SoulMates Introduction

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by Jody, NDERF

        We never thought we would be talking about soulmates.  We heard of them, but never expected to be in a soulmate relation.  Now we recognize we are soulmates, and are eager to see how our experiences compared with others.  There is surprisingly little on the Internet.  We then started asking people what they thought a soulmate was; the answers were quite varied.  Answers from others suggest the common understanding of a soulmate is the other half of a perceived ideal relationship.  Naturally, this is a highly subjective impression that doesn�t provide much direction.  We will present a remarkable new understanding of SoulMates� and show how ALL of us are involved.

            A lame definition of soulmate can be found in Webster�s dictionary as �a person temperamentally suited to another.�  This definition fails to capture the passion one would expect with a fantasy other, or the expected special significance of a soulmate relation.  A better definition results from combining the concept of the component words �soul� and �mate� to come up with �a spiritual companion.�  A more detailed discussion of how we came up with a soulmate definition will be presented later. 

         The following is a discussion of soulmate understandings from historical concepts (karmic, dharmic and twin flame).  We will later present how NDE truths reveal a new understanding of soulmates.

            The popular notion of KARMIC SOULMATES are those that are with you so that both of you can work out issues together.  Typically, these are deep relationships that have key lessons for both parties to learn.  Many times the hallmark of these relationships is a lot of chaos and strife.  Karmic lessons are said to be over when the lessons are learned, and there is no more animosity or anger projected at the other person.  The key is forgiveness.  Karma is released when you love the other person unconditionally in spite of their shortcomings. 

        DHARMIC SOULMATES are considered to fit into the role of helpmates.  These are the people you go into business with or who help you along your life path.  These people are recognized because you have an almost instantaneous draw to them, like you have known them forever.  You find yourself able to �click� with these people, yet you may not know anything about them. 

        Then there are the soulmates you hear so much about - the TWIN FLAME SOULMATES.  The twin flame notion is a popular story line in our culture of �ideal� love.  Plato, who believed one soul splits into a male and female half in order to incarnate on earth, first presented the twin flame soulmate theory.  Plato theorized that earth was full of such duality, such as black and white, good and bad, male and female.  He thought that each soul born on earth had to split into two halves prior to birth to be part of the earth experience. 

        A major source of our new understanding of soulmates comes from our study of NDE, which is revolutionizing the traditional concepts of soulmates.  For several years we have invited NDErs to share their experience and understandings from their experience on our Near Death Experience Research Foundation web site (  No longer are we looking at soulmates in the romantic context of karma, dharma, and twin flames in the same way.  Now, we look at concepts of love and lessons in the context of groups of souls that travel through time with one another.  As part of this introduction, we have included a representative sample of what the majority of NDErs are telling us. 

        Near death experiencer�s (NDErs) are those who had a special experience at the time of a life-threatening event.  NDE is relatively common.  A 1993 Gallup Poll estimated 12 to 15 million Americans personally experienced a NDE.  Of people facing a life-threatening event, approximately 10% to 33% will experience a NDE.  NDErs have remarkably similar experiences, regardless of their belief systems prior to the experience. 

        Virtually all NDE experiencers we encountered felt their experience was real, significant and meaningful.  When asked directly if the experience was dreamlike in any way, practically all NDE experiencers we polled answered, �no.�  NDE has been extensively documented in medical literature.  The ability of NDErs to see and hear events around them, even at a time of cessation of heart and lung function, has been studied and proven.  There are multiple accounts of blind NDErs having visual experiences.  Virtually all NDErs eventually have some degree of spiritual growth from the experience, with perhaps the most common being a lack of fear of death.  Skeptics of NDE have not been able to find a plausible biological or physiologic explanation for NDE.  This failure on the part of skeptics explains the large number of varied and generally unaccepted alternative explanations for NDE. 

        The information and understandings NDErs return with from their experience is clearly beyond the earth realm and involves universal spiritual truths.  For several years we invited NDErs to share their experience and wisdom they learned on the web site.  Their collective wisdom consistently reveals the same universal truths.  From the NDErs insights, we can learn a great deal about soulmates and their purpose on earth. 

        The majority of NDErs insights focus on relationships, love, and spiritual growth.  In fact, the concepts of love and spiritual growth are used interchangeably in relating their experiences.  Many NDErs have life reviews providing powerful understandings of relationships.  Many times NDErs, in their experience, are given a choice to leave or to return to earth.  More NDErs chose to return to earth due to their connection with family members (especially children) rather than spouses or romantic liaisons.  Additionally, there are more reports of seeing dead relatives than spouses that have passed on.  There are also numerous reports of seeing people they have never met, but are instantly recognized as intimately familiar. 

