EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
I remember it being a lovely day, weather-wise, and I was very happy
that my mother was allowing me to take a nap in my parents' bed, rather than my
own, which was on the floor and hard. Their bed was nice and soft, and high,
they had pillows, and I loved it. I knew I should lie down and go to sleep, but
I was too excited. I started jumping up and down on the bed, and noticed there
was a bottle of medicine on the [very tall] bureau, next to the bed.
I tried to see if I
could reach it. I could. Knew I shouldn't touch it, but I did. And then I began
playing doctor and patient. The doctor in me would prescribe, and the patient in
me would imbibe. Until the bottle was empty...
I don't remember
passing out. I do remember suddenly seeing myself, from above. In the middle of
the bed, on my side, legs and arms positioned as though I was running. Didn't
feel anything in particular about being out of my body nor looking at myself. I
remember, clearly, thinking that it was funny that I looked as though I was
running when I was actually "sleeping."
Suddenly, I was "sucked
backwards" [at warp speed], as though "through the roof." Then the blackest
black...nothingness...I saw no tunnel, no light. Just blackness. It didn't
inspire fear. I felt perfectly fine, and somewhat like a detached observer. And
everything seemed to be happening to quickly, I didn't have time to think.
Then, I was Home. Earth
and this life were a bad summer camp, in comparison, and I knew I wanted to
stay. I didn't want to go back to camp. That's all I knew. I didn't "see 'God,'"
but I felt as though I was sitting in the lap and wrapped in the arms of the
most wonderful, loving [giant] "parent." This is where it gets frustrating,
because there are not, now, and will never be words to convey how this feels...
I detest using the word
"God," because of the great perversion we humans have made of the concept, but I
will use it from this point onward, merely for the sake of expedience.
I was "sitting in God's
lap," wrapped in the warmest embrace, and immediately involved in a
"conversation." We communicated -- telepathically? Don't know how else to
describe it. I didn't want to come back. That was my focus. I was Home, I liked
being Home, just let me be Home. But God was holding me tighter [in the best of
ways], and showing me the life to which I must return. My field of vision was
akin to being inside a TV screen watching a movie.
Though I knew, then,
that it's what happens, I was 3. How much could I have done. The only thing I
can remember in terms of a "life review" is seeing myself standing at my baby
brother's crib, on a chair, looking down at him. In terms of emotional
attachment, he could have been an uninteresting rock in a pile of uninteresting
rocks. I felt nothing, and that "made God cry." Which is Hell. Literally.
Immediately, I knew that love is the only important thing. At different points
throughout the experience, massive amounts of information would suddenly be
known to me, in a flash. Again, difficult to describe, in words. Words seem more
a blockade.
After making God cry
[and I say that in good humor], my life was shown to me in the form of a long
road...and it didn't look like a road I'd choose to travel [though I knew I HAD
chosen the road]. I saw many of the different places I'd live and people I'd
know. Jobs. Experiences. Too much sadness. I didn't want it. But God just kept
gently showing me that I was going back.
The movie kept running,
the road kept going...so fast...so much "information." Personal, universal.
Mostly about Thought and Love. And, way down the road, late in my life, it
seemed the trip would become more enjoyable. God told me [crappy earth
translation ahead] to stay true, "follow the clues," and all would be well. The
totality of God's love for me was the predominant feeling/understanding, at all
times [luckily, that feeling has stayed with me, though I don't necessarily
understand it, any more]...
The next thing I remember is sitting in the front seat of the car, between my
parents, leaving the hospital.
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes There are no words to describe it. And, back then, speaking of it only
brought ridicule.
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Uncertain I took an entire bottle of medication. Don't know if, by
"associated," you mean in addition to the medication, or in addition to the NDE.
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
and alertness?
When I was "sitting in God's lap."
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was
different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please
explain:
When I was "sitting in God's lap."
Did
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes I don't remember colors being any more vivid, or vision being more
clear, but I could "see" with more than my eyes; I could see into buildings, I
could see things clearly though they would be the equivalent of miles away, I
could see that time was used -- to give the appearance of sequence? Again,
difficult to explain, in words.
Did
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
etc.)?
Yes As with sight, I seemed to "hear with more than my ears." I
could hear thoughts. I could hear anything I was meant to hear. I don't remember
loud noises, nor anything jarring [besides the fact that I would have to
return].
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
Primarily, an incredible peace and happiness; I felt loved; some
sadness and fear about coming back. "Death" was the best and most wonderful
experience of my life...
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Uncertain I got "sucked backwards into God's lap." There was a definite
feeling of "travel," but I did not experience a tunnel, per se.
Did
you see a light?
No
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Yes I only met God. I saw many other people, and I could see them talking to
others, but they were in this life, not there, at Home. I didn't see any
departed relatives nor angels nor any other beings. I never really saw God,
either. I felt God. I was in God's lap, but my back was to God and my eyes were
in the movie.
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
Yes I saw myself looking at my brother and feeling nothing, as described,
earlier. I knew that my lack of feeling for/complete disinterest in him was not
a good thing. I knew that I am "supposed to" feel love for everyone. The
horrible feeling of having "made God cry" made me know that I never wanted to
make God cry, again. I don't know how it might have changed my life because I
was so young when it happened, and every day of my life, since, has been about
that experience. It is always with me. It also tortures me, because I still feel
absolutely nothing for my brother, and it's not possible to fool God. I console
myself with the knowledge that I have added much love to the world, but I'm far
more consumed by my failures than satisfied with my "accomplishments." My
feelings toward my brother were a benchmark, of sorts, in this experience, and
I've managed to change nothing since I was 3. Very sad.
