Talia's NDE

Experience description: 

It was just right and one of the few memories of a perfect time that I keep. I was struck by a car in 1983.The experience caused a great shift in me  I see the whole of it as an awakening, a blessing and something that was a gift that remains yet unmatched by anything other than being born as an infant the first time (in this incarnation). I was 11 at the time and had what's called a near death experience. I didn't realize that until a friend of my Mother one day asked me to describe my experience through the accident. I told her what I'd seen and the telling of it was enough to help me to realize that it was extraordinary, and that it was something that ought not be forgotten.

What I saw for a while in whatever weakened state has stayed with me and was beautiful though not anything like what I've yet heard others describe. That's in part why I do prescribe to the belief that we enter an after, beyond the breath of the body, that is to some degree of our own choosing and also what we both need and can handle. We are after all born into an incarnation as infants who need tending to just as we are born into the afterlife again and again.

In that first few moments some do require the hand-holding of those they love or have loved and so on. It wasn't quite that way for me nor did I see a light at a tunnel's length that was alluring but rather found myself in a vastness that was dark. It wasn't blackness to my present recollection but very close to jet blue. The light was not before me at a distance. It was directly behind me and comfortably so. The light didn't close round me as I hovered there. I didn't feel a body to hover in but instead just consciousness. Perhaps I did have some form like those that shot across the vision of that unending space.

Those were bodies that I recognized easily but did not concentrate upon. They were spirits in travel off to destinations unknown by me. I knew though or feel I did. These appeared to me as what I called at age twelve while speaking with this adoring friend of the family, "Tears in flame" and I gave that description because of their shapes that were so tear like, or by now I'd call comet like and because of their color. They were mostly blue to my vision with other bits of color to them. It was wondrous. The light did stay at my back but was effective in comforting me and giving me a sense of warm familiarity that was embracing me.

It was a question that came into me not in any language that I know per se but in clarity of being that asked if I would like to stay or go. It was exactly that question and exactly that simple and I recall being glad about the notion of returning to that home that I knew well in that state. I didn't consider that for long though as the understanding at a deeper level, maybe the level of human reason crept in. I decided to honor the knowing that I had more to do, to accomplish and give. I didn't respond in words at all and didn't think to give the answer but as soon as it was in my awareness the experience ended, or else the memory of it failed.

I was in a coma for 12 days critically and whether or not the experience happened then or immediately somewhere after the initial impact is beyond me. I carried the energy of it back with me and during the recovery after waking I shared it freely greeting all passers-by with loving words and joy. I was still very much connected. While it had been said that I wouldn't walk or talk again necessarily due to the injuries I am now a very able bodied person with a firm grasp of language and more interestingly the ability to still acquire new languages. I am blessed with the gift of remembrance that to love is to heal of which I must remind myself quite often considering the struggle that it is to get by in this life.

I don't regret the accident though yes, it has been a hardship on various levels and has seen to it that strife and I are well acquainted. That I could elaborate on at a later time if its of any interest but really I imagine the more ethereal being what's sought here. I have been opened psychically in ways and have been called on for medium ship often. I've been called a pathfinder by one who knew the label that Native Americans call one of my abilities, and many of my close acquaintances call on me directly when they've had a dream that is profound for the deeper meaning of it and what direction to take it in. That last example of what is I believe, an affect of the experience may be only a stronger link that I now enjoy with intuition but still verges on the rest. Only that I tend to be too open psychically without any means to put stops on is what I find troublesome about the deal. It'd be nice to not attract so many lost souls who seem to need to draw positive vibrations from the light in people. That's a small thing though and won't have me shutting off to what is truly a gift.

On that note I'll leave this and hope it serves whatever purpose is meant to be met. Oh, actually the last thing I'd like to mention is that its also resulted in a serious melting of time stuff around me. I realize that severe head injuries can be causative of time perception strains but that's not what I mean. Its brought me to a point where even now I can see it in different ways, as in it having opened a type of portal or even many is a better way of putting it. Not the sort of thing I've tried to describe before, sorry, so its going to have to be left at that before I ramble on senselessly and bore the reader to tears... Thanks for your attention. I'd like to know if this mirrors anybody else's like experience at all, or what if any, thoughts there are about it all. Again, thanks.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I was struck by a car.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    There was no one point that I can think was a highest state of consciousness because it was all very much calmly and fully so. I do think that after the question was delivered of whether I wanted to remain in this present incarnation or travel onward I became alert in a different way. At that point I believe a wash of information may have moved through me about this present incarnation's potential outcomes because I chose to stay in this knowing I have more to offer. Following awakening out of the coma and finally returning to school I knew certain things and had sorts of deja vu experiences. I knew about talks that had been had among the children and some things that had happened in my absence. That, it would seem, was impossible. I don't consciously remember seeing visions that let me know those things and believe its very likely what I realized without a need to "see" while in that NDE's space. I believe that the reason myself and possibly others actually stop having a solid view of the future or of things unseen is because we absorb the possibilities at the time of our injury or whatever else causes the NDE but over time, and with so many different choices followed through the outcomes are impossible to have stored. That's the fun of it. I think Tsu Pen, the philosopher who suggested the "Garden of Forking Paths" meant; we diverge into so many lines of consciousness through our many layers of being. Who is to say what's more when it is all one?

