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Brian & Miranda's SMR

Experience description: 

Most nights I fall asleep very rapidly, considering that I dealt with my grief by staying busy. But this night was different I had a hard staying asleep. I would doze off and wake right back up, over and over again. I was getting rather irritated about it and was contemplating on taking something to make me got to sleep (Nyquil, Tylenol PM, etc). When I relaxed and decided to give one more shot (I hate taking medicine).

The next time I dozed off I felt like I woke right back up again, but when I opened my eyes I was no longer in my bed. I was standing in a huge open field, full green grass, wild flowers of assorted colors and the tree line was about half a mile in all directions. Miranda was standing about 6 feet away from me, wasn't saying anything at first. We just stood there and looked at each other.

I noticed the clothes she was wearing, I assumed if I ever saw her again( dreams or whatever), I would see either the clothes she was wearing in the accident or what we buried her in. But I was wrong, she was wearing a gown of light, no seamstress marks, no thread of any kind. Just a white, brightly glowing gown, looked kinda like a cloud. It had straps that covered about 2 1/2 inches of her shoulders. Everything else was visible. It had a light blue haze around it, like an aura.

I moved my eyes up and noticed her face, when she was a teenager she had a problem with acne and chicken pox. They in time had left some scars and blemishes. With make up could be covered up to wear if you didn't know they were there you wouldn't see them.  But she had no make up on and her complexion was perfect. No scars or anything, reminded me of a newborn's skin, completely flawless. I always stated that my wedding pictures was the best I had ever seen her. What I was looking at didn't hold a candle to what I see in those pictures. She was exceeding my expectations of what an angel should look like.

But reality finally caught up with me and I spoke. I told her but your... She threw up her hand to stop me. She said, "don't say it because it isn't true." Your about say "But you're dead". And it isn't true. Yeah, the body I traveled through life is gone but that isn't me. I'm just as alive as you are, I'm just somewhere else.

But I'm not here to talk to you about this. I'm here to talk to you about, you. I replied, well what about me? She said, well you have a lot of pain in heart and in your mind that you have got to let go of. I asked her what pain she referring to? Well you're wondering about pain and suffering I went through. I said well yes, I can't help it. It was about 2 hours from the time of the accident until the time you passed. And when you did I was standing right there in front of you. I saw the life leave your body. She said don't worry anymore, I felt nothing.  Upon the first impact ( her car collided with 2 trees), the lord took me from my body so I didn't feel any pain whatsoever. My body was still alive but I was no longer there. I knew there was a reason for him taking me like this so I didn't fight it. I just kinda went along with the flow.  When they finally let you in to see me, when the med-evac arrived, I was at your side the whole time. When you leaned over and told me that everything was going to be fine.   I heard you say, I love you and watched you kiss my forehead. I knew it was time to let my body go. But always remember that I was beside, you not laying on that table. In protest, I said when I spoke, you seemed like you were looking for me. She said, that was my body recognizing your voice and responding. But you noticed that I never fixated on you. Because I wasn't in there to focus.

I asked her if that was all she had to tell me? She said, no there was so much more I needed to know. I asked well what else?

She mentioned the autopsy.  You are holding a lot of guilt for releasing my body for it. I said,  well of course I do, you had been through a car accident suffered for 2 hours, finally let go and now they want to cut on you like a piece of meat. Have you not been through enough. Why can't they just let it go?

She said, quit thinking of it like that. I don't know what they did, don't want to know what they did, and didn't care to know. Because I wasn't there.  When this was going on, I was with you and the kids in Huntsville( my daughter had a compressed skull fracture, bone was lodged in her brain. She recovered with miraculous speed).

She said, you knew I was there because you looked for me. And it dawned on me there were a few instances when the doctors would come into her ICU room if I had my back to them, they would walk up behind me tap my shoulder and take me out of the room to talk. They had to keep my daughter sedated to where she didn't know her surroundings, but not too far, because her lungs may not take the oxygen anymore. So I was forbidden to talk in her room. Thinking she may hear and recognize my voice and try to wake up. But there were many times I know I felt someone come into the room and would wait on the tap. But it never happened and when I turned around to see what they were doing, there was no one there. I just chalked it up to my imagination running wild under all the stress, and didn't give it another thought. But she explained that, that was her. Coming to check on the baby herself.

I asked her if she had any regrets, or was she sad about having to leave like this? She said that I will see in due time. That when the lord takes you from your earthly body, all the negative emotions, anger, sadness, hurt confusion etc. will stay in your body. All your going to bring with you is the positive emotions Love, peace, contentment, trust etc. What everyone strives their whole life to feel. So therefore, it's impossible for me feel like that. Where I'm at now, tears don't exist. There is no need for them.

I said, well, I have another question, and this part gets just a little fuzzy. I want to say she answered before I asked the question. But I can't be sure. Anyhow my question was, will I ever see you again? And she said make no mistake, you will see me again. There will come a time in your life, I can't tell you when ( saying this with the expression of I know, but I can't tell you). But you will open your eyes and I will be there waiting for you. Saying "let's go, it's your time".

