Peter R's NDE

Experience description: 

The negative experiences (3)occurred in mid '87, & within a 3 month period.

#1: I had been living hard, & strained my heart to such a degree that it finally gave out. I felt difficulty breathing, & lay on the floor of my flat. I then felt an incredible pain, the like of which I had never experienced before. It was so severe, I reached for a knife to kill myself to get away from the pain. It felt like a steel band was tightened around my chest to such an extent, that I was crushed. I thought of crawling downstairs to a young girl that lived there to get help, but I KNEW I would not make it, & if somehow I did, I would die in front of her. I considered the effect my gruesome death would have on her, & [she was 21] thought it best to stay where I was & let nature take it's course. [ I had wet myself, & my nose & eyes were running] I then felt a curious detachment to what was happening, & I lost ALL sensation in my physical body. My hearing CEASED TO BE, & I could no longer move or focus my eyes, but I could still see.

Then I was outside my body. I don't know how, I was just outside it. I was standing up, & there was a spirit waiting for me. I glanced behind me, & I saw a body lying on the floor. I was about to say to the spirit; hold on, there's someone on the floor... but the thought came out like a shout, & I realized that the body was me. I turned back to the Spirit realizing that I had died.

The Spirit said [by thought] "it was your fault that you died, because you were not looking after yourself. That is considered a form of suicide, and there is a penalty that must be paid." A screen appeared far in front of me, depicting the negative aspects of my character in HUMAN FORMS. They became animated & started to attack me. I was kicked & punched. I felt the pain of each contact. Curiously, I felt no need to defend myself or fight off my attackers.  They then moved backwards as though they were on rewind & got back onto the screen as they were before they animated.

The Spirit then communicated; "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE ARE THE PERSONAL PROPERTY OF GOD"  All this took place in a black void. There was nothing there. All negative aspects of my nature were magnified far more than what they are here in the physical realm. There was/is NO ESCAPING FROM MYSELF. I was then somehow put back in my body, & gradually began to pull myself together. It was not until many years later that I realized that I was given another chance to continue because I had put a young girl's welfare ahead of my own, even though I was dying.

#2: My heart & lungs gave out again  & I went through very much the same physical reactions as the first experience. I knew I was going into that black void again, & I prayed; I won't ask for mercy or anything like that, all I have to say is that I am not FULLY RESPONSIBLE for the  mental & emotional state that I am in. That was enough to allow the dying process to be reversed.

#3: Heart/lung failure again. I went into the black void. I was in a hell of my own making. I was emotionally & mentally (?) 'damned'. I had no choice but to face up to myself and knew I was doomed to stay where I was until I did, & made an effort to get my thinking & living straight. All the experiences had a timelessness about them, & if 2 seconds pass here in the physical, an 'eternity'  is there. I hope I have made myself reasonably clear. I cannot prove what I experienced, as it always remains subjective for the experiencer.  Even if I could prove with medical records all illnesses, it still won't prove the actual out of body experiences. I know this will be of help to some people out there. We all go somewhere after leaving the physical.

I wish you all the best. This site is very much appreciated. Peter Russell. Feel free to put my email up for all. peterrussell264@msn.com

 Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I was using amphetamines.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Heart/Lung failure

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  close to human perception, but higher

Was the experience dream like in any way?  no

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Uncertain

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I was in my body one moment, then out. I felt no transition going in or out.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Intense sadness & fear

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  no

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  That Spirit that was sent to help me, and those animated aspects of my character, although I think they were simply me turning against me to teach me a lesson.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I knew what effect my death would have had on the young lady downstairs, almost as though I experienced her mental & emotional state before & after my death. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  that black void of nothingness.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  time as always, (in the spiritual realms) was the ever present now.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I knew without being told what is important in life. (love yourself, because that is an indication on how well you can love others.)

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I have no doubt that what abilities I had increased following the experience.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  The Spirit only wanted to know how well I loved myself, because that plays a major part in how well I love others.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I am less judgmental regarding people. I consider employment a public service first, and a means to my personal ends second. (not as easy as it sounds!!)

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Disbelief & pity. Often scorn from self proclaimed spiritual/christian etc. people.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  sadness & shock

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Worst; I learnt that there is an alternative NEGATIVE reality

Best; I learnt that we DO GET MULTIPLE CHANCES TO HELP OURSELVES when we have enormous problems to cope with.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  If I could somehow prove it, I would do everything within my means to do it.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I learnt that we are supposed to be responsible for ourselves & each other, because what we do to ourselves & each other is ACTUALLY FELT BY THE CREATOR.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  None. I sincerely hope that I have been of some benefit to someone. (actually, I know I have, because a lot of people are ashamed to admit that they were/are so dysfunctional that their NDE was negative). In actual fact, it is these people who have a responsibility to tell others what could befall others if they persist in destructive behavior. They are actually BEACONS showing the way to the truth.