped back I remember screaming. I never screamed like that in my life as I felt the pain shoot through my entire body. My head it snapped back and then it came back again and hit the tree again. The last memory I have is seeing the wood then seeing the branches and then seeing my head snap back and hit the wood again.

Then everything started fading and I felt my body airborne. I could feel myself flying through the air and everything went black. The next consciousness I had I was somewhere. I don't know where or when I was. It was super bright and everything was beautiful. I've used every psychedelic out there. I don't why people say DMT is like a near death experience. It's not. Nothing comes close to what I experienced. I've done very high doses of psychedelics. I've mixed different drugs. I smoked angel dust in high-school and still NOTHING comes close to wherever I was. That is how I know I was dead and that place is real because nothing can even get a fraction close to the beauty. The sensation of pure love and it was so bright and a beautiful in a way I could never describe without you actually being there.

No piece of art can paint a canvas of that place. It was serene. Out of this world. That was worth dying for to experience that realm. To know that there is a place capable of pure beauty and love and so so much Love. I am glad I died because I got to experience that place. When I was there I was blown away by the beauty. I realized a weird sensation I couldn't feel my body. I started looking around looking for it and before I came to the realization that my body is gone and here I am floating in God knows where a woman's voice cut through my focus on where my body is. I look up and there is a woman above me strong and very powerful. Much larger than whatever I was.

I only remember she had jet black hair. Long jet black hair and this very distinct perfume. If I were to run into that scent I would know. It's very specific. That scent filled my car when I almost got killed a second time after that experience in a high speed near collision a month later. The accident would've killed me and the scent blew up in the car. Over powering smell. She was there and navigated me out of the accident. I don't remember how her face looks like. Same for skiing. The moment I got back to my body I remembered her face for couple seconds and then it was gone. In the other realm when she addressed me she said to me, 'Do you want to stay or do you want to go?'

An image of my sisters popped up as if like on a screen and they were older in that image. It wasn't an image even it was like a video and they're walking down a street and they had a different look in their eyes. I looked at her and say I want to stay because I don't my sisters to suffer because I understand how much they will suffer. I love my sisters and they love me and I could not give them a lifetime of suffering with me gone.

Then this overwhelming amount of pain hits me I begin to remember all the suffering and trauma and the pure hellish existence I have living life because I'm treated like a doormat by my father and most people I come in contact with. All the love I'm willing to give is just one sided. People use me up at my expense. I get screwed over time and time again. Enough where I don't like humans all that much from being treated poorly. All this brutality. I look back at her and say I change my mind I want to go. Please let me escape this hellish existence. She looked at me with disgust and waved her hand. I start falling and I'm begging her to not send me back and she doesn't even look at me. I feel myself falling and I start cursing her out. I called her a bitch and I'm falling. The light disappears and it becomes darkness again but I can feel myself falling. I was falling for a while. Then I stop falling. I can tell I'm somewhere again but I don't know where. I hear a voice my voice and it says to me 'okay you're back. Now what I need you to do is wake up and get up because if you don't you will die here. This is the end of the day. No one is coming to get you. No one knows you hit a tree. Allen get up.'

I start thinking to myself okay how do I get this machine started. Do I remember how this machine works? For a good couple minutes, I had no idea how to get my body started. Then I say to myself okay let's improvise. I think to myself try to get your legs moving but do it slowly because it's very possible they're broken. Little by little I'm able to move my legs. My right side was doing just fine little sore. My left side pure ungodly pain. Just absolutely miserable pain. However, it was moving and I thought to myself that's good as long as it's moving I got something to work with.

I flip myself over onto my back and I open my eyes my face it is covered in snow so I wipe the snow off. I pull my phone out and check the time and the date. I was face planted in the snow for thirty minutes. I see 20 phone calls from brother. Tons of texts of him asking where I'm at. I put my phone in my pocket. I realize I won't be able to stand up so I roll over and I look at where my skis are at I got sling slot about 10 ft away from the tree. I crawled over to the tree and grabbed my poles and dragged one ski down to the flat area laid my poles next to it. Crawled back up got my second ski and put on the flat. Some people skied right past me and I'm just like thinking to myself wtf man you see a guy crawling and you don't even stop to ask if he's okay just wow. It was the end of the day and everything was already shut down but just wow.