I said well, now that we have gotten all of this out and I know now what to expect. What do we do? She said, I just want you to hold me.  We don't have much time left, just hold me. I knew that I was asleep this whole time and this was more than just dream. But I needed some kind of proof. And this was my moment of truth. I know that when you dream, you might pick something up, but you don't feel it, only see yourself holding it. When I touched her if I couldn't tell any detail it was my mind playing a very sick game with me. But if I could feel her, than she was real. It was like she knew this and was giving me some kind of confirmation.

So I started towards her, she started towards me and when I finally touched her it was the most marvelous thing I have ever experienced. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her close, she wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my chest. I could feel the weight of her body leaning against mine, the light pressure of her arms around my neck even her hair in my face tickling my nose while I was breathing. Life has never been this real.  And all I could think was YES YES YES!!!!! This was real and I will see her again. I have never felt happiness to this degree.  NEVER!

And that is how I woke up the next morning. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. I could finally smile again, and I know that everything I do she is right there beside me.

Was this experience difficult to express in words?  No

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them?            No

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased?          Yes

            Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated:   I heard her voice, just as clear as I did before her passing

            Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated?  I want to say I heard it, but now that I think about I cant be sure. It may have been from inside like a telepathic sense.

            If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive?           similar

            Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           Impossible

            Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience?   I have just had my checked, I work in a high noise environment. I have perfect hearing.

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased?            Yes

All over, she clung to me with a passion that I have never seen before. I could only wish to feel that again.

            Was the touch familiar or unfamiliar?   very familiar

            Was anything communicated by the touch?  Love, Peace and contentment

            Is there any possibility what you felt was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?  None

Did you see the deceased?         Yes


            How clearly did the deceased appear?            Solid

            How much of the deceased did you see?       all

            Did the deceased appear or not appear to be the age at which they died?       Same age

            How healthy did the deceased appear to be?            perfect health

            Is there any possibility what you saw was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience?           impossible

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased?      No

How long did the experience last?        It didn't seem that long in the place we were at, but it was actually all night. When I awoke it was daylight morning. I guess about 8:00 CST

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden?         Beginning was gradual, I feel that she was trying to contact me, but it kept waking me up. The end was sudden.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased?           Yes

very calm, relaxed, reassuring love.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know?  Yes, when she described the fact of leaving the body. The emotions you take with you, and what leave behind. I would have never thought of that. When she explained that she was in the room at our daughters bedside. When she was standing at my side when she let her body go.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience?           Experience was definitely real

            Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real:          Because everything I would in expect in this world was there. Everything! It kinda made me question the thought of what we think reality is, could actually be a form of birth for the soul. Kinda like a caterpillar doesn't know he going to become a butterfly, he just lives. And then something happens and he has this sudden urge to incase himself in cocoon. But when he immerges he has become a beautiful butterfly. I have heard that we only use 8% of our brain power. So who knows what were supposed to know. I know that sounds ridiculous. But its the way I see it.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

The only reason I call it a dream is for lack of a better word. It was while my body was sleeping, but for every other aspect. I was there.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience:           Curious, I wanted to know what was beyond this life. And she never actually give any detail about it, except that I would see her again and I will be in a place full of happiness and joy.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience?           Yes

I beat myself up over everything that had happened. I was the one who taught her how to drive. I felt so responsible for all of this. And she was explaining that it wasn't my fault, and I had to quit accusing myself of all of this.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best: The reassurance that we will be together again.

Worst: Having to leave that paradise I know as Heaven.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

            Describe:      My grief is no where what it was the night before all of this. She has explained that everything is ok.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   No

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.?            Yes

Yes that when we die, we seem to associate it as the end. But in reality it is actually the beginning.

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s).  Have you ever made such a compact?        No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Complete contentment in knowing that she is alright and I will be joining her when it's my time to go.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

It seemed to be only about an hour, but in actuality, it was all night

Did you see a light?           Yes

The filed was illuminated by a light similar to the sun. But I noticed there was no shadows. So that meant the light had to come from every direction. I noticed this detail but never thought it would mean anything significant

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

Mixed reactions, Many wish they could have this contact with passed loved one. And others are just amazed, one man said I believe every word of this is true. Because I read love novels about as much as my wife does, and have never heard of anything so touching. And there are skeptics, I knew there would be, but it's like I told them I don't expect everyone to believe me. But it's not what you believe, it's what I believe, that's what has gotten me through all of this.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site?   No

 Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience?       I have also experienced a few things kinda strange since then. For instance I went to bed the other night. Nothing out the ordinary at all. But when I woke up I noticed that my cover had been reversed. Where it's normally the sheet then the comforter. The comforter was under their sheet. They were spread out to where they intentionally been put like that. No wrinkles even on both sides of the bed, it was like she was saying just stopped by to say hello and I love you.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I think you have just about covered it. Please Email me and let me know what you think about this. All parts of this survey is welcomed to be used in any way you feel necessary. I feel it was a gift, that she was able to contact me, I want to be able to give something in return. thanks for listening to my experience.