        These relationship truths suggest the concept of �cluster groups� as a group of beings we are especially close to both during and apart from our time on earth.  Our cluster groups are described as those with whom we choose to travel through time while learning important spiritual lessons.  From the NDE truths, it appears there are strong cluster group bonds that transcend earthly relations.  Further, cluster groups are more easily recognized and understood in our pre-birth or after-death existence.  Consequently, cluster group bonds may be the soulmate bonds we recognize on earth.  Thus the term �soulmate� has a surprising twist that goes beyond romantic partners.  Soulmates may very well be those we know on earth as family or romantic partners, and are important to our quest to learn the spiritual lessons we need to know. 

             One pattern we see is that recognition of your core-cluster mate may not be instantaneous.  If a person has relationship issues, such as lack of commitment or lack of trust from a bad prior relationship, they may be blinded from recognizing a core cluster mate.  Consequently, there appears to be an element of timing and pre-planning to meet each other.  There appears to be an element of being emotionally open enough to allow a soulmate relationship like this to occur.  It is likely both people must have reached a certain level of spiritual growth to understand and accept the special spiritual nature of the soulmate relation.  One person may recognize the soulmate nature of the relation before the other. It is the recognition of the soulmate nature of the relation on both sides that produces the intense bonding that occurs.

             What we have found is that when two people act in loving harmony, synchronicity happens.  Synchronicity is when the combination of two energies is greater than the sum of their parts, for example:  1 + 1 = 4, as occurs when two core cluster mates come together.   The romantic union of core cluster mates may be the ultimate expression of loving co-creation on earth.

        The lessons we learn through our relationships address our spiritual growth.  Many times spiritual growth and love are synonymous with one another.  NDErs report feelings of tremendous love and interconnectedness of all life.  The word most commonly used by NDErs to describe the other side is �love�.  To this end, the definition of soulmates is �a loving relationship manifesting spiritual growth.� 

        Now we want to understand more about the nature of the relationships and how to overcome barriers.  Your comments and stories are welcome.  Please e-mail us and let us know what you think, as this is a work in progress.  We have a website at that has additional information on soulmates and a web form to submit your soulmate experiences. 

E-mail your comments to Jody at:


 NDE Accounts

 RELATIONSHIPS � change/lessons/reflections of the soul/clusters

 I am much closer to my family than before... I no longer view my role of husband/father as a responsibility to be executed, but rather as a trust. My children are to be nurtured and loved... not just "raised right."  G.D.

I've been married almost 20 years, and I've changed a lot during the past 18 years.  My husband keeps saying I'm not the person he married.  He can't understand my "ideas & belief" system.  I hate to say this, and I'm terrified at the thought, but I think we may end up getting a divorce within the next 5 years (I can just feel it).  Star.

I have also left my husband, I realized that I didn't have to put up with what he was dishing out!  Barbara

Actually, the voice told me that my purpose in life was to live life as much as I know WHO I AM.  Now remember, this is 1970....the thought of God being in all of us was not a concept I cared about or even had been taught.  But I will NEVER forget this one sentence.  The voice said: "Sheri, to know God, know yourself".  Sheri

The experience was to prevent me from dieing prematurely. The message was that my daughter needed me to raise her because she was destined for greatness.  Kiki

After a few moments, I started to distinguish my father in law and my youngest brother. They had died the year before two weeks apart. They were approaching me, like if they were floating towards me instead of walking. I was somewhat surprise to see them. I wondered what they were doing there. They did not say anything. My father in law just extended his right hand towards me, and when my hand was almost touching his, I heard a voice that told me in an imperative tone: If you touch him you will certainly died, remember your son, he needs you. You need to go back to be there for him.  Sandra

 I think that facing that pain was the strongest argument I could come up with against deciding to go on with it all.  But I also felt that I wanted to stay with my girlfriend, to see how that was going to work out.  Although, amazingly, I believe that I had a real sense of the future, that is I knew that in time she and I would not be together.  But I wanted to complete this first love of my life, as if it was a movie I had only seen the introduction to.  UD.

