As a background, I must mention that I have struggled
for most of my life with Major Depressive Disorder, severe
anxiety and several other issues. Life has been difficult for
me in many ways. From the time I was a small girl, however, the
thought of finding my male counterpart in life brought me great
joy and hope. I never really doubted it would happen, although
I didn't date until I was 17.
I remember, in third grade, walking down the hall and
daydreaming about my future partner. I remember thinking, "I
would like to meet a boy named Tom." In my mind I could see
him. He was tall and thin, with brown hair, kind eyes, and
glasses. I don't know why his name was Tom, but that's what I
remember thinking. (My husband's name is not Tom, but I will
call him that for our purposes.)
When I was older I did finally find a boyfriend. He was
dark-haired and from a foreign country. We were very much in
love. After four years of fantastic experiences together, a
series of events happened that broke us apart, although he did
ask me to marry him. As difficult as it was, I couldn't
accept. I knew he was not the right one for me.
Shortly before our breakup, I was looking through
pictures belonging to my best friend. There was a picture of a
guy I hadn't met. He had brown hair, glasses, and a very kind
face. He was very cute, in my opinion, and I commented to my
friend about it. "That's the guy I want to set you up with if
you ever break up with your boyfriend!," she said.
So after I broke up with the dark-haired guy, a
different friend said, "I have been waiting for you to break up
with him! Now I can set you up with Tom!" The other friend was
there, and she said "I was thinking the same thing!"
These two friends had known Tom from the dorm, and they
were able to arrange a party at Tom's house along with several
other mutual friends. When Tom opened the door, I felt like he
had stepped out of my dream. From the navy polo shirt he was
wearing, to the glasses, I just recognized him as the one I had
been waiting for. He looked at me as if he had been expecting
me for years. He put his hand on my knee (which he says now was
quite out-of-character for him). We were inseparable from that
He asked me out on our first date a few days later, on
the day of the World Trade Center attacks, which I am not sure
is relevant, but seems odd to me. We were married the next
Now, I never considered Tom as my soul mate until
somewhat recently. I have had many issues throughout our
marriage. Depression, alcoholism, and much worse. He has stood
by me through it all. One day, as I was feeling particularly
insecure, I implored him to tell me one reason why he loved me.
He said, "I don't need a reason. I love you because you are
you. Unconditionally." He has said we are soul mates. This is
a strange thing for him to say as he is a very practical and
Sometimes I feel that maybe he is some sort of angel, sent to
help me through life. He has allowed me to grow and lends a
comforting perspective. He never judges me. But I think I help
him learn things too. I am sure that I help him practice
patience. I have given him more than enough reason to leave,
and many men would have. But still, 15 years later, we continue
to move forward and our relationship just gets stronger.
Looking back, the events that caused us to come together
seem so designed. For about a year before we met, he had
started going to my college, and I had become unhappy in my
current relationship. We had both started working out and
taking care of our appearances, thinking we might meet someone
special. We coincidentally had the same friends but somehow we
didn't meet each other until that party. We both knew, from the
first moment, that we were meant to be together.
I may be deluded, but I think I chose a hard challenge
in this life and God gave me this man to help me through it.
And somehow I knew he would come, which gave me strength to keep
going. Now I am working on my true calling, which is helping
others with mental illness. If it weren't for him, I would be
struggling, and possibly unable to complete my life purpose.
As I was writing this, our wedding song came on the
playlist unexpectedly. Just another sign!
Thank you for letting me share.