I use my poles to lift myself up and I put on my right ski and supporting my weight on my right ski I put on my left ski. Now I'm thinking to myself how do I get down the mountain when the entire left side of my body is stiff and there's too much pain in my left leg to make any use of it and the pain is increasing. My left arm is shot. Its locked stiff. I can't bend it. My back of my left side is in holy hell amounts of pain. I decide to lean all my weight on my right side and I put both of my poles in my right arm and started side slipping to gauge how much pain I'm willing tolerate in my current state. I start doing super slow very wide slalom style skiing turns where every-time I'm on my right side I'm side slipping to get lower and left I'm leaning on my right side and skiing with a slight vertical to get down. I was able to get a pretty angle skiing on my right to get down and tolerate a decent amount of pain. I get down to my brother and he's got a panicked look in his face asking where I was. I said to him 'I hit the tree and I've been unconscious for the past 30 minutes why didn't you hike up and look for me? Instead, you sat on your phone calling me. I could be dead right now.'

My sister said to my brother she did hear me scream but didn't think much of it. He didn't have the chance to respond because a ski patroller came down and asked if we were alright. I found out from the patroller he was the guy my brother called to look for me. I looked at the patroller said, 'I'm not great but I'll manage skiing down.' I don't know why I never went to the hospital or saw a doctor after that accident. The accident was the last day of skiing for my season and I live in Denver so I figured I'd just chill at the condo ice and use heat packs. The left side of my body skin was blue and hard for months. It had a prickly feel to it. My solution to dealing with the pain was a lot of weed, ice packs, and a heat blanket. I didn't work out for 3 months straight. Instead, I got high the 3 months straight and relaxed sleeping on ice and heat packs day and night. I couldn't feel the left side of my body. I dragged my body to class like a zombie. I don't know why but the next day after the accident my entire left side got stiff to the point where I couldn't bend my knee, my arm, and my neck was locked. I couldn't move my neck. Every day I tried to bend my knee, my arm little by little, wrist and move my neck little by little. I was able to move my joints fully within 3 months. My upper left back and shoulder never healed. The flesh wounds healed. My back never did. Every time I get a massage the therapist asks if I was in a recent car accident. What I did with that is I got used to the pain. The pain is still there but I got used to it. I had to retrain the muscles in the left side of my body. They are significantly weaker than my right side after that accident. It took me months to regain strength on that side yet it's not as well coordinated as it used to be, I have to improvise everything with that side.

I went to a doctor two years later to try to fix my back because I don't want to be dependent on weed to manage the pain. They checked my knee. They did MRIs of my spine to check for nerve damage. They did x-rays and bloodwork. Nothing came back. It's like the accident never happened. Yet the pain is still there I can still feel it and every massage therapist with any amount of spiritual belief notices. Last summer in 2022 I was in Turkey riding around on a flite board going 30 mph which I don't know how much is in knots. I hit a wave wrong and fell forward and ran myself over. I hit my elbow hard and in a nerve. The adrenalin of being trapped under this board got me out of it and I laid on the board and road back to the pier. When I got to the pier and walked back to the hotel my left knee gave out and the left side of my face stroked out. It like melted and the exact pain I had from the accident shot through the entire left side of my body. That only lasted for 30 seconds and my body regained composure everything went back to normal.

