Experience description:
I had a tonsil infection with a fever
of 42º Celsius and I was in a coma. I remember that I witnessed the whole
process from some place on the ceiling of the room and I saw my uncle, who
was a pediatrician, kneeling at the head of the bed crying while he stroked
my forehead with his hand. I knew that the body in the bed was mine but I
felt completely indifferent towards it as if it did not belong to me. My
maternal grandparents were at the foot of the bed crying, their bodies
reflected in the mirror over the chest of drawers behind them. My
grandmother was dressed in a black dress embroidered with jet black stones
and lace on the front. I liked that dress very much. My father came in,
also a physician, dressed in one of those light gray suites of the 1940s,
with big lapels that were crossed and belted with the same material. He was
saying he was going to Tui on the border with Portugal because some of his
colleagues from Oporto were going to give him some medicine that could cure
me. My grandfather strongly insisted that he go in the car driven by the
chauffeur because he couldn't go alone in his own car because of all the
worry he had. I heard my mother crying in the distance and the voice of my
aunt who I now think was undoubtedly consoling her.
Afterwards I remember that I found
myself in a state of total freedom and happiness, surrounded by an infinite
Love that I don't know how to describe. There are no words. I only know
that my body was not at all important to me. I didn't even look at it. But
all of a sudden someone was wetting my lips trying to give me water and I
choked. Then they sat me up in bed and I screamed at them to leave me in
peace. I knew that they wanted to make me return. I shouted "No, I don't
want to! My body hurts! If you don't love me why do I have to return? I
don't want to. My body hurts!" But they didn't hear me and someone gave me
a hard slap on my back between my shoulder blades destroying my wings.
I opened my eyes and they gave me
penicillin that cured the infection but they had deprived me of my wings..
I recently underwent regression
therapy during which I was able to remember the circumstances that had
caused me to get sick and I understood that my mother loved me even though
she would have preferred that I had been the "longed for" son after having
two daughters. I also learned that I was hyperactive and was constantly
worrying my mother because of my physical strength which made her lose
patience sometimes. I found out that when my brother was born my
grandparents offered to take care of me at their house where I got sick so
that my mother could take care of the baby without having me around to play
pranks everywhere. But I have always lived with the memory of having wings
and of this infinite fullness of Love and freedom.
After all I have read about these
experiences, I realize that children who have them experience them in a much
more simple way, as I did, because they are still without prejudices and
cultural points of reference like adults have. One of the problems children
may have who have had this experience and remember it is that no one
believes them. And this is compounded by the feeling that "my body hurts"
but that it also hurts internally, mentally, since after having this
experience one remains enormously lucid and aware and it takes a lot of
energy to live surrounded by contradictions or by lies and deceptions. One
feels like a fish out of water, like living as a Martian during your whole
life.
Was the kind of experience difficult
to express in words?
Yes I was too small to assimilate the experience and to be able to
understand it and tell about it although it has impacted my whole life
because I have never been able to forget it.
At the time of this experience, was
there an associated life threatening event?
No
At what time during the experience
were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?
The whole time until they slapped me on the back and I returned.
How did your highest level of
consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal
every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness
and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day
consciousness and alertness, please explain:
I am just now analyzing this because of your question. My body and mind
were only 5 years old but my state of consciousness...I don't know how to
describe it...had nothing to do with this fact. It was "total," a state of
of such freedom and clarity that I don't know how to explain it with words.
Did your vision differ in any way from
your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of
vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
No
Did your hearing differ in any way
from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability
to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
No
What emotions did you feel during the
experience? Absolute
freedom, love and happiness
Did you see a light?
Yes I was IN the light. I was IN the Love. I WAS freedom and happiness.
Did you observe or hear anything
regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified
later? Yes The fact
that my father was given the penicillin by his colleagues in Oporto, and the
fact that my uncle, my pediatrician, cried out of helplessness.
Did you see or visit any beautiful or
otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?
Yes The thing is "I existed," my "being existed" but not in any place.
It's that I myself "was," "existed" in an infinite fullness. Is that what
heaven is? If so, heaven is within each of us.
Did you have any sense of altered
space or time?
Uncertain A 5 year old child does not perceive these things. He still
has to learn about them, no?
Did you have a sense of knowing
special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes The experience gave me a sensitivity or clarity to perceive the
feelings and intentions of others and I believe that now, at age 64, I have
almost learned the answers to the all the questions I have asked myself
during my whole life because nobody knew the answers.
Did you become aware of future events?
Yes At times such things happen to me, ever since I was a child, but
since they were frightening and were strange, I have blocked out a lot of
them.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal
or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to
the experience? Yes
Have you shared this experience with
others? Yes
Regression therapy helped me because I was once in psychotherapy and when I
came to this experience from my childhood the psychiatrist interpreted it
as "running from reality," which it actually was, but this alone was not
helpful to me. But of course I lacked courage to tell the therapist
everything because I didn't want him to say I was really mentally ill and I
had to take drugs so as not to see visions. I don't know if I'm explaining
myself well.
Did you have any knowledge of near
death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
How did you view the reality of your
experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:
Experience was definitely real I incorporated the experience
within my physical "reality" without any problem afterwards because I was 5
and half years old and more than once I frightened my mother because I
started running without looking where I was going because I was convinced I
was flying and that my feet didn't touch the ground until I was rudely
awakened by a rock that made me trip and fall to the ground. I'm still
having such experiences.
Were there one or several parts of the
experience especially meaningful or significant to you?
The point when they made me return when I didn't want to.
How do you currently view the reality
of your experience:
Experience was definitely real Despite the fact that I have suffered
after having the experience, at this point I have incorporated it completely
in my life and now have no fear of death. I have never feared death. I
have even desired death and I know that I am something more than my physical
body and that I am immortal.
Following the experience, have you had
any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced
any part of the experience?
Yes Listening to music or in that twilight state while taking a nap.
Is there anything else you would like
to add concerning the experience?
I would like to meet other people like me. I have always felt very much
alone...how shall I say it?...mentally, philosophically, relationship wise.
Perhaps spiritually.
Did the questions asked and
information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your
experience?
Uncertain The problem is that the questions are made for adult
experiences. I have always received a lot of attention by others for the
extraordinary memory I have of my childhood since practically nobody
remembers before age 7 or 8. But the experience marked me in such a way
that I didn't forget it. Because of having it at age 5 and a half I also
have many memories of other things that happened.
Please offer any suggestions you may
have to improve this questionnaire: Are there any other questions we could
ask to help you communicate your experience?
For me it has been extraordinary to find this questionnaire since these
kinds of studies only take place in English speaking countries. A friend of
mine who became my friend because of a prize I won for stories related to
death is the one who put me in contact with you. She was in pain because
of the death of her brother and now we interact by email. I shows me once
again that there is no such thing as "accidents."