I saw my grandmother who died when I was 3 or 4, I knew her!  I saw two beings one on the right of me and one on the left of me right before I decided to come back.  The best was being there with "them", I'm not sure who "them" is though.  The light was the best part though, I will never forget the light and love and total understanding.  Diane

Three or so spirits........They seemed familiar, but I do not know their names.  NN

 I am much more calm with my husband and children. I "see" how precious life is now. The basic things i need to do to help others and fulfill my life. I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life in service.  Carol

I knew all who were there.  They were personalities as we are. They were like my family-we are all one even though I'm back here now.  I knew my 'father-mentor-god-protector-guiding principle' was there but not as an individual like we all were.  He/it/ pervaded everything.  All of all and yet slightly apart as an overseer.  There was no profound message or discussion.  It was all love and joy and  happiness on a level that is hard to communicate in human terms.  Patti

I got to the tree, and sitting on large rock was my dad�s dead father. He died when I was 3 or 4 years old. Even though I was seventeen at the time and good size I was sitting on my grandfathers knees. It really felt good to be there with him. All pain and every thing else was gone except for us . He told me that I would have to go Back to my life as there was things that I must do. I said to him that I did not want to go back, and he said that he loved me and that I must go back.  Mike  

Then the door opened and out stepped my deceased second husband and my deceased oldest son, I was not afraid, I realized where I was , but was not scared.  I have never felt more at ease or serene.  Both my husband and my son told me that it was not my time.  I have never felt so loved, at peace, or safe.  Lynda 

The emotion's just jump out of me.  The feeling I had when I met my departed father was the most beautiful thing I have ever felt.  I got to know the love of my father something I had been denied since I was three.  My love for life has never been as strong as it is now.  I see people now totally different than before.  I have compassion I never knew I had.  DEAN

The spirits who were with me.  We have been with each other forever, sometimes together in the physical, sometimes not.  Paragon

They were the essences of people. Consciously, I did not know them, but recognized them as souls I had always been a part of. They knew me, though, totally and accepted me completely and loved me with a love I couldn't hardly stand, it was so strong.  My experience happened in 1967, but in 1995 after the death of my beloved pet dog, I had a flash once of the essences of people in the final part of my experience. They were standing in the same 'V' formation, but my little dog was standing on the floor, just to the left of the group. He was  smiling and I was strongly impressed with the thought thought that they would care for my little dog until I joined them.  Jean

It had changed my life. My relationships changed as I changed. People respond to love! As I learned to give it, I got it in return. I got rid of the negative relationships, found new ones who fit my new attitudes and lifestyle. Josi


SPIRITUAL GROWTH � Love, Interconnectedness of all life, Lessons, Immortality, Pre-existence

I know that there is a God... I believe that with all my heart now, I didn't before. I think it has something to do with me seeing things now as less linear and more circumspective in nature... my whole philosophy of life has changed since my NDE.  GD

Prior to the experience, I had convinced myself that God must be via logical philosophical arguments. After the experience, I know that God is with a conviction that transcends even my conviction that two plus two equals four. I was also pleasantly surprised to discover that God is A Loving and Compassionate One--an aspect that I had not previously made allowances for.  Jeffrey

After the NDE,  I had a sense of reincarnation.  Each soul is a certain age and that we have certain lessons to learn in this life.  When we fail at our lessons,  we come back to live another life and try to learn them.  Also,  that religion is a ladder of a soul's maturity.  Each religion is a sort of school grade.  It was not revealed to me which religion is kindergarten or the senior class.  I also came back with such a deep inner sadness over the lack of compassion in the world.  I still am affected by that.  Jennie

Confirmation to me of reincarnation and contract-incarnation (we pick our lives).  NN

I came away with the knowledge that life here in the flesh is like a large school. We are here to learn...every second we are alive. I was not told this verbally......It was given to me in a non verbal form, I knew it as I went down the tunnel towards my body.  I did learn that since I got put back here I am going to make use of my time. I am  to learn as much as I can and practice unconditional love and patience with others and myself.  I have a new since of wanting to live.  Jill

I had always considered myself an Agnostic, but I quickly found my belief in God, the Universe, Life and spirituality.  Chris

My belief system has completely changed as far as my religion was concerned.  Star

That love is the answer. That there is a Creator, and the description of God in the Bible does in no way relate to the Creator.  Brian

I stopped going to church. I believed that most of the things the church teaches are inaccurate, and in some instances even wrong. I do not believe in portraying a picture of God as an angry, punishing being. Sandra

Religious practices had ceased by age 14, and I felt no impulse to return to them, but I did gain an appreciation for the spirituality inherent in all life.  Paul

I am not religious anymore but I am very spiritual.  Barbara

I think that there is an element to life of having to do the best one can to be good, that this might have some connection to having been "chosen" and offered the door to an early-out into that realm of incredible bliss and oneness.  I think it matters how one conducts oneself in life.  I do not feel that being evil or making wrong choices necessarily might exclude one from the light and the tunnel, it is less of that negative than it is that there is a real plus, reward, for goodness.  Diane