After the accident I was pretty pissed that I was still alive. I was pissed off at the woman I met. I don't know why she sent me back to the living. She gave me a choice and why she sent me back no idea. I don't know what to believe in anymore. When I moved into my apt I hooked up with a girl who it was weird best way to describe is we both got possessed and it was interesting. The interesting part was how I recognized her and she recognized me as if we've known each-other our whole lives as if we were married once. She was a total stranger. During the sex there was a moment where I felt something growing inside of me and my skin became like a costume. As if I could rip off my skin and the real me was below it. The only drug involved was edibles. I've had sex on edibles before but nothing like that. That was paranormal. Then I met this other girl and that was uncanny. Sex with her was like as if we were one person. Not two separate bodies but one soul and it was as if heaven was on Earth and the only drugs involved there was Adderall and cannabis but again that couldn't have created that specific feeling. It wasn't from this world. After she left. I hung out with my witch friend and she wanted to perform a revenge ritual to avenge the murder of her fiancée. Normally you're not supposed to engage in negative energy work. It's usually strictly forbidden in most occult practice because it's unpredictable and it's uncharted territory. No-one really knows what happens when you channel negative energy in revenge ritual. Yet because I really cared about her and I was used to being treated like a doormat I went through with the ritual against my intuitions warnings to not conduct the ritual.

About two weeks before the pandemic hit. I had a dream of an American colonial house in the woods and there was a clearing. The house was on top of a hill in a clearing. It was night and there were stars out. Clear sky no clouds. I had a fish eye view of the colonial house. The kind of house you would've seen in the original 13 colonies. I knew I was in the sky I couldn't really tell exactly where I was in the sky or where my body was but I had the view of a crow. Like one of those black birds. It was that kind of view. I zoom in on the house and I see a circle of very fine high quality white salt around this house about a foot wide. I see a man pouring that white salt yet I only see him from the back at first. He's chanting in a language I've never heard in my entire life. None of my religious practice ever used salt. I've never used salt for anything I've ever done.

He's wearing all black formal wear and he's pouring it in a perfect circle around the house. As he comes to close the circle of salt he stops. He looks up to where I am, smiles and I realize it's me but older mid-30s. Yet his eyes aren't mine. They're ancient with vast knowledge, intense, powerful, and very unsettling. The eyes look at me and my face smiles and says to me in the sky, 'Don't worry everything is going to be alright.' Then it goes black and I find myself in his body, my body and I am now in control of the salt and I decide to pour the rest of the salt closing the circle.

These bolts of white lighting start hitting the salt. Loud explosions begin echoing in the air as each bolt of lightning strikes the salt. It sounds like bombs being dropped. A circular clear disk appears above the house and the lighting is originating from that disk. The lighting stops and the deafening sounds end. The disk begins to turn into a dome and expand over the house matching the circle of salt. It doesn't fall at an even pace. Certain parts of dome hit the salt locking down with it.

As it comes down to my side where I'm standing to seal the house shut a young woman and a dog come running out of the house she's crying and begging for me to let them out. I pause and think about it for a moment. My intuition is uncertain. It says it's a good and a bad idea. So, I say to her you two may come through and she breaks out in joy and thanks me for letting her out. The dome comes and shuts the house in. She vanishes into the woods with the dog.

The dream goes black and I'm now inside the colonial house. There's an old CRT TV on a night stand. The furniture is from the 50s American style. Yet I know it's modern day just the design of the house is old for some reason. There's a woman on the tv a newscaster. She's crying and the Emergency broadcast system is activated at the bottom of screen talking about an outbreak and lots of violence and death. She's crying and saying while breaking down that there's so much blood in the streets. That there's blood everywhere and people are dying. She is crying her eyes out and telling people to stay indoors. The emergency broadcast system is showing a body count and saying stay indoors. I have this intuitive feeling that I did something wrong and things are going to get ugly. My whole family and people I care about is in the room. They have concerned looks on their face. They're asking me what are we going to do and I tell I'm not sure.

