I won't
get in to the reasons I Drowned myself. Let's just say I had a lot of problems
at the time. It was in September
2002, I was with a couple
of friends at the beach. It was a spur of the moment decision. I'm going
for a swim, my friends thought I was doing just that," there goes crazy Rick
swimming with his clothes on" kind of thing. They had no clue.
I
recall swimming out past the waves the water was cold, really waking me up. I
then swam down as deep as I could go, But I got scared, and came back up. I
remember looking up at the sky and thought to myself "just do it". I then took a
deep breath swam down as deep as I could go, blew out all my air, and took a
deep breath. Because of the water pressure and intention my lungs filled up with
water like a vacuum.
It was
at that instant I no longer had any control, my body started convulsing guzzling
water trying to do what it could to stay alive, on its own. The experience was
painful but I kept repeating in my mind "this will be over in a minute..."over
and over to ignore the pain and anxiety of suffocating. I cant tell you how long
this went on for it seemed like a couple minutes. The pain reaches a point and
then shuts off. I was fully conscious but the pain receded. I was aware of my
heart beating extremely fast I could feel it trying to cling on.
That is
when I remember my body falling away. I didn't leave my body it just fell away
and I had the feeling I had lost a friend. It was a terrible feeling of loss and
I realized I was dead. But I'm still aware! I was very aware. I remember
thinking "I should be seeing a tunnel and some light" but I was more like
thought in space, completely alone in nothingness. so I waited and waited. Then
the reality of what I'd just done hit me." Am I going to be here in this place
forever! this abyss! what have I done! The fear was off the charts. We are not
supposed to take our own life. I was fully aware of what I had done and the
thought of being alone in that nothing forever was unbearable but what could I
do? It was too late.
Suddenly in the void, I heard a voice. a male voice and He said" Its o.k., It's
all right, It's all good." I went from total terror to total peace and
acceptance of my life and responsibility. I was no longer worried about
heaven or hell or my death This voice accepted me, and did not judge me. I in a
way had judged myself and clearly had an instant understanding of my life. and
how important it is to play our lives out to the end regardless of how hard it
is. and to get off of ourselves and to be in the company of each other to help
each other. That abyss was total separation from all. I was in the I AM.
After
Hearing the voice and receiving the understanding, I saw a green laser light
down low to the right, in the nothing. It was flat and wide in front of me
heading to the upper left. Its hard to describe. But as it got closer it
accelerated and I was on the beam of light going to the upper left.
I came
to in the ambulance and I cant tell you how surprised I was to be back! I found
out that a parasailer saw me floating face down and yelled down to the beach one
of my friends swam out and got me back to the beach he said I must of been gone
for at least 20 minutes. I was bloated purple. He lied to the paramedics about
the time frame for fear they wouldn't bother trying to resuscitate me. The
Oxnard fireman saved my life and my friend brought me back I am grateful. I
spent three days in the hospital. Doctors did a brain scan and found no
brain damage, which is amazing because after 6 minutes with no air I should have
been brain dead. I see life very different now.
Was the
kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Uncertain Words limit the experience
At the
time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Uncertain Im sorry, I don't Understand the question.
At what
time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and
alertness?
The concept of time is hard to place there. I was very alert the whole
experience.
How did
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare
to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your
highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different
from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:
The concept of time is hard to place there. I was very alert the whole
experience.
Did your
vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such
as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes Like being in space with no stars completely void.
Did your
hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect,
such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
No
Did you
experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What
emotions did you feel during the experience?
Unimaginable fear and loneliness. Then peace and acceptance.
Did you
pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
Uncertain
I was carried on a beam of flat green laser light.
Did you
see a light?
Yes It was like I was on the light, but I was part of the light.
Did you
meet or see any other beings?
Uncertain I heard an audible clear male voice. He said "Its o.k., it's all
right, its all good"
Did you
experience a review of past events in your life?
Uncertain It was more like an instant awareness of my whole life seen from
a different angle. as if I was my own parent in a way.
Did you
observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that
could be verified later?
No
Did you
see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
Uncertain The abyss
Did you
have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes There wasn't really time there. but I was afraid of being there forever
in the nothing.
Did you
have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes I Know that each of us has a more important role in the whole picture
than we can possibly imagine. You may not think about the cause and effect each
of us has on everything. Were held accountable to each other and ourselves.
Did you
reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
Uncertain I remember the feeling of loss when my physical body died like I
had lost a dear friend. At that point I was just Spirit and my body wasn't me at
all It was someone else or a companion not really me.
Did you
become aware of future events?
No
Did you
have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you
did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain I feel Im much more empathic.
Have
you shared this experience with others?
Yes I feel its one of the conditions of my getting a 2nd chance. But I only
tell people that I feel compelled to tell. or am supposed to tell. It is a
personal thing and some people telling them might be a good thing. others it
might not be my place to enlighten them.
Did you
have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
Yes I read books about the subject when I was Younger. I read a book life
after life, things like that. I was very analytical and aware. I actually had
expectations. But my experience was not what I expected at all.
How did
you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It was overwhelming at first, I had To pinch
myself to make sure I was back.
Were
there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
I no longer
smoke, drink or do drugs' a better man than I was, This place I came back to is
the same place but different because I am different. Were here to experience and
were all part of each other. From the same origin. Staying out of my own head
and making an effort to help someone else.
How do
you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real Sometimes I wonder if maybe I did
drown, they buried me had a funeral but I had to continue where I left off So in
the next reality I was resuscitated. here I am. Its an Indescribable feeling to
be dead know your dead and come back.
Have your
relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes
I appreciate
everyone so much more. I don't sweat the small stuff like I did. I'm way
more understanding or empathic than I was.
Have
your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
Im No longer
afraid of death, or hell, or being judged, or any of the fire and brimstone
stuff. In the end we judge ourselves We are our own judge and jury. God the
universe whatever we want to call it Loves us even when we hate ourselves.
Following the
experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or
substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
My life
is much better now. I was lucky.
Did the
questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes Its
Difficult to Explain on paper. Words get in the way of the experience.
