Tawnie M's NDE

Experience description: 

    I was at my local swimming pool, with friends, we were in the water, splashing around, when I got into difficulty, I found myself under the water, swallowing water fast. I grabbed a girl next to me by her bikini bottom, she kicked me away to the bottom of the pool. All of a sudden my life flashed before my eyes, happy times mainly, Christmas time, Birthdays etc then I found myself in what appeared to be a tunnel, with a small white bright light at the other end. I knew with a certainty I had never known before that I was dead, and I couldn't understand how I could still be thinking, I thought there must have been some kind of mistake. Only my thoughts remained I had no sense of a physical body any more, I was moving fairly fast towards the light, a feeling of peace and what felt like unconditional love enveloped me, it felt incredible. As I was moving forward I sensed the presence of 2 other people, these people knew me, but I did not know them, I had never met them before. They were communicating with me through just our thoughts, them to me, me to them, they were telling me that it was not my time, I had to go back, they conveyed other things to me that I can't remember, though I don't think I'm supposed to remember yet. Then just as fastly as I'd came I was going back down the tunnel and back into my physical body, coughing and spluttering water, as the lifeguard was giving me the kiss of life. I was only conscious for seconds then I lost consciousness and didn't wake up fully until 3 weeks later after spending the whole 3 weeks in an oxygen tent at hospital.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  It is hard to communicate the incredible feeling of peace and love that seemed to envelop me, making me feel worthwhile, loved etc.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I had drowned and lay at the bottom of the swimming pool, luckily I was seen and rescued.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Very alert, and incredulous during the whole experience.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  It did have some dream like qualities, but that could be because of the things I was seeing for the first time, the tunnel the light etc.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  It seemed as if my consciousness was all that remained, my thoughts were all I had.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Probably several emotions, fear, wonder, joy, peace, love, compassion

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  Unsure

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Yes

      Describe:  Passed into a tunnel, very large and dark

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, it was small, white, bright and far away, I was moving towards this light quite quickly, it was getting bigger and bigger as I approached.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  As I was moving toward the light, I became aware of 2 other presences beside me, they were communicating to me through thought alone. They knew me, but I did not know them, I had never met them before. They told me it was not my time, I had would have to go back, they conveyed other things with me but I can't remember much about it.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

      Describe:  The life flashing before my eyes happened very quickly, but then I was still a child, so not many events to look at, I seemed to view these events as if I was there and could feel them. Unsure if I learned anything from these events unless they were comforting to me as they were happy times mainly that I viewed.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Had no sense of time really, things seemed to happen instantaneously, or quickly like time speeded up.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I had a sense of being loved for who I am, worthwhile and understood, had feeling of certainty more in my thoughts e.g knowing I was dead with certainty. Gave me strength from the love and peace surrounding me, strength of love. Think some aspects of who I am and what my purpose in life is was conveyed to me, but I cannot remember them. Before having my NDE, I was abused from the age of 1 and a half years, continuously up until my NDE occurred. While being abused I dissociated and now my memories of abuse are all blocked out, so I can't remember them. The NDE was one of the best experiences of my short life at that time.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Did not cross a boundary, feel sure the light was the boundary point for me, the people I encountered were wanting me to return, before I reached the light, and I did return before I had reached the light.

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  Uncertain if I have any special gifts, but I do have an empathy with people who can open up to me and be their true selves in my presence, where they find it difficult to open up to others. I cannot wear a watch it does not keep proper time, I do not know why and have heard other NDE and OBE survivors who can't wear watches either. Have a sense of knowing things for certain, even though they have not been confirmed.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Before the NDE since I had been abused since such a young age, I did not believe in God, even though I attended a catholic school. But afterwards, since the depth of feeling, and there being no other reasonable explanation, I started to believe in God. I do not practice any faith, and do not attend church, believing it to be between God and me, he knows what I do.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  It has changed my life completely, after having my NDE, when I had recovered sufficiently, I confronted my abusers, 2 of them, my uncle and my teenage older cousin, they had been abusing me for years and they were aggressive violent men, I used to be terrified of them before. I told them to stop abusing me or I would tell on them, and I didn't care if I got into trouble, they knew I was serious and they agreed to stop abusing me. So for me it changed my whole existence, I was no longer a victim, I was a survivor and I would not be letting anyone hurt me so badly again.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I used to keep silent about my NDE experience, much the same way I kept silent about the abuse. But when I was an adult, I felt more at ease and willing to share the incredible experience with friends and family, most people's reactions are positive, though there are some skeptics too. Mainly the people I tell walk away feeling better about the dying experience that they do have thoughts on from time to time.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Was unconscious after my experience, but when I was well enough, I felt happy and exhilarated to be alive, to have been given the chance to live my life. Felt very happy, and thankful to be back in this reality.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best part of my experience has definitely got to be the incredible feeling I encountered there. It cannot be described using mere words, it was like peace or unconditional love in a feeling that could surround your consciousness and give you some comfort. The worst part was at the beginning when I was a little scared knowing I was dead and worrying how I was still thinking. Also the return journey was a little scary as I didn't know what was happening at first.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  Just like to add that this experience helped me to come to terms with who I am what had happened to me and let some correction take place, by me confronting my abusers and stopping them abusing me further. I had never known things for certain until then, always unsure and thinking constantly, my life had been about survival and trying to come to terms with the abuse. The NDE helped me make some sense of things that had concerned me in my childhood.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes my life changed very specifically, after my NDE, it gave me the strength to confront my abusers and get them to stop abusing me, something I doubt I would have ever done without it. My abusers were violent, aggressive men, who displayed violence and abuse towards me, ensuring my silence until then, and it had gone on for years beforehand, without me having the will or the way to make it all stop. There is no way on this earth I would have said anything to them if I had not had my NDE when I did, it saved my soul and my life at a time when I so desperately needed it. Gave me some faith in God and humanity, that I did not have beforehand. Made me realize, I did not need to stay a victim, I could be a survivor and live a better life. I now help those less fortunate than me whenever I can, especially women and children who are in trouble or finding it difficult to cope. I am thankful for every day I am here, I don't take things for granted and appreciate what I have. I have compassion for human life that some people don't seem to share these days and value my life much more than other people.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  It summarized my experience in a way that is understandable to someone who has not had one, but it does not convey in accurate detail all of the feelings or thoughts that are encountered while there. Nor does it show how much depth of feeling is encountered on just a consciousness level.