I look out the window and I see a hoard of zombies coming to the house. Leading them is a short woman 5'3 again I don't remember her face but she had long jet black hair and she looked middle eastern. What I do remember is she had a very angry look in her eyes and she was marching to the house with the zombie hoard following her as if she commanded them. She came to the house. The zombies flowed into the house they murdered my whole family and the people I cared about right before my eyes. I couldn't do anything. I was powerless. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I watched as they ripped my parents throats off. I just watched it happen. Once they killed everybody I cared about she walks in. She looks me straight in the eyes with a fire in her eyes. Pure rage. She says to me, 'Allen we need to talk.' Dream ends and I wake up in my bed in complete and total shock. Two weeks later first wave of covid happens and lockdown happens.

Leading up to the pandemic about a year ago I had a feeling that something bad was coming. An army was on its way is what I was telling my buddy. I can feel something coming and it's going change the entire world. I knew something was coming I just couldn't put my finger on it. Once the pandemic ended. Lot of weird stuff that was occurring just stopped happening. The way how I look at the near death the dreams and my religious is that they're all connected. I genuinely believe if you want to know the meaning of life and have genuine Happiness; you need to have faith that death is just a new beginning you need to believe in something greater than yourself. That there is more in reality than what the eye or our technology can record. After that experience I've decided to have an open mind and realize that if you can think it then somewhere in the universe it does exist.

My takeaway from the experience is most likely there's planetary laws. If we overpopulate the planet it will fight back with plagues. Traditional Native Americans have the best understanding how to treat the planet. Only take what you need and give back more than you take. The planet just like your body is your temple if you trash your body or planet you trash yourself. I learned there is a frequency in the universe I nicknamed it the love frequency. It binds all things in existence and in the west we tend to shut ourselves off from it and swim against the current. If we listened to the heart beat of the universe and let it love flow through us all the suffering we have would cease to exist. There's so much more to the world around us that it would take a miracle for people to realize all religions, science, philosophy its sides of same coin. It's an attempt to understand the world around us and our origins and what lays. The truth is you really won't know what lays beyond unless you've been there and I've been there and even being there I realize that I still know even less than what I knew before. I keep thinking with my practices and those experiences I'll learn what the world really is yet the more and more I learn the less and less I know. I realize honestly anything is possible. There is an infinite number of options to understand reality. The options are endless.

We all want to claim we have an understanding of reality and the afterlife yet the truth is we are deceiving ourselves into think we have control in a world that has its own way of doing things. You cannot control something that's existed long before we were here. We can only learn from it and offer our own insights in exchange for the universe's insights. It will create situations for you in life place people in exactly where they need to be to help you develop a growth mentality. The world is really strange when you open up its hood and have a look into the mechanics of how it operates. It can be a bit overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.

There is a safe bet everything you think you know is right and wrong at the same time. The only thing you really can do is approach every situation with an open mind ask questions and be genuine with the people you are around. When I date nowadays I love the girl's soul for who she is fully because why wouldn't I? This is one lifetime of many. We'll be back, maybe. We won't ever know because it is not for us to know. Our job in this realm is to learn the life lessons we're meant to learn and continue to grow. That's life in a nutshell.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 01/20/2019

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Accident Other I have no idea. I still managed to ski down after I came back. I'm pretty certain I was dead. It was just skiing. I was on the mountain skiing. Just side country skiing. Plenty of risk right there already.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness N/A

