Sharon S's NDE

Experience description: 

At that time I was a single mother of a daughter who was eight eight years old, trying to make a living anyway I could.  I was working one full time job and two part-time jobs.  While working one of the part-time jobs as a clerk in a convenience store, one of my duties was to sweep the sidewalk and parking lot and that was what I was doing on this night around 9:00 p.m.  The store I worked in sat to the side of Hwy 231 which was a four lane highway with lots of traffic, outside the city limits.  Out of the night, a car came fast and furious from Hwy. 231, swerving around the gas pumps and headed right at me. 

I felt like I had time to get out of the way and thinking surely they would stop soon as they were bearing down on me.  But they didn't stop and no matter which way I ran the car kept coming.  The impact happened so fast, only the concrete wall of the store stopped the car with me pinned between.  In my position, bent over the hood of the car, I could see the female driver and listened in disbelief as she screamed over and over, "Why me?"  The male passenger was trying to push her from behind the wheel and ended up dumping her bottom first onto the parking lot after I kept repeating to get the car off me.  I couldn't move and very surprised to not be feeling anything, until the car was slowly reversed away. 

Then the most awful pain flooded all throughout my broken body.  I could not stand and just kept following the car as I laid across the hood.  Then I threw up my left arm, kind of like in an arc, so that it laid beside me.  There was not much left to my left hand and from seeing that and the overwhelming pain, I passed out.  I came to when the two idiots had drug me inside and dumped me on the counter.  The pain was unbearable, but I fought to not loose consciousness again.  Even though I pleaded with them to get me help, they refused.  I could see that they were not in their right minds and later learned that they confessed to "drinking and doing drugs for two day."  In essence they told me I was going to die but they would not let me die alone. 

They held me hostage for roughly forty-five minutes before a passer-by called the law and they could get there to get help for me.  I kept telling myself that I was going to live long enough to tell the authorities what they had done and kept fighting to hold onto life.  True to my thoughts, I gave the lawmen my story, while the EMT's were working on broken bones and tried to stop the bleeding.  Once inside the ambulance, I begged for pain killers, only to be told "no" since I had lost consciousness.  I hurt so bad and I was so tired, I quit answering their questions and closed my eyes.  I was ready to give up. 

It seemed as though time was standing still but at the same time going by real fast.  I don't know how, but slowly, I felt myself floating in total darkness.  The darkness brought me relief from pain and I could no longer feel my earthly body.  I floated in darkness that oddly felt comforting.  No sound, no light, but most of all no pain.  Thoughts of "this is death" came to me and yet it didn't matter.  I did not care about anyone or anything anymore.  I was welcoming the feeling.  Feelings that I had know as a human was replaced with an extreme nothing and still I was not concerned. 

Suddenly, flashes as if I was seeing my entire life caught in Kodak moments, zipped past my conscious being, inside me.  Faster and faster, they flew by, moments of my life.  I felt neither happiness or sadness as I watched.  Then they slowed down, until I felt like I was inside a casket looking up, at my own funeral.  I could see as if from that position and I saw in color, the image of my crying mother being held up by my father who looked so old and broken hearted.  Each had a hand on my daughter's shoulders.  Of my daughter, all I could see was from her nose up and eight little fingers holding onto the side of the casket.  She was crying uncontrollably and shouting, "Don't leave me Momma, Momma come back."  Over and over I heard her screaming through her tears. 

I did not talk with anyone, I don't recall feeling anyone's presence with me, but someone or something had showed me all this in a matter of a few earthly minutes.  In an instance, I felt like I was being given a choice.  I knew I was to go back and do whatever I had to do, because of my daughter and parents.  They needed me more than I needed to stay there without the pain. 

