Experience Description

I had been in labor for a long time, so a decision was made to use high forceps to deliver my baby. I have been told that high forceps are no longer used because of the risk of injury to the baby. It was decided that I would need extra pain medication before this procedure could be done, so something was injected into my IV line that I am told is no longer used because it has caused some deaths. I don't remember the name of it, but I remember feeling that I was 'leaving.' I actually said 'good-bye.' I heard someone say that my heart had stopped and I heard someone call for a crash cart.

I was on my way out of the room through a corner where the ceiling met two walls. I reached out and touched the ceiling. Then I stopped and looked over my shoulder. I could see a nurse pounding on my chest and others working to deliver my son. I could see the top of his head 'crowning' and I knew I had to go back because my baby needed me. There was no way I could leave him. I knew he was going to have a hard life and that he would not get through it without me. I was instantly back 'in' myself. While I was 'out,' I felt no pain at all. As soon as I was back 'in,' the pain was intense. Everyone was very tense and grim-faced, but also seemed relieved. My son was born looking very healthy and strong. But within 24 hours, he developed dark bruises on his head and shoulders from the forceps in what was later recorded as a 'traumatic delivery.'

A labor and delivery nurse stopped by my room the next day and said, 'You know we nearly lost you yesterday, don't you?' Someone overheard her say that, and she was disciplined by a supervisor.

My son is 41 years old now. He had many developmental problems as a child such as not walking, talking or meeting other 'milestones' within normal ranges. His life has been extremely difficult with diagnoses of autism, severe depression, substance abuse, bipolar disorder and other developmental and mental health disorders. I don't know whether the difficult delivery caused these problems or whether they added to conditions that would have developed anyway; there is a history of mental illness in male members of my family going back generations.

But I do know that I nearly died and maybe actually DID die for a brief time and was revived. I do know, as I knew then, that my son needed me and that I had to come back for him.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: February 7, 1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Childbirth Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) Something was injected into my IV that I understand is no longer used because there have been deaths associated with its use in combination with other drugs. I don't know what other drugs I was already receiving, but my experience occurred when these last drugs were put in the IV line.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw my son beginning to be born with the 'crowning' of his head. I saw a nurse pounding on my chest. I saw her roll me partly over and pound on my back. I saw others trying to deliver my son and others working on me. I knew my heart had stopped, and this was verified by a nurse the next day. She was amazed at the details I remembered and didn't understand how I could recall them as I had been 'gone.' She got in a lot of trouble for having this conversation with me. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. My level of consciousness and alertness felt very normal.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? As I approached the ceiling and reached out to touch it, then I looked over my shoulder and saw my son.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was clear. I could see clearly everything that was happening behind and below me.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was clear. I could hear clearly everything that was being said and done in the room.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt overwhelming love for my son and a desire to protect him and help him through what I somehow knew would be a very difficult life. I don't know how I knew this. I just knew his life was going to be hard and that he needed me.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I knew my son would have a difficult life and that he wouldn't make it without me. He needed me, and I desperately wanted to protect him and help him.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Uncertain I'm more open to the idea that there is a divine Being of some kind. I read a LOT of books about different religions, cultures and belief systems. I KNOW there is some kind of existence after this one.

What is your religion now? Do not know

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I don't believe I had ever heard of 'out of body' or 'near death' experiences at the time (1978). I was neither religious nor non-religious. What happened to me didn't seem shocking at the time it happened, but just 'interesting' and 'unusual' and somehow comforting. It was not until several days later that I began to really process what had happened and to feel a bit shocked at what it might mean. I didn't share it with anyone for a long time because I was afraid that they would think I was crazy. Even when the nurse was telling me the next day what had happened and I was telling her I had seen it all and she was shocked at that, I dismissed it (to her) by saying I must not have been as bad off as they had thought I was since I remembered everything. I didn't tell her about watching everything from the ceiling.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I became a more compassionate person overall, and I like to think a 'better' person. But I also became less tolerant of people who are NOT compassionate and understood that it is ok to walk away from people who are hurtful, bigoted, angry, etc. These changes may have occurred over my lifetime, but at the very least, they began with my experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I knew that my purpose was to care for my son.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife probably exists. I guess just the fact that the experience happened at all made me aware that there is some kind of existence after this lifetime. I was definitely on my way somewhere when I decided to return to my body. I was headed out of that hospital, but didn't get far enough to know where I was going.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Uncertain I wish that I could say I felt joyful that I could decide to return to my body, but I only felt sadness for my son. I was made very aware of how difficult his life would be and it made me very sad, but I knew I had to go back to help him through his life.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes As a new mother, I was aware that I would sacrifice anything - including my own life and Happiness - for my child.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life I believe we exist in some way after death. I am more aware of time and how little we actually have. I believe our lives have meaning and that each of us has a purpose. I believe we are all part of something bigger, but I don't know what it is. I am a more compassionate person now than I was before this experience; the second experience, when I was undergoing chemotherapy, was like a 'reminder.' I just want to be a good person.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My husband (the father of the child being born in this experience) and I divorced when our son was around three. We had a second son by that time. I knew as a result of my NDE as well as just a 'mother's knowing,' that my purpose in life was to protect my children and to help our older son in every way possible to deal with his disabilities. His father believed he could 'beat it out of him.' Several years later, I met a man who wanted to be a part of parenting my two beautiful sons. We have been joyfully married for 35 years. He has been the best father to my boys I could have asked for. He has often said that HIS purpose in life is to care for us.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It took me quite a while to process what had happened and to believe it myself. I didn't talk about it because I was afraid people would think I was crazy.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I am 67 now, and my memory isn't what it used to be. But this event is very vivid in my memory, right up there with another 'near death' experience. The second NDE occurred in 1996 when I was undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer. I can recall every detail of these two experiences, but other memories around those times are not as clear.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole experience was meaningful and significant.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was probably a year or more before I began to share it, and then only with my brother and a few trusted friends. Over many years, I've become more open about it and willing to talk about it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I don't think I'd ever heard of it.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I knew it was real and knew it had happened. But I wasn't sure what 'it' was or what it meant.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I can still remember every detail vividly, and I know it was real. I remember reaching out and touching the ceiling with my hands. I could feel the ceiling tiles.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain. Only in that my older son's life HAS been extremely difficult and that somehow. I was made to understand that it would be during my experience.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I've enjoyed writing about my experience. Thank you for the opportunity.