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? It was the same level of consciousness and alertness that I have in this reality. Honestly it was no different just a different environment.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was same level of vision that I have during of everyday vision but the external environment of where I was, I wasn't imagining it. That 100% was somewhere else. I can't come up with something like that. That's beyond me.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It's the same.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The light around me was very unfocused and sparkly. It was definitely some kind of place and it was very shiny. Lot of gold.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I really can't describe it it wasn't like anything I've ever read or seen in movies in any religion. It was completely alien in every sense of it. It was different that I still wonder to this day where in the hell was I.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Pure love and happiness and peace that changed to anxiety and then pure Hell when I got sent back to Earth. Honestly I think that we live in Hell. Honestly I think Earth is Hell. I don't think you go to Hell I think we're there already. But in every dark place you can find bliss it's just a matter of perception.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe I still have the ability to understand everything about the universe about myself and others if I tune into that frequency but I have no idea how to sustain it so I can continue existing in our world. Cause everything we're doing is entirely pointless. Once you know everything you lose drive to live. So, I only tune in at the bare minimum to occasional help heal other people's souls but I won't go the full extent because I lose the drive to live this life. At that point the best I could do for myself if I wanted to fully tune in is become a Buddhist monk.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I was given a choice. She said to me 'Do you want to stay or do you want to go.' I wasn't entirely sent back against my will. I made the decision to return to life that was my initial decision. That was the decision my soul made. Now somehow I was able to bring my mind with me to the afterlife and the suffering of existence wanted me to pass on. I was sent back to the living because I haven't made peace with life. That's something I realized is I can keep having as many accidental near deaths as I please and my ass will just keep being sent back till I find my peace and no longer have this attachment to this realm.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I was a melting pot of religion, practices, and philosophical beliefs formulating my own religion. Strong influences stemming from Vajrayana Buddhism, Theravada Buddhism, Mahayana Buddhism, Chinese Buddhism, Chinese folk religion, left hand path occult, Natural magick, New Orleans vodou, Theistic Satanism, Canaanite and Phoenician, Taoism, Confucianism, Hellenism, Shamanism, stoicism, Kemetism, and a mix of Native American religion and practices. Main focus of worship was Ba'al, Lucifer, Santa Muerte, and Anpu. The Near Eastern cultures interpretation of Ba'al. The ruler of Gods fertility God association. Lucifer seen as a symbol of enlightenment, individualism, rebellion against oppressive systems, and the pursuit of personal freedom and knowledge, a positive and empowering archetype. Ba'al as in the Canaanite and Phoenician outlook. I saw Ba'al as a powerful and multifaceted god associated with fertility, storms, rain, and agricultural abundance. I believed the same as the Cannaaites it brings rain and ensure the fertility of the land, which was essential for the prosperity of my beliefs. I pictured Ba'al as a warrior god, symbolizing strength and protection. I would Ba'al for protection and assistance when facing everyday challenges.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Stopped practicing as much as I did because I don't want to think about it. My family roasted me alive for me revealing I have a different belief system and I also have real experience to prove that their beliefs are wrong and so I just stopped doing it as much even though it brought positive benefits into my life it made me suffer less. I was very happy. Now I'm very depressed.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths Confused. I had a moment where I thought I experienced an enlightenment with something like a love frequency and I thought I could feel a woman looking at me when I was walking down a beach with my feet in the water on New Smyrna beach in Florida two years ago. I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Have so many questions. Anything is possible. I even started questioning whether we do in fact live in a simulation and our understanding of religion is highly advanced quantum computing and the technology is a form of computing and the technology is doing its best to interface with us in the only way it can. I'm not sure what to believe anymore to be honest. I think every form of spiritual practice, scientific, theoretical, occult, everything you can imagine does in fact exist. I think every form of understanding reality is real. Every possible dimension how Carl Sagan theorized. Parallel universes. Everything we can think of is reality and to say one thing or the other doesn't exist is ignorance within itself. I genuinely think Everything is real. Just the question is do we have the technology to record it? No, we do not cause its highly likely what is beyond our material world is beyond our own comprehension it could be alien technology, it could be technology