Sandra R's NDE

            There was the accident. While in the ER I could not be moved to ex-ray or given pain medication because (I was later told) they could not get my heart under control. I was a person who believed she had nothing to live for, so death would have been welcomed, although, never intentional. As I laid there, I began to feel very light. I felt as if I were floating on clouds, but not. I looked around and saw what appeared to be a sort of fog. It was the color of storm clouds, you know, some light, some dark, and soft. I looked down to see my hands, and they weren't there. Then I looked for my body, but it wasn't there either. I was there, but not there. The thing that stood out most to me at the time was how peaceful it all felt. There was no pain, or sorrow. No happiness, no sadness, no tears, no laughter, no hot, or cold, no anger, no nothing.

I later began to loving describe this as "a place of nothing". I don't know how long I floated, but it seemed a long time to me. So long that I became antsy. At one point I felt as if I were walking on a balance beam. The kind used in gymnastics, although I never saw it. I slid my feet along it for fear that if I picked up the right foot, or the left, somehow, it would determine what was to become of me...Heaven, or Hell. Screwy, I know. Finally, I came to the end of the beam and stood there in the fog and looked up toward Heaven and cried out, "Help me! Please help me! Either bring me back, or for pity's sake let me go but please don't leave me here.". The next thing I saw came quickly, like the next scene in a movie. I was sitting on the floor of a cave. It was pitch black behind me, and the floor was cold and damp...jagged granite. I could hear water trickling down the wall behind me. And in front of me there was an opening. I couldn't look directly at it because the light was shining through it so brightly.

As I sat there I looked at the spot where the light faded to an end, there was a man standing. He had his hand held out to me, and he spoke to me so softly that I really had to listen or I could have missed his words. He said, "Come, take my hand.". I remember giving a half hearted attempt at reaching him and realizing somehow that I couldn't feel anything from the waist down. He stood about 8 ft from where I sat, and I knew I couldn't reach him. So I began to cry and I said, "I can't reach you.". His voice got firmer as he in more of a demand than a request repeated, "Take my hand!". This time, I tried as hard as I could to stretch my upper body enough to reach him, but I lost my balance and fell to the floor and hit my face. Then I began to sob and I said, "I can't! I can't reach you, you've got to help me. Please help me!". Then he said, very calmly, "You've got to try. You must never stop trying.". The next thing I saw was a series of bright lights passing over head as I regained consciousness and they were rushing me to ex-ray.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      Not sure what this question means.  Need an i.e.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I think, probably while I was trying to converse with "the man"...who ever he was...

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I think, probably while I was trying to converse with "the man"...who ever he was...

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     The fog, I don't know how to describe it, but it was all around me, and the differences in contrast very obvious. The light was as bright and hard to look at as looking directly into the sun. I have, in everyday life, 0 depth perception, yet it was clear to me that the man I saw was 8 ft from me, and 10 ft from the opening where the light shone through. The walls ended approx. 3 ft behind me and 5 ft to my right, 2 ft to my left. I am near sighted, but things were acutely clear. Except for the man. I never saw his face because the light was shining on his back as he faced me. His silhouette was black, the edges of which were faded from the brightness behind him. I could see nearly the entire circle around me, except directly behind me, where it was the blackest black of night. Yes, I'd say my vision was quite clear.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I could hear the smallest whisper, which is normally hard for me. I have a hard time hearing anything said to me without facing the person talking to me and having their lips to read as well. I heard the change to harshness and then calmness as well. I hear the water trickling down the wall behind me in the darkness. And I heard the void of any other sound in the world.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            First, peace, calmness, I'd say a sort of blissfulness. Then I became anxious. A fear of bringing on my own fate, an unwillingness to make a choice. Fear also of being left in an in-between world. An emotional need to be able to touch that hand and take my life back. A feeling of worth, something to needed to do. Crying out of helplessness.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     The light was as bright as the summer sun, except it was clearly white, no yellow like the sun. It came in through the opening like a spotlight set on a mark. It did not light the whole room. It only brightened its own path. It reminded me of the way the sun's rays look when they pierce a cloud, only more compact.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     Where the light met the dark a man stood, inside the cave. I did not know this man, or if I did, I didn't recognize him. I could only see his silhouette. He was very tall was huge shoulders and big hands. He had long wavy, black hair. He asked me to take his hand. When I cried to him that I couldn't reach him he became more assertive and demanded I take his hand. When I yet could not reach him and hurt myself trying, he became calm and told me I had to try, I must never stop trying.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I don't know how long my experience lasted. It seemed as if it were a long, long time, although something told me it wasn't. Time has no meaning in that consciousness, or lack of said same...a day is as a 1000 yrs, a 1000 yrs as a day...I know I had the accident around 7:00pm and it was all night before I could be moved, but how long the actual event lasted, I just couldn't tell you. It seemed to me that the time spent in "the place of nothing" was an eternity, but once I'd made up my mind not to be there, everything speeded up. The encounter in the cave seemed as if it were a matter of seconds.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I consider my boundary being the cave and my inability to reach the hand I so desperately wanted to hold, along with my inability to move from where I sat, or walk into the light. Somehow, I believe that if I could have reached that hand, he would have led me through the opening into the light. This would have been eternal happiness. I believe I cried because I was sad that I had to go back and would not be allowed to walk in the light at that time.

