Rich B's NDE

Experience description: 

      I submitted a narrative form but it involved a light attracting feathery like entities towards it.   

After the surgery, I was angry at being revived but was able to spontaneously reconnect with where I had been and had a more in-depth experience.

The Experience: 

 My NDE in 1990 happened while in the hospital being treated for liver failure.   Fluid had accumulated in my abdomen and it was causing respiratory problems.  I had been in there a few weeks and had not responded to any of the treatment thus far.  The scans showed a mass that blocked the flow of fluid in the liver. 

     A procedure for draining the fluid was attempted.  It involved using a tube  inserted in my throat and putting me on a respirator to clear the lungs.  In addition a drain from the abdomen directly was also planned.  An anesthetic was administered and I drifted, floating in a silvery bath.  

    I heard someone say "hemorrhage" and then the illusion of the bath disintegrated into blackness.  All the pressure in my upper torso and head seemed to release and flow down and out of me.  I recall thinking, "This can't be really happening, it must be an hallucination." 

    There was a pinpoint of light in the distance and I was attracted to it.  It was very comfortable where I was and it felt better the closer I drew to the light.  I began to perceive some activity around the light and was curious about it. 

     Suddenly, I was yanked back from the light and I was confused about what was

happening now.  There was another yank and I heard someone say "One hundred jewels". 

    I was confused again.  Then it happened once more and I heard "One hundred ten jewels".  I had worked with high powered lasers and their energy is measured in "Joules", so I thought they might be using lasers. 

    The feeling was like being pulled up through the center of the earth back to the surface.

That was the only tunnel-like experience I had and it was not pleasant. 

    Now I was back in my body but I couldn't move or feel anything, only hear.

An injection of "Atropine" was administered then "Sodium Carbonate".  These revived my body further.  I could sense activity restoring cells to life throughout my body.  I had learned in the military that Atropine was used  as an antidote for nerve gas but I was confused as to why it was used on me.  It is used as a heart stimulant and for the respiratory problems. 

  I came to later back in my bed angry that I had been so close and had been saved.  There was still a sense of connection with that wonderful place I had just been and I took a risk and initiated a reconnection. 

    This time I was challenged to make an accounting of myself before I could proceed.  I was defiant and angry and only wanted oblivion.  In spite of this I was then given a choice of what my future existence would be.  I chose to return and complete any unfinished business I still had with those dependent on me (my family mostly). 

    As this was considered a worthwhile task I was guided toward the light by one of the feathery entities that were active around the light.  Some sort of healing process then took place and I returned to my body feeling both wonderful and sad at having to let go of that love and acceptance in the light. 

    Next to my bed was one of those machines with the paddles that are used to revive cardiac arrests.  I pulled the monitors and IV's out of me and started to leave the hospital to tell everyone the wonderful news.  I got as far as the main lobby on the first floor before a guard stopped me and I was returned to my room.  

Afterwards: 

     The cause of my liver problems had been acute alcoholism.  As a result of the experience the addiction to alcohol was gone.  I was almost catatonic but I could sense what was happening around me, unable to respond.  Sometime shortly afterwards a nurse came over to me and said "Usually, there's some sort of message when this happens." 

     Somehow, the liver began to function from that point on.  The hospital staff was somewhat daunted by my recovery and didn't dare any further treatment.  They did perform a biopsy to determine if the mass that blocked the liver was malignant but  the results were negative, no cancer, no cirrhosis scarring.  The cause of the blockage had mysteriously vanished. 

     Months later, after asking my doctor about it, he said that several people at the hospital were asking about my health and he said "You're a very, very lucky man and there's no brain damage." 

    I have some memories, not associated with the core experience of the light and feathery entities, of being instructed or prepared for my return.  I knew there would be difficulties but just knowing a little about them gave me the faith to prevail.

Depending on what choices I made, the overall directions my life could take were outlined. 

     Just to validate my experience, a few details came back with me.  One was that Michael Landon  would die of the same condition I had been saved from.  About a year later his condition was made public and later he passed.  Another was something concerning the Kennedys and there was indeed a scandal shortly afterwards, but they are so controversial that's not much of a prediction.

The fluid was never  

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  There were two parts to the experience, one during surgery, one after.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  This type of experience/understanding transcends language.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I was on a respirator for a surgical procedure. 

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  During surgery, under anesthesia.  Afterwards, I'm not sure.  My condition was very low.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I was floating, the other entities appeared to be feathery and I presume I was the same.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Well being, acceptance.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  NO 

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  The tunnel experience was on my return.  The initial part was very fast. 

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  A pinpoint at first, it grew and resolved into a warm glow attracting feathery entities towards it. 

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  Feathery entities that helped each other towards the light.  As the filaments of the feathers responded to the flow of warmth from the light vibrations transferred from one to another accelerated the motion of both. 

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  One of these feathery entities transferred vibrations to me that were to be a form of values I would need to live by in my future life. 

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  Michael Landon's similar condition.   

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  Only the attracting light. 

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  Time or duration does not exist in that state. 

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  It consists of things we all "know" deep inside.  We are just too focused in the reality we experience every day to access this knowledge. 

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  I was challenged to offer some wisdom I learned from my life. 

Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  Several scenarios of how my life could develop were given to me.  Apparently, I have the choice of which one to follow. 

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  I was given a choice of how I wanted to participate in the universe.  I decided that there were too many loose ends regarding my past life to just leave it, so I opted to return to clear those up. 

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I felt I did at first.  Being a skeptic, I minimized and ignored those thoughts till they went away. I don't think I could manage my life by giving that sort of thing much acknowledgement. 

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I developed a more positive attitude towards life.  I began to participate more fully in whatever enterprise I felt I could contribute to.  I became ready to put more of myself into life rather than trying just to get as much out of life as I could. 

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I'm less attached to people these days.  I avoid personal entanglements.  Got divorced and squared things with my kids.

No church.

I have a better professional life. 

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Besides IANDS folks, I only tell those who seem to need to know about this sort of thing to deal with some current crisis or difficulty they are having. 

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  A major depression.  I took anti-depressants for about 4 years.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Best:  Letting go of fear. 

Worst:  Seeing how folks are wasting there efforts and energy on things that are not that important.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I composed an image on my computer to describe my experience of the light.  It has been printed in "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Near-Death Experiences" by PMH Atwater and David Morgan. 

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  No more drinking or other unhealthy lifestyles and I've resolved emotional conflicts that plagued my pre-NDE life. 

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No 

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  No

      Explain:  It's impossible to capture the total meaning of these experiences in this form or even a narrative one.