we've created in past lives. It can just be the natural state of our existence. It literally can be anything. We will Never have the answer to it because even if we figure out immortality and live a thousand years it's still infinite possibilities. There is no right or wrong answer. There is an infinite number of ways to interpret reality and what comes after. What I do know its very likely this is not our first existence. As in I think the infinite concept is on point. I think there is a high chance dreams aren't metaphors they're memories from past lifetimes. I think the Buddhists are on point with reincarnation. I think we can communicate with the dead but when in time and space do they exist we simply don't know. Time is our creation. Everything that will happen. That can happen. That has happened. The future, the past, and present. Everything is happening all in one singular moment. We are all in sync. Everything is sync. We are all connected. When I was walking down that beach I had an understanding from that woman who I met on the other side and the other woman I felt in the ocean looking at me. I couldn't see her yet I could feel her in the water and I felt this dawn upon me that everything is exactly where its meant to be. Just because you have power doesn't mean you're meant to use it and change things. Things are as they're meant to be. They are in their own natural state of existence. Beyond fear is freedom. You look in the cave and there's darkness but if you go in it you'll find out it's just a cave so why not go in it and see what's there. Then at one point I realized you can tune into different frequencies within the universe to think you can't, is limiting the potential you have for understanding around you. There is Literally an infinite number of ways you can understand EVERYTHING. Life and death. Every world around us the answers are right in front of you. It's hard to explain. It's really an understanding. It just all makes sense. It just all clicks together. I have no idea how to put it into words. But Something I do understand is the point of power is to not use it. It's a responsibility and we all are like a machine one connects together. We are the earth and the earth is us. There are planetary laws. If you break them the universe will fight back to create equilibrium and harmony with all species on this planet and in the solar system. Modern religion fails so far back into the understanding of the world. Capitalism is so weak from focusing on the material world. There is so much more to reality than we possibly imagine. Yet since we are still very primitive and very much at the infancy of our species for me personally I have step out of that zone that frequency whatever it is I tapped into. Whatever I have become part of. Whatever it is that understanding I have to step out of it in order to successful in capitalism. I can't have that connection and achieve success in a capitalistic society because the western viewpoint of life is so very backwards. It is so anti progress to understanding why we exist and what is beyond our material existence. I've had what I could describe as a form of possession when I hooked up with a girl. Something changed in the room and it was as if we knew each other for a lifetime and that was after the accident. During the sex it was like my skin became a custom and the real me was just below a layer of flesh. I've had more than just that one near death experience that was the only one where I was passed over and was given the option to stay in that realm or go back to this one. In the other ones it's always just barely making it out of being claimed by death. After that specific one I had a near miss car accident and I felt her enter the car and navigate me out of that accident. I have friends who claim that in my apartment it feels as if there is something else here with me. That I'm not alone. Like a dog. I had a dog die when I was 18 she was murdered and they say it feels like the dog here with me. I've had people say I remind them of people they loved that passed away from suicide or drug addiction or illness such as cancer. My Grandmother I remind her of her brother Uncle Herman. He was a priest. I don't what faith but he worked as a traveling priest in the Amazonian Jungle. My most recent ex she felt the presence of her father through me. He died of alcoholism in her arms and somehow through me she was able to let go of the pain and had closure and began living her life. From what I noticed I tend to appear in people's lives when they are suffering or close to death. I have this uncanny ability to sense death in the air when it's time for somebody to go. I worked armed security in the ghetto and these people who struggle with life and death everyday my presence has given them a sense of peace. I honestly have no idea what to believe anymore. I saw a babushka floating through my apartment during covid. It was grey and I couldn't fully make out the details. When I covid during the first way I hallucinated a white fox running through my apartment when I was infected with that disease. I almost died. I was driven to the hospital and if it wasn't for my will power to stay calm I would've died from a heart attack. I was able to keep a Zen level of calm and focus and keep my heart rate down. The hospital discharged me with an anxiety attack and thought I was on drugs. I was not on drugs. I came back covid positive the next day from my university. My potassium levels were low and they did give me a supplement potassium and that helped. Before the accident in Poland, I stuck my finger in an open electrical outlet. I was electrocuted I remember the electricity flowing through