Victor M's NDE

I under went surgery for subluxation of CV4-6.  This required donor bone from my right hip. The surgery was done at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, Washington, D.C. 

Immediately after surgery, I was placed on a "Patient Controlled Analgesic" (PCA) connected to an IV in my left arm.  The pain, especially from my hip, was significant, though I seemed unable to call a nurse. Even though I could push the button as often as I wished, it only dispensed some opiate form every ten minutes.  At exactly 2300 hours I woke and pushed the button.  Nothing happened.  I did not know that this was a bad sign.  I continued pushing the button until 2350 hours.  (My bed faced a clock on the wall) I was told that an ortho ward nurse found me in my room later that morning (25 Dec) in respiratory arrest and very "blue" (her words).  At approx. 0630 to 0700 hours, I woke in the ICU very much in pain. (The pain meds had been discontinued.) 

Note: I have copies of my in-patient records at Walter Reed.  The record states "respiratory arrest" and that my family had been briefed that my recovery was "unlikely".  I became aware that I was in a very unusual place.  No sense of body, no sense of pain. There was no sense of a "tunnel" though I felt properly oriented.  I certainly felt that I could "go/move" forward toward something.  I would not call it a "light" but I certainly understand why others would so describe it. 

At the very first, I thought this was just the most wonderful experience.  There were no normal senses or even a sense of body.  For me the immediate lack of post surgical pain was absolutely wonderful.  My first words(?) or thoughts were that this is a very strange and wonderful place.  I wondered where I was.  There was never any fear.  My next thought was, "Is there time here?"  Then I thought, "Well, I remember just asking that question, so there is at least a "progression of thought" if not actual time. 

I remember feeling that I should proceed...that I should (somehow) move forward.  It is not clear to me if my thoughts were just my own.  I had a strong feeling that I was either communicating in some way or acquiring some kinds of answers somehow and from some unclear source(s).  In any event, I was in bliss.  Slowly I came to understand that this was a mistake.  This thought quickly became "This is wrong"...."I'm in the wrong place"..."Someone has made a mistake."  As this thought became much stronger, I began to experience strong anxiety.  "This is wrong, I must tell someone"..."They (?) must know that this is wrong."  As my anxiety became unbearable, the feeling of bliss waned markedly. 

Then I smelled an extremely strong scent.  (Later, I discovered the scent to be that of an Army medic's aftershave)  I can not explain how very strong, sharp the scent was....and not pleasant at all.  It felt much like someone stabbing ice picks in my nasal passages.  Truly a horrible experience. 

As I opened my eyes, the surgeon asked, "Victor, do you know who I am?"  When I told him, he shook his head (seemingly in amazement) and said to the staff, "I've never had one that far gone come back".  As each of the staff came to my bed, their eyes (if not their mouths) seemed to be open in complete amazement.  As the Army medic approached my bed, I smelled again the aftershave.  It was horrible and I began to tremble.  The ICU staff began to act quickly.  I am so thankful never to have smelled that particular aftershave scent again.  (I could easily smell it even though there was an oxygen tube in my nose.) 

Some time later, I was returned to the Ortho ward.  The PCA equipment had been bagged, tagged and sealed for the investigation.  No one wanted to tell me what happened, though my family was elated to see me some hours later.  They told me that Dr. Poly had told them that I had been found in my room and not breathing.  He also told them that it was unlikely that I would be resuscitated, and even so, they should be prepared for significant brain damage. 

The hospital seemed to struggle for several weeks to explain what had happened.  Army protocol required an investigation.  The PCA was examined.  No fault was found.  I was even thoroughly questioned if I had tried to (re)program the PCA in some form of attempted suicide (I would have no idea nor desire to do so)  The Doctor was required to testify before an Army Medical board which investigated the incident.  I do not know the outcome of that medical inquiry. 

After all this, one very strong feeling persists.   I have ABSOLUTELY no fear of death....at all.  If I try to explain this to others, they find my thoughts and discussion about death as "unnerving" or "creepy". 

I have learned not to talk about this.  After I hear your interview on "Coast to Coast"  I was shocked to hear what you said  and for the first time since the incident have thought of this.  My wife helped me find your site and complete the questionnaire....she remembers events from her perspective which I hope you find useful.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    It was a unique experience; unearthly; with no reference points in everyday life or language.  Extremely difficult to describe especially in concise written form.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes    respiratory arrest subsequent to spinal (Orthopedic) surgery (Subluxation of CV 4,5,6 with bone graft from a donor site on my right hip.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  My level of thought processing was pretty consistent, except for the insult of "returning".

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?          More consciousness and alertness than normal         

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?          No     

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?          No     

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          exalted; curious; great anxiety

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?        Yes    strong desire to move forward; strong sense of direction

Did you see a light?         No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         No     

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?   No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         No     

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?          Yes    Extremely beautiful but unrecognizable

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes    I had a strong sense of being/self.  No sense of time.  However, during the experience I asked myself if there were time.  I then realized if not time, there was at least a progression of my thoughts, and a sequence of thinking.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No
         

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?       No     

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    Within a week, shared with wife and brother only.  Their reaction was more concern for my physical/mental condition.  The Army surgeons had already told them to expect the worst outcome from the surgery as I had stopped breathing, etc. None of us had ever heard of a NDE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No     

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   As real as any experience which I have ever had,

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? There was a strong sense of direction.  I understand why others describe this as a "tunnel", however, it was more a sense that I had to proceed toward some unknown goal.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:          Experience was definitely real         The Army physician described it as a Personality Changing Event (PCE?).

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Yes    Especially with family.  Some things are so much more important to me and other previously important things have become nearly meaningless to me,

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I am COMPLETELY comfortable with thoughts of death.  It is now difficult to talk to others about death in this way as it makes others very uncomfortable.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No          Nothing even remotely similar.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          Yes, just one.  I experienced an extremely sharp sense of smell as I "came back".  As I regained consciousness, my first sense to return to me seemed to be smell.  Though I was still "out", the aftershave of an Army medic felt like ice picks jabbing into my nose. All the senses including pain returned shortly thereafter. After regaining consciousness in the ICU, the same Army medic approached my bed. Just that scent made me tremble.  I have never smelled that scent again...thank goodness.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? No     I know nothing about medicine, but I am an expert with words; English and other languages.  It is extremely difficult to give you an accurate accounting about something with which we share no common vocabulary or common points of reference.  It is frustrating trying to describe what I went experienced, but I wanted to do a good job for you.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I have NEVER discussed this event since the occurrence.  I remember waking in the ICU with the Doctor's face just an inch or two from mine. He asked, "Victor, Do you know who I am?"  After I correctly answered him, he stated, "I've never had someone that far gone come back."  I do not know much about that Doctor's career, but I suspect he hasn't said that to a patient very often. 

I have copies of my in-patient records at Walter Reed which discusses the event somewhat and reports to reparatory arrest, etc. Dr. Long, I wish you and your research well.  Perhaps I have added just a little help.  I hope so.