I know that children inherit the sins of their parents. That hell is right here on earth. And we have to spread the word of our Lord God that he has not forsaken us.  He is there for us.  Well Jesus is..God is a little sterner than Jesus.  Kiki

I've come to think of the wings as the wings of Horus and have very warm affectionate feelings about them.  No, I feel a great deal of love for about those wings.  It was the whole universe that was communicating with  me.  The whole universe is One.  There was the knowing.  Everything, every quark, charm, neutrino, atom, spirit and entity everywhere and every time is One.  All is part of everything.  Nothing and no one is separate.  Patti

When one dies, they do not ALL go to the same place.  There are levels of intellect and soul age and you are put with one's who have your same interest and soul ages.  Lilith

I gave up the drug and alcohol life style I had been in for the last 30 years.  I gave up those people who I associated with because I no longer wanted or needed that life, God had given me a second chance at life.  I feel that in his own way, God answered a few of my fears that night.  Now, I am not afraid to die, but most importantly, I am not afraid to live, finally.  God is back in my life now and I am grateful.  Lynda

I turned around and was immersed in light. I was surrounded by unconditional love, and total acceptance. I knew I was complete at last. Never had I felt such safety and serenity before. Suddenly, I had all knowledge. All that I had ever heard or known was swept away. I knew that Christ had not died on the cross and that there is no sin or evil. I knew that I had existed since the moment of creation and that I shall always exist and that all consciousness is in the act of becoming. I knew that I had lived many times in physical reality and I watched those expressions and observed each of them. I experienced what we mean when we say that we have free will and that we choose everything. There are no absolutes. I watched every thought I had ever chosen to its natural end, and each person it had touched.  Patsy

During my death I saw the 'big picture' with a mind that could understand it all. I'm much more understanding of misperceptions because I know how very limiting the human mind is. Spirituality is beyond our understanding. The unconditional, unearnable love of God is beyond our understanding. The concept of salvation is our attempt to define what is beyond definition. The entire concept, much as we debate it, doesn't begin to reflect God's reality. The greatest joy, peace, happiness, contentment, love that we experience in our lives is only a shadow of the afterlife.  Kirsten

I suddenly was 'plugged in' to God, and this is no exaggeration. I KNEW, on the deepest possible level, that I had never been really connected to God before this. I had been devout in my belief, spiritual, daily prayed and so on, but I had not been totally connected. In one blinding second, I was.  His love was so incredible, so overwhelming, that I was beyond feeling anything except profound gratitude, to be given the opportunity to experience this moment.  My religious life was changed, but not in the usual sense. I had long ago stopped being connected to any one denomination, and sought spiritual teachings on a more universal level.  Josi


LOVE, Synonymous with spiritual growth

The being of light showed me that all that was really important in life was the love we felt, the loving acts we preformed, the loving words we spoke, the loving thoughts we held. All that was made, said, done, or even thought without love was undone.  Lana

I experienced ... Love ... its essence ... its beauty ... its being ... its knowledge ... its power ... its generosity ... and its humor ....  The lessons, if they can be called such, were interrelated ... there were seven  ... yet they were one.  'I know you will die for me ... will you live for me?'  Those were the only words I heard during this timeless moment in an elsewhere  place ... and I said 'YES!' ... and instantly awoke in my body, lying on my own bed and looking out the window at a star ... or was it a light?  I trust more that we are loved, all love each other and that I make no choices alone.  Amari

There was a overwhelming feeling of Love.  Love times 10000.  NN  

It was SUCH pure love, it felt to me like an hours long orgasm, and I begged the LIGHT to let me in, and a voice came from the Light saying" It is not your time.�  There are no words in any language to describe unconditional love and understanding, the warmth, the Knowing, the way it makes you different from those who have not had it.  Lilith

I felt loved and a tremendous warm feeling while I was in the light of that field.  We are all human and we must love one another.  Mike

The overwhelming feeling of absolute love and joy.  The instant 'knowingness'.  The Complete awareness of where I was, of the 'spirit' body.  The indescribable beauty of the light, and the love I felt enveloped in while in the light.  Paragon

I knew my life would be based only on love from that time forward, that Life is all about learning to love one another unconditionally, and  forgiveness, understanding, and abandoning the rat race to pile up material wealth. I had never felt LOVE before this, in the sense of God's love, and it changed me forever and forever. My life has done a 180 degree turn around. I am so full of gratitude for being live!  We are made of (created of) energy, which equals light, which equals love. We are therefore made out of the energy of love, and until we learn this, we cannot be happy or fulfilled in this physical life.  Josi

  E-mail your comments to Jody at:



Copyright1999 by Dr. Jeff and Jody Long