my hand and up my arm and then down my leg. It felt alive like a water flowing through me. It took me to register the fact that this was happening because I was so focused on the strange feeling of it flowing through me. In high school I was attacked by a hooded figure. It had a black hood and that was when I was practicing heavily left hand path occult and building a temple in father's house for the worship of ba'al, anpu, Lucifer, and Santa Muerte. It had a black hood white chainmail, and a bone white sheath on its left hip. I came back from a 24 hour lifetime fitness at 2am. I biked back to my house and I lived in a safe neighborhood Cress Creek Naperville on the McDowell forest preserve which from the old people living in the neighborhood they told me the grounds of the forest preserve has Native American burial grounds. The property my dad bought his house on the old man told us to NOT knock down a specific fence. He warned us gravely to not touch that fence. To leave that fence and that tree alone. I'm not sure why he did but my dad didn't give a damn he knocked it down and put a mansion on the property. When I was practicing my religion I was attacked by that hooded thing. I came into the house and didn't think much of it. I walked into the hallway and I immediately felt something watching me intuitively. I looked up and there was a black billowing cloud and in that cloud was that thing. I couldn't see its face yet I could feel it gazing at me and it wasn't friendly. It was angry and aggressive. I froze and it pulled a silver curved dagger out of its sheath. The sheath was made of bone. It had Arabic inscriptions on the sheath. the blade had similar Arabic inscriptions all over the blade. It lunged at me. I booked it into the bathroom right next to me and it had a dead bolt. It was a heavy wooden door. I bolted myself shut. I was hyper ventilating. I did not leave that bathroom the whole night. I could feel it on the other side of the door. I don't know what kind of wood it was but it saved my life. Weird stuff like this just kept happening for years and years on end. I'd walk down the street a homeless person would be talking gibberish the moment I passed them they'd get this look in their eyes and speak clear English saying things to me about me that NO ONE knows. They couldn't possibly know those things. I would have dreams about events happening long before they happen. I'd meet people in my sleep months before I met them in real life. I had precognition of people, places, and events long before they happened. I knew covid was going to happen. I knew the death toll. I knew exactly about the riots everything that happened I knew what was going to happen a year before it all happened. I even joked to my friend Aleks when covid began that when I catch covid it will mutate. When I covid it mutated. When covid happened around 2022 that's when I was in new Smyrna. When I met that woman in the ocean all the weird things that's been happening stopped happening. I stopped having visions. I don't know when something might happen. Everything just vanished. All of it just poof. I don't have a clue what to believe in anymore. I take life as it is. I learn from every life experience as I can and I just go as it is. I don't hold any specific belief or faith I just let the universe present situations to me and see what I can learn from each situation. I keep an open mind.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience It wasn't like my beliefs at all. It wasn't anything I've ever been exposed to and even the things occurring now aren't like anything I've ever thought of. I've actually been wondering a bit recently if my body is re animated and the original soul that inhabited this body passed on. Lot of strange things and I try not to think about it as much as I can. The reason I say that is because I do feel like I don't belong in this dimension and I am having a hard time acting human. I'm learning how to be human and that's why I say have a feeling I didn't just return to earth I came back with something else. It's a lot of relearning is what it feels like.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I'm not certain anymore. I have lots of questions but no one who is capable of answering them.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It was a woman. I remember her length of her hair, the color jet black, don't remember her ethnicity, I remember how she smells, his voice very womanly very powerful very strong. Very melodic. Lots of power behind it.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes All that information came to me when I was sent back to the living. I didn't get that knowledge till I was back in this realm. You would think I would've gained it there, nah.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes It's not a supreme being it's something but I don't know what it is. I met that woman I'm find her and I'm kick her ass for sending me back.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I know I have a special purpose. I don't know what it is. I know I'm on borrowed time. I know I get sent back for a reason. I know I have special knowledge I don't know what it is though. It's like a double bind. If you're a God why would share that knowledge with the humans they already proved themselves incapable of handling weapons of mass destruction responsibly. We kill each other still regardless of the technology we've created. We have the means to live in a utopia yet we still are obsessed with seeking attention at the expense of the community. Why would a God ever share its knowledge when the people seeking it can't even take care of their neighbors and themselves. You know?

