Pat P's NDE 3197

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

            My first NDE (accidentally, I have had a couple) occurred when I was a child of seven. I did not go through a tunnel. I was vaulted into the sky. I had been ill most of my childhood with strep throat and tonsillitis. That was back in the 1950's when doctors were using large injections of penicillin. As a result of receiving far too many shots, my body developed a resistance and finally went into anaphylactic shock. My temperature went off the scale of the thermometer. Over 108 degrees.

When that happened, "I" went up into the sky. I had been feeling quite awful, lying on the couch at home when suddenly I found myself in the sky. I didn't question the fact that I was there. I just enjoyed it with the delight of any child. I found I could make any kind of movement I pleased and had no restrictions. I still had a sense of a body, but I could freely twist and turn any direction I choose. I was doing barrel rolls and big swoop turns, sky dancing. I came to a place of opalescent color all over the clouds. It was wonderfully pretty. Gold, lemon yellow, rose, orange, lime green, sparkling like pearlesence. Then a being came up to me and I must confess, in retrospect, that it looked exactly like the image of the father god I had been taught in school, but at the time I didn't think it was God nor know who it was. That's just what he looked like. He came up to me and in a kind of mind to mind transference of thought he rather shouted into my mind, "WHAT are you doing HERE NOW!?"

I stopped like I had been collared by the principal at school and wondered how this man knew who I was because I had never seen him before in my life. He was waiting for an answer so, in pure child fashion I replied, "I don't know." And, I didn't. I had no idea how I had gotten there. I hadn't even thought about it. I was just having fun. Then he got real concerned and said, "You're not supposed to be here yet. You better go back down right now." Fortunately for me I was a well behaved child and it didn't occur to me to do otherwise and the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes to see, of all things, the face of the family doctor pulling away from with his hands flailing and an expression of pure shock as if he were scared out of his wits. (Maybe I should try to paint that some day) He must have thought I was dead and was trying to figure out what to say to my mother when I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was really, honestly, scared. 

I haven't told the experience to very many people (until now). It seemed too personal and not exactly the kind of thing one would relate in casual conversation. Usually I mention it to people who are fearful of death or who have lost a loved one. I tell them about it because I really do believe there is a place we go to. It sure felt like it to me. And, the thing that really makes me think the materialist analytics are wrong when they say that these experiences are only physical and have no other basis is that the person I met was a complete stranger to me and I was really stunned that he knew who I was. I didn't think it was god. But, in my memory I have to admit that he looked like the image people make of the old father god. The thing is, however, in the midst of the experience I didn't put that together. I just wondered how the heck he knew who I was and I wondered who in the world he was because I had never met him before. Anyway, that was when I was a child. 

Later in life, I must admit to being quite stupid. "Out of your cotton pickin' mind!" one acquaintance has said regarding a second accidental near death experience. 

I have a friend who is a doctor and back in the early '80's he was into this idea of "exercising the autonomic nervous system". I won't tell you what we did because I don't want to give any kids stupid ideas of things to try that are potentially fatal. The end result of my particular foolhardy exercise was to go into hypothermia. Convulsions, the works. It was pretty darn awful. At the start of it, when my body began shaking uncontrollably, I felt a serious sense of nausea overwhelming me and the thought went through my mind, "Oh, this doesn't feel very good at all." The next instant I was face to face with infinity. A huge ball of light, out of which came god zillion number of the finest red filaments, like laser lights shooting out to every single atom in the universe, and, what's more from every single atom to every single other atom all interconnected entirely to each other and back again to the source. My poor brain could hardly fathom it. It was huge. It was immense. It was beyond belief. To look at it felt like 10,000 lightening bolts were exploding all at once in my brain. It hurt. I screamed, "STOP! You're breaking my mind to pieces!" The image softened and then turned into something I could look at. (A few years later I saw something that looked like it in China Town. It was called the Chinese God of Destruction. It very nearly destroyed me!) 

Then everything went black and I could feel myself lying on the ground. The horrible shaking had stopped but I had a sