Tracy M NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I had finished telling the anesthesiologist to tell everyone that I loved them and that Al (my partner would be a good dad). I was then put under...

I could see the room the doctors, nurses I could feel their fear of losing me I could tell the interns anxiety and few of the nurses sadness ..they barley believed I would live. I could sense others as well but was quickly swept to an opening ..the best I know how to describe it is not so much a tunnel but a fuzzy opening as though the pixels were less clear and darker. I felt pulled through the opening.

 The place I was is a hill in Marysville where my grandmother used to pick sun flowers. The grass so lush and so green the air so perfect moving yet still...colors with intensity I have never known. I could see and know all these things with my entire being.  A dogs tail weaved through the tall grass. A beautiful fuzzy puppy wagged her tail at me. At first I did not recognize her, I had never seen our dog as a puppy. I was so happy to see her ..we had to put her down two weeks prior to my daughters birth. She had injured her hip. We had given all the surgery we could to keep her but it did not make her quality of life better it had become much worse. We put down on my due date our hearts were so heavy with the loss of dog that generously shared her life with us for 12 years.

I followed the spirited dog as  she meandered amongst the tall grass. There sat my grandmother looking over the hill as though she had been waiting there for me. when I saw her I had never seen her so beautiful the essence of her was so magnificent and everything around us whispered...love love love. I sat with her I asked her questions ... we spoke with out words but understanding. It was made clear I was there only for (recess) a term that had been used in my  junior schools years as a break before lunch.

we looked from our beautiful lush hill..there was however a split from where the hill ended and the road began. I could see the town, the cars moving but everything was dull and black and white.

up the hill came my other grandmother smiling with love in her heart and then  the sun began to go down. "it's time" It's time to go" my first grandmother said... I did not want to leave I.. pleaded .."I do not want to" I cant" ..."You must" she said you have a child" your not finished loving...you're not finished remembering, your finished knowing" GO...the words were from everything that existed there and beyond that..maybe what perhaps could be called god. 

coming to was more painful than I can describe...As I remember and as it has been told to me. I was ICU for 2 day's. I struggled with consciousness. I could these people ..people that when they discovered I was coming to this world and could see theirs...they tried to give me messages. One woman wanted her daughter to forgive her ..she was bitter...a sickly  teenage boy needed to confess ..he had taken his life. It was too much ..they were desperate and I was just trying to figure where I was. Al said I kept asking where I was what happened 500 times over and over again he would Tracy It's all right your ok you can wake up now. They had to strap me down because I kept removing the oxygen I wanted to get these stuck soles there messages out. At the time I did not know they were  spirits I thought they were people..even a baby floated past..

They finally gave me a pen I wrote pages and pages of gibberish. The Icu nurse finally went and got a nurse that had been known for seeing spirits herself.

She soothed me with her words "' they are spirits just focus on getting better ..it's ok you have angels and they want you to come back...ignore the others focus on yourself.."  with her help I was able to come awake..

My recovery took a while ...

I mourned and still some extent mourn being on that hill..with all that love. I know I will never experience that again in this reality..

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     words can not describe!!

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     My daughter was born May 19,2009 via C-section. I bled internally with 3 platelets left in my body. I was told to make any last requests it was unclear if I could be saved.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I was on the hill.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            When I was on the hill.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I could see the very atoms of every blade of grass.. I could smell their words and every cells whisper of love and peace was absorbed by the core of beingingness

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I could see the very atoms of every blade of grass.. I could smell their words and every cells whisper of love and peace was absorbed by the core of beingingness

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            The utmost love ..In fact love is far too small of a description

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     A fuzzy ..hazy opening

Did you see a light?           Yes     I was light ..everything was light.

Except past the road .. not in a bad way just in different way.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     My dog that past two weeks prior.

My two grandmothers both beautiful and in their prime.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     It was so fast and with so little detail that I barely recognized it as my own except I saw a t-shirt I was wearing that had bananas on it from when I was 10.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     A young Asian doctor came in several weeks after to say He was glad I made it. That I would not recognize him because he came in after the second surgery when my lungs collapsed...but remembered him and his thoughts of wanting me to live how he felt sad that I might die. In his head he said it would not be fair.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     The place I was, is a hill in Marysville B.C. where my grandmother used to pick sun flowers. The grass was so lush and so green the air so perfect moving yet still...colors with intensity I have never known. I could see and know all these things with my entire being. The beauty is indescribable. I wish I could take you there..!!

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     It was know to me it was temporary ..that I had been given this place where there was no time..

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Love everything is about love...to know to understand.

That if it is not about this it just does not matter and nothing could ever be as important as love.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I just understood for the first time what the road was about ,,it was the boundary I was not to cross it.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            I would live. I would love. I would breast feed my child..though I only got to do it once after that.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     Though I had some before.

I had to really work at blocking some things as it was really scaring people... I would know them..I mean really know them their past present future..their ego... their thoughts.

I advised a young doctor that being forthright about being gay would free him..

I saw peoples suffering..and for awhile I saw spirits but would pretend not to see them as to not be harassed.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     when I could talk I told everyone 1 hour after coming to.. a few doctors wanted me get psychological help. My best girlfriend from  a personal trainer to the stars. I told her that everything she was concerned about did not matter there is no past that love in all its expressions is all that matters and that it was not in her life and that she was wasting time.

She let go of her place in Beverly hills took a break form all her clients and moved back to Canada for 5 months.

I told my dad it was not his fault that he did not deserve what they did to him as a boy.. that to forgive for they know not what they do..

My partner realized to have faith and surrender not to have begged god for my life.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Uncertain            Not really ..it is not something I ever looked into .. I did see a show once that showed that the brain did all this while it died and lost blood and oxygen..

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Because our dog Shilo was there as a puppy .. I had never seen her as a puppy..in fact I did even think she would look like that but it was her...how could I have imagined that?

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    All of it is significant. Your here to love. Your here to know ...

Do the work while your here so you do not get stuck in hospital as a spirit seeking closure and light.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    But I some times question ...doubt can seep in and the harder route is to know it's true life as I lived it before with much of my ego in control is no longer a way I can live.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I understand so much more. I appreciate others experience and can love in spite of their choices. I see us all as one.. one breathing organism "god"

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     They are much deeper. I'm much more certain and care so much less about the science or the fact seeking of say the bible or Koran or kabala

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Uncertain      never ever to that extent. I have been doing a hemi sync CD while meditating. It gives the feeling of weightlessness that is similar but that is all.           

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     The questions were great. thank you for having the courage to ask them.