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes Gained it all back in the living. There's no singular answer. That's the weird part its everything and anything and nothing at all. I really think the best way to look at it the Buddhist mythology of karmic reincarnation. You have to just believe in your intuition and let the universe teach you the life lessons you're meant to learn because those lessons are only unique to you. No one else is learning the lessons that your soul has to learn.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes There is 100% something beyond. But what exactly it is who knows. I wasn't given that knowledge I just got to hang out at the bus stop of death.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes Existence is getting weirder and weirder yet I'm looking forward to visiting that place when I die of old age. Maybe I'll get to marry that woman. There's no definite answer. It's what you make of it.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes The suffering, challenges, and hardships are lessons for you to learn from and till you make peace with it you'll be stuck on earth over and over and over and over again in this never ending loop till you make peace with it that this is just the natural order of this stage of existence. Of this dimension. I think Carl Sagan was on cue.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is definitely the primary source of energy in the universe. Yet we have absolutely no idea what love is. Western ideology has it completely backwards. I think the last religious system that really understood it was pagans and Native Americans but even then, it's still twisted. It really is a source of energy. I have the ability to use that energy to destroy and heal people with it. I don't really fully understand it. But it def does have a function in the universe and we call it love but it's a lot like electricity. If we understood what love is like we understand electricity it wouldn't be such a big deal. When I was in that place. I do understand that the reason I was there was because spared my sister's life out of love and the reason I got sent back because my initial decision to stay was out of love for my sister. But my second reason to want to pass on was a selfish one. I wanted to end my own suffering but I would've made the community suffer. It's the people who matter and yourself. Love is one of those things I don't think we'll ever understand but it does exist and we're saturated in it. You can tap into it if you just open your eyes.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I feel like I brought something back with me from that other realm. I'm struggling passing off as human if that makes sense. Lot of people say my eyes don't look human. Like I'm not from here. I really don't feel like I'm from this realm and it is a bit confusing at times but I'm working on it and little by little I'm able to blend in better. I'm getting better at hiding what I know and exposing people to information about themselves that could be distressing for them. I can see more than most people can. To some extent I can bend this reality to my will. But for the most part I'm just very confused on the functionality of this world. It honestly feels like I'm from a parallel dimension and got bounced to this one. There's a lot of things in this one that's very different from the one I was in before the experience. It could just be a concussion but I'm not sure.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yeah everyone thinks I'm a crazy person now. I'm not crazy but how am I going to change their perception of me when they've pigeon holed me.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes You have to die to really understand it. Find a way to kill yourself and promise of revival and you'll understand what I experienced.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I remember everything as if it happened yesterday. My entire lifetime I remember every single thing that has ever occurred. I have memories of previous lifetimes. They're confusing so I take the lessons that I can utilize and then try to forget them cause lot of it doesn't make any sense. With below God definitely exist but it's not God as we understand it. It's something alright but we don't know what it is and we will never know.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I always had them they just got weirder after the experience. Like I understand there's just certain things we wont ever know and that's okay.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I want to meet that woman.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes They called me insane and I lost my entire family. I'm estranged from my whole extended family. I lost all friends. At this point in time. I shared it right after the accident. They dismissed all my religious beliefs and the things I learned when I was on the other side. They tried to make me look like a schizophrenic. They completely dismissed everything I said to them and I lost everybody including my sister. All it did is made me depressed um I keep to myself. I withdrew from socializing I grow plants and I keep a distance from humans cause it's not worth the reactions. Why share what I know with people when they're so quick to try to dominate and silence me. It's just not worth it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It was really alright. I don't know what to make of it its beyond my human cognition to grasp it to an extent that would explain it. It's beyond my ability to comprehend it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I use it as a guide of what to do with life. Just to look at life with an open mind. If I was given the choice to live or die and my soul is what made the choice yet my brain wanted different then how I see it is have faith in the universe and myself and others and things will work out just fine.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes The woman I can still feel her but its changed. She is on our planet in human form. I don't know where but she is here.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? No