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            It was only different in the sense that it was an other space and another perception of being. Below I'm asked if my thoughts had been sped up. I believe there was an all around awareness that didn't require thought in the way that our minds, brains rather, are programmed and designed to register them. This is beyond light speed if you will. Also sensory perception was different because the body wasn't there to be fed inputs as usual so, yes, vivid is a word I'd use to describe the senses I experienced there as asked in question 7. They were vivid as in true to life as I understand it now which is unending and multi-facetted.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I've done my best to describe this in the account of my NDE. I wasn't in the body I was in at the time of the accident just as out of body suggests so my eyes weren't being used to see. Also the visions that I saw were very real as bright in the dark that was all a perfect balance. How else to say this is redundant.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     Wow, some of these questions are really firing off interesting thoughts for me now. I suddenly realized that its fantastic that I've never considered what reason there is for not having any recall of sound in the regular every day sense but that there was definitely light and color. I didn't hear any voices though I perceived a question in that state out of body. I didn't need it delivered in voice I suppose. Perhaps there were sounds that by now I've forgotten or perhaps there really wasn't any light and for the integrity of my memory of the experience I was fed a visual spectrum to relay information out of. This interests me greatly but how to ever really know what truth serves best isn't answerable now. Life is a mystery.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Calm, elation through freedom and confidence though even that was better described as calm.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     There was light behind me. I can't say that I saw it. I knew it to be there.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     The beings that I recognized as spirits off to their destinations were all around in high speed travel. The communication was not exactly with them but rather with all through recognition. I believe it added to my calm through the assurance that our life travels are ceaseless.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     I believe I did based on my fore-knowledge of events that took place while I was away from others who played part in my life at that age though I can give no exact description of that information being shared. I think it was given not so much in our own concept of time but that which is available to us in our truer or ethereal state without the bounds of flesh and blood to interfere, or media of any sort.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes            Yes, it was a vast pocket beyond the body for which no boundaries seemed to be present. It was somewhere else. It wasn't strange to me nor was it unfamiliar though I can't think of a time I've been in it exactly. Its somewhere that we each have within ourselves in different variations surely...

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Space and time were only different there. Let me say that as children we don't get startled by places that our parents or guardians bring us to for the first time. Some of the new places are places we were brought while still in the womb and so though they seem new they are places that our consciousnesses have already been to and sensed. In this way I liken the experience out of body during my NDE because though it was new to me, and whatever guardian that was available to me had brought me to seemed strange it was also somewhere I was familiar with. All of life is like that even in the waking life, this physical plain in that we roam the planet if we're that fortunate, or just our familiar stomping grounds and have been through it all before. We are in the womb by being in our bodies and our choices are the infants of our present momentum. I'm just trying to get at the fact that its all congruous, all one, and time and space are tools that we use to experience the fulfillment of being which is a divine play enacted, endured and enjoyed.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            This has been described I believe already by me. I was calm and knowing. No knowledge that was deeper seemed hidden though I didn't seek any information except that which would help me choose to return to the body if that was the choice that seemed best when presented with it. When I chose it was out of instant knowing. I made no bargains or trades to receive that information which helped me to choose. I simply had it in me at once. Other than that I felt secure and peaceful with all available and accessible to me. It was even beyond a universal order that was very comfortable to experience as well as familiar in a deeper way.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            For approximately a year after the accident I had quite regular senses of deja-vu. It was only that and nothing more clear as in the visions a psychic might say that they "see". I attribute that, as I've mentioned, to the theory of the garden of forking paths. I was able to see various outcomes of various lines of choice and action that I would personally follow in the physical life I know but that for anyone is altered the further into life we travel and the more divergent our paths become over the waves of time. It was then distinctly accurate and by now when I have such a sensation it is just as accurate. That is to say that the awareness of a future event coming into reality being signaled by a deja-vu is very good and for me at least offers assurance that a good order is being followed. Visionary dreams have happened since that have also come true. Those leave their mark but are never exactly what I'd see through my eyes. They are messages that help with coping with the unfolding of this reality. For instance I dreamed long before a pregnancy that I would have a son. I dreamed about president Bush coming into power long before ever even hearing of him or realizing why this might be of any interest considering my Canadian nationality since birth and other such things over the years. Oh that's funny...question 35 doesn't allow for two answers. I want to say both from the world's future and my own but will leave it at personal as I've chosen this world for now.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     Pathfinding- I can travel out of body over terrain that is of this world. I haven't yet done so into space as I've heard others do.

Dream travel in psychic ways - I have met with and communicated with loved ones and occasionally strangers during dreams and had it confirmed that these were shared experiences

- time travel

-Increased abilities of perception and intuition

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I first explained what I'd seen to a friend of my Mother when I was about 12 or 13 but very close to a year after. I did not realize it by then to be an NDE. Nobody had said I'd had one and I was a bit young to think of that myself. I was actually trying to tell her what I thought had been my coma experience because she'd asked if I remembered anything from that. I readily told her as she was the first to ask. She said it was phenomenal and then I realized it was something special. Over time after that I came to the notion that it was an NDE based on the elements of the memory and the gifts and marks it has left me with.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Days to weeks aft I wasn't concentrating on that as much as on my surroundings. I was focusing heavily on readjusting to my environment in ways because the physical realm was once again so strange to me. I had to accept the odd make up of the world from a hospital bed and the heavy energy signatures of the objects around me. For instance I was terrified of a picture on the wall in the hospital of Noah and the ark with all the animals. I think that either had to do with doctrines of thought that can be oppressive, or perhaps with the person who made it, framed it, donated it or hung it for decoration. I was afraid of a particular children's television host who had never before affected me. Years later I learned that he had been accused of abuses that fit the feelings I had had about him through the television. I had to learn to do puzzles again, use a fork and other things to connect with the physical world. It was an involved process as living always is and I don't recall thinking deeply about the NDE at all at that time.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Having the light at my back was important. It was reassuring and beautiful though I couldn't see it exactly. I was cradled and free. Thinking on it now it seems like a good indicator of how best to treat our children. Nothing could feel better than to be supported and free which is essentially what we all are beyond the illusions. I also liked that the spirits traveling around me in that space were too quick to really observe in detail but each had its own way and distinctive volition that was bright

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            Everything that we experience is real. That is not to suggest that what's real to me is also real to another but there's a respect in recognizing the personal experiences of others as parts of reality, whether perceived only by them or no, and as integral to our own. I have no doubt about the validity of my own experience and feel that it offered a gift. I also don't rule out that it could have all taken place in a subatomic realm in the deepest reaches of my own brain. hah-hah, I don't limit divinity to the use of a standard heaven or plain to work from in offering other angles to make our choices from while supported. I believe in one life that is shared by all and that renews itself as do the seasons. The reality of my NDE was just part of all that and was what guided me over time to put those puzzle pieces in place and understand the whole truth of life's mystery as I do.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I have a good grasp of reality as I've described it which is something of a comfort to those I love. They enjoy my openness about all things spiritually integral and I believe feel through our communications. My relationships with children are interesting too because I feel them as so wise and unclouded for the most part and get a great rise or laugh out of their budding ego tools. There are more examples but I'd rather just say that yes, the NDE is surely a specific thing that has changed my relationships in life. I have too many relationships to describe all details. All of our experiences change our relationships if we are content to form agreements to grow with those we relate with and even those with whom we share no spoken agreements. NDEs are truths that shape us in positive ways we can share with those who're open and even with those who aren't if we're gentle and aware of honor and respect as a result of our choices. Boy do I feel wordy! hahah!

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes            I enjoy delving into as many belief systems as possible for exploration and have settled on being an explorer that way. I think that Judaism offers a wonderful living formula and tried at it though because of the accident and my perception of time, how it flows through me and further how I've adapted to that for living, I haven't been accepted to the faith because I can't meet its standards of scheduling. Its one that is really about honoring creation and the creation of a life that is respectful. Its a lot like Native American cultures only more rigid and expensive to those not born to it. So many paths to God if you will and I believe that all are valid. I do believe in ritual in order to attain clarity of being and thereby honor the creator of all along with our unique parts in that process.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     Meditation has offered a semblance but not exactly that of the original NDE that I recall.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          I've been told that over 700 people per year experience NDEs in the united states alone. I believe that this is part of the process of enlightenment and that my experience isn't my own but in the same way as others integral to our fulfillment of divinity coming to know its own body through our own deeper connections and awareness or understanding. I think "my" NDE experience is minute and grand and is only meant to lighten up the world through my relationships. I will continue to share it with loved ones as an assurance that life is shared and unending.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     These questions have ultimately brought more to light. There are some things we feel we know but never really think to describe. I think its been therapeutic to sift through so many aspects of the experience. Its always a healthy reminder to bring things into a conscious frame that we can share whether to evoke emotion or learn or relearn. To be perfectly honest it has been a little exhausting to describe so much but I'm glad if it helps to give others something they feel they need. I can't understand what there is to be understood about it all really. I mean life is what it is and calling it understanding is a bit much. Its more about acceptance I think. We have acceptance of life to fully put into practice as a species which is evident through denial of such experiences, through prejudices and so many other forms of denial even down to cutting down trees carelessly. These questions have brought up many feelings and sensations I've had over time that are directly related to what awareness I've integrated due to the NDE.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?      I would love to see the term changed from near death experience to something like near new incarnate experience. That would be a good step in the right direction of what these experiences are really meant to assure us as not only possible but, in fact, unavoidable. Please don't ask any more questions because I nearly died of old age just trying to answer them all (ha hah hah!) No but really that's quite enough and if anyone would like to say more I'm sure they'll feel as free as I did to do to so!!! TADA! All done! Thanks for reading.