Did you become aware of future events?       No
           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I am an empath. I can be in the middle of a clouded room and can feel what's going on inside people. I feel all kinds of things. I feel anger, and know exactly who it's directed at even if they're not near each other. I feel people's inner peace and joy, their embarrassment, their hurt feelings, their physical pain. I feel confusion, love, hate, fear, excitement. I can receive messages from miles away. Not that I can read minds, I can't. But I can sense when someone is thinking of me, and have on occasion even heard them talking to me and when I turn to answer them, they're not there.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     About a year. Some called me crazy and shrunk from me. The ones that think I'm crazy get angry just to know I've shared the story with someone else. Most believe it very strongly. Some cry, some get chills and rub their arms, some just listen with fascination and a smile, and lots of questions. Some even have experiences they share with me, and I get to listen with fascination. I couldn't really say for sure if I influenced anyone, or if so, how.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Uncertain            I suppose everyone has seen the television programs that are centered around the subject. They know that people "say" it exists, but have no real knowledge of it. That's about the extent of my "knowledge".

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I couldn't get it off my mind. I knew if I spoke of it people would think I was crazy. One thing that stood out was that in the cave I came to realize I couldn't feel my legs, (from waist down). When I awoke, it was true. I thank God feeling came back after 3 months. I had a peacefulness that had never existed before the experience. I had an urge to fight and fight I did. Every time I thought I couldn't do something, I heard those words echo in my brain..."You've got to try. You must never stop trying.". For me, nothing could ever compare to the reality of that experience. Nor will I ever forget one minute detail.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            Yes, meaningful! I think that I was shown that death is not to be feared, but to be looked forward to, when the time is right. Timing is everything. "The place of nothing" showed me the peaceful place that waits for each of us. I also learned from the man that if you want something bad enough, it's worth fighting for. You can't just give up because something is too difficult. Also, I heard "the voice of 'the man'" several months later while in a drug induced sleep, which led me into a new life that I never dreamed of before any of this happened. It caused me to walk away from a 24 yr abusive marriage and go 1500 miles to start over, away from that kind of life. God did not bring me back so I could continue to get beat up and abused. Meaningful? Significant? Yes, a place of blissful peace, and words of encouragement. I think above everything else, those 2 happenings were God's message to me that it was time to begin again.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I still believe that nothing so "real" could top that experience. A lot of "coincidences" happened in conjunction with the experience. One thing after the other have happened that make me know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what happened was, and still is a very "real" event in my life. It's very hard to believe that it happened 16 yrs ago. It seems like yesterday to me. As I said, it prompted me to leave my abusive husband. Gave me the courage to strike out on my own and to fight back. It made me to realize that God has a higher purpose for my life. For awhile, I was always in a hurry. I wanted everything right now. I have since learned that everything comes in it's own time and I must be patient. The voice I heard, I heard again, which led me into martial arts training and now I teach people how to stay calm and centered in the face of turmoil. I was led to my martial arts teacher by the voice that I heard while sleeping, which was the voice of the man in the cave. In going to this teacher was reunited with my 2 sons which I'd not seen in 17 yrs. They were there, where the teacher was. If anyone were to try to dispute this experience, I would have to laugh at them, because I know it happened, just as I said it did. My life alone is living proof of it.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I left my husband. I moved 1500 miles west and now for the first time, have real friends who love me and look up to me for guidence and understanding. I've made peace with my father after we disowned each other 27 yrs ago. Have come to know my sons and am very close to them. I know that death is a fact of life and could happen at any time, so I never miss my chance to pass out I love you's and hugs, which always takes my mom by surprise. I've got my life's relationships in order and will not be afraid when my time comes knocking again.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     I now believe that faith is within the individual. No one can tell someone else how to pray, or what to believe. That's God's job, and I believe he hears each of us, because he lives within each of us. I believe in the possibility of reincarnation, karma, the way of the universe. I believe in guardian angels as well as spirits. Many things have changed for me in that area, which drives my parents crazy since they are devout Christians. I can no longer agree with them however.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I don't know if one thing has anything to do with the other, but I have had dreams where I am sleeping in my bed, and watching myself sleep from above my bed. I seem very peaceful in my slumber.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     I think we covered all bases.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   None I can think of.