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
No
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Yes The road of my life seemed like a "real-life" road, but there were many
other dimensions. I saw places in Arizona and Oregon that would one day be very
important to me, and I could "see" the emotions associated with those places, as
well as the "aliveness" of those places. The places were as people, in that
regard.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
Uncertain Time was only a device used to "create sequence" for the movie.
EVERYthing was "altered."
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes That would be a book. The basics? Life seemed a kind of boarding
school. Each life is a different grade/year, and we live many lives. I saw two
of mine. In one, I was some sort of "Neanderthal" [figuratively speaking]. I was
strong and big; had long, reddish hair and a wild beard. I loved to fight, and I
probably never had a thought which didn't concern my wants. My clothes were made
of fur and leather. I'm thinking this life was 400 - 500 years ago. The second
life I saw as my own was as some sort of scullery maid, probably in France,
maybe 200 years ago [from the style of clothing]. I remember that I was
completely happy and content with the simplicity of my life, and I was a very
hard worker. To explain how those lives figure into this one, and to detail all
of the other things I suddenly knew about life, and the knowledge I remembered
once back here, would take more time than I have to devote to this,
unfortunately.
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No
Did
you become aware of future events?
Yes
Completely accurate, so far. But I'm still waiting for the "happy
ending" I was shown...and question #35 should have a place for "both." I saw
future events for myself and for the world.
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain I don't know if it was a change, because I've been told that I
was a strange baby [born 21], and I was only 3 when it happened. But I've always
had prophetic dreams re myself or others or the world [i.e., I dreamed about
"911" several times, beginning in the '70s]. I also tend to receive information
through the ether. I know it's something anyone can do, but we limit ourselves.
Maybe this experience made me not close the channels. Would I have had the same
"gifts" without the experience? No way to know.
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I tried to tell people about it when it happened, but it made my parents
angry and other people reacted strangely. I didn't know what it was, I still
didn't know anything about "God" [never heard the word until I was seven years
old, and a teacher spoke about God]. A few people listened nicely, as I got
older, but I could see they were just humoring me. I first head about NDEs when
I was maybe 16, and found Raymond Moody's first book. What a godsend!
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
How
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It was so much to take in when I first found
myself back in my body, but it was as real as anything else in my life. For
weeks, afterward, I'd get further flashes of information, and "flashbacks" to
the experience, in a manner which felt as though it was happening, again, at the
time, but on another level. It was completely real. No doubt in my mind. It was
as real as me sitting here writing about it.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
All
of them.
How
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real It was the most important thing which ever
happened to me, in this life. In many respects, I was given a cheat-sheet for
existence. I believe it was real, why? I don't know. For the same reasons I
believe I really went to school, or really lived in certain places or held
different jobs. The "reality" was proved, long ago, when the "road" ran exactly
as God had shown me it would. How could I know all of those things before they
happened were it not real?
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Uncertain
I
wish that the experience magically imbued me with the ability to FEEL love for
everyone. People say I'm the most patient person they've ever met, but I know in
my heart how impatient I am. "Better than others" means nothing. We "compete
against" ourselves, no one else matters. I feel hatred toward no one, don't hold
grudges, don't lose my temper. Would I have been otherwise had I not had this
experience? I don't know. What I DO know is that it is very easy for me to feel
nothing at all for many, and that pains me, deeply. Intellectual love is a
different animal. The experience urges me to keep trying, but it also haunts me,
because I have failed. I don't FEEL love for all. Simply not hating others isn't
enough.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
No
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
Yes Have had many out of body experiences, since then. MDA [not mmda], in
the '70s, made me feel the love toward all that I wish I could feel when not
"high," and definitely made it easier to "see" in the manner I "saw" when having
the original near-death experience. Also in the '70s, a couple of LSD trips had
moments which were very similar to the NDE. But the NDE, itself, was FAR more
profound than anything resulting from the use of "substances."
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
Just
that, throughout the years, many is the time I've wished that I could kill
everyone for just five minutes, so they could see and feel what I saw and felt.
When I was a kid, I thought most people knew the things I knew. I took for
granted that such knowledge was "normal" [and that only my parents and then
teachers had somehow missed the memo]. But once I hit my teens and saw that
humans being inhuman was standard operating procedure., I've felt as though I'm
watching everyone race toward a bridge that's out. I try to warn them, but they
don't want to know. I have to remind myself that none of it really matters, but
I feel everyone's pain, and I don't know why there has to be so much unnecessary
pain. I will never wish that I didn't have this experience, however. I just wish
everyone else would have it, too. There would be no more wars, murders, rapes,
selfishness, hunger...and then it would be EASY to love everyone! ha-ha
Did
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Uncertain I don't feel that I've ever been able to adequately describe the
experience. The things one grasps in an instant, during an NDE, would take days
to fully describe. Put all of the instances from this experience together and it
would take months. It's just impossible. Especially impossible to describe the
feelings of love and joy and peace. But I wanted to add my story to this
database, simply because it's the closest thing I would have to a home country.
These are my people...
Are
there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?
Question #35 should have an option for "both" as well as "neither." The two
questions about religious affiliations should also have the option for "none" [I
chose "liberal" only because I had to choose something. But, to me, "liberals"
can be just as controlling as "conservatives." What good is "free will" if
others control us? Can't think of anything else. So glad you're doing this work!