It felt like I was hit with a tremendous force, the feeling of being slammed back into my body, back onto the gurney, and back into this world.  Sounds of the female working on me saying, "Jim...what's the ETA?" and Jim's reply of "about five minutes" came from the front of the ambulance.  I heard her say, "We don't have five minutes."  There was something said about, blood pressure has bottomed out, before I opened my eyes and tried to smile at her.  She drew a deep breath and told me she thought they were loosing me and how I needed to keep talking and not sleep.  I can not remember much more after that, except the pain and many people working on me at the hospital.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I was dying, I know I was dying

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    At the end when the episode was winding down enough for me to start the experiencing part in the casket.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness           

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     There was nothing to hear during the experience.  It was total silence until I was back in my body.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            It was almost a non-feeling, as I looked at the pictures/scenes, but I felt such total need when I perceived my family attending my funeral.  I can't say I was blissful, maybe a great sadness, only like I needed to come back.  But I do know that I liked it there.  No worries, no burdens, no heaviness, no sadness, no despair, only contentment.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      I only felt myself rising or just being lifted upward, into total darkness.  I can not remember seeing any light except watching the scenes of my life experiences.

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      I don't recall seeing anyone, or anything, but just knowing that I was in the presence of something that was offering me a chance to return to my family.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     Yes, oh yes.  It was in the form of caught moments of different times in my life.  But they were coming so fast that I was unable to glen anything from them.  I only knew that they were about me.  Until they slowed and then it seemed that I experienced the funeral scene.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Uncertain      The distance between the store and the hospital was maybe about fifteen minutes travel time.  We had to cross over some rail-road tracks that jolted me once I was back and overheard the conversation between the EMTs, which laid maybe five minutes from the store.  So I know the whole thing did not last very long.  I am pretty sure I was not experiencing both events at the same time, because when I was in the presence of the unknown there was silence.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     It seemed as though I experienced so much in such a small length of earthly time.  Where my soul had traveled to knew nothing of time as we know time passing on earth.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            I don't think of this very often, but lately, I think of it a lot more than ever I did in the past.  I find myself saying out loud, I should know something.  There is something that I should have learned and know by now.  That's how I came across your site...I am looking to understand something from this experience...something I should have taken with me but somehow have misplaced or forgotten through all the pain, rehab and just plain doing my best to get my daughter raised.  I pushed it all to the back of my mind and kind of wrote it off as nonsense.  But it haunts me now.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     If I had chose to stay in the coffin, I feel like I would have progressed to the point of no return.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared my experience with my parents about six months later.  They smiled and said, "Isn't God grand.  He has been so good to us all."  They never said that I was foolish or looked at me any differently, nor did they question me past what I had told them that I had experienced.  It was a couple of years later, when my daughter was about thirteen years old when I told her about it.  She thought it was awesome and said she was glad that I had not left her.  I told her she was my inspiration throughout the whole recovery and I can say truthfully, she is the reason that I live today.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I had read some stories I believe in the Reader's Digest or some magizine, but the ones I had heard of always included seeing a light and meeting loved ones who had crossed over.  So unlike my experience.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was probably not real         Because I was aware that I was dying and that part of me wanted to die.  I was so tired of life in general.  Tired of the endless struggle and ignorant of my many blessings.  Maybe it was just a dream brought on by my excessive loss of blood...that I had generated to give me a reason to hold on and keep fighting.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    I am currently wrestling with what I should have learned from my NDE.  And maybe the only thing I took away was that I was not finished with whatever my task on earth was even if it was only to be a mother for my daughter.  I later dated and married a man with two young boys, ten and thirteen at that time, when my daughter reached twenty-one.  Until then she was my life and main concern.  It was a rough go for the past ten years, but finally my husband and I raised the boys to manhood and they are now on their own.  Maybe I learned the importance of being needed in their upbringing too.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            Things in my life have slowed down to a comfortable pace.  I find myself reflecting on my past and trying to come to grip with my perception of "God" and spirituality.  I study the bible and I try to live by the commandments only to find myself wanting much more.  In my reflections, I recall my very real experience where I hovered between life and death and wonder if I have done what I came here to do.  And I wonder if I forgot something important that I should have learned from the whole thing.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           No      

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes            It has forced me to search for more than what I was taught in the church and by my parents.  I still believe in God the Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost, but I have broadened my scope of life to listen to other people's beliefs and theories.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     I told the whole story, as I remember it in the best way I could.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?      I think that the questionnaire is more than adequate.