Stephanie L's NDE

It was not like I went anywhere, but more like a realm opening up right where I was that is there but in normal state I'm not able to see it.  I was looking into this blue vastness when a beautiful being appeared.  He looked a little like Jesus but at the time it wasn't important who he was, he was all love, the kind of love that has everything in it (not the sappy sentimental kind) everything in it meaning it was solid, supportive, permanent but very much in the moment (yet no fear that it would disappear).  I felt concern, care, total sensitivity from him, he was not asserting himself in any dominating way yet I knew he was all there was or, everything was part of or came from him.  He was indescribably sweet, sincere, responsive to me, and there was even humor (like he was saying surprise surprise.) He looked at me as if he was looking at something totally precious and dear to him and I couldn't take my eyes away, I never felt love like that, complete love with no demands, just a total recognition that I was wonderful and he knew it all along and wanted me to know it.  Slowly it faded and I was back in the room, or rather the room returned to its normal state and I felt so, so grateful I had been given this gift, this knowledge.  The expression, "fell on my knees." - I now knew what it meant and how it felt, thank you thank you thank you.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The complete, total, and unconditional love from being

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I fell in my home and hit my head.  Later someone told me I stopped breathing for a significant period of time and was revived by my Japanese neighbor using Pressure Points.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I looked into being's face and saw the love.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I saw more completely.  Normally I think I see richness and variety of feeling and experiencing but none of it is for me, nothing bodes well for me, I can't make it happen for me and I am excluded, I am ashamed.  During this experience I saw I was a part of the wonder and the beauty and I was not just "looking on", I was in on it, a part of.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     It was more llike thought transference than hearing

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Love and gratitude and feeling my 'suspicions' that that there was more than meets the eye were confirmed.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Uncertain     

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     described above

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain     

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            That there is  meaning in the the universe and in life

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Immediate.  Person I told was enthralled and wish it had happened to her.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Uncertain            Raymond Moody's book about the children but wasn't sure about it.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was probably real    The longer I was away from when it happened, I started having doubts like maybe it was a head injury or maybe a 'psychiatric' symptom, or, as my psychiatrist said maybe some chemical reaction.  But no, I always come back to the feeling, it was so intense I know I didn't have it in me to contrive or hallucinate or imagine.  It was a total gift.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            love, I have never felt loved.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was probably real            When I am clear and just happen to think of it, yes, it was real.  If my natural skeptic sets in and begins to take it apart and try to make sense of it and tell myself I fool myself so I'll feel better about life, the experience gets diluted or tainted by my doubting mind.  I change the subject, and I always come back to its truth and beauty (OF THE EXPERIENCE).

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     i LOVE more completely and unconditionally, with more compassion.  I am more real and less censoring, less rejecting of faults.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        My life was transformed, I stopped taking drugs.  I was a drug addict (but I wasn't on drugs when I had the experience.  I went to treatment for two years and got well because I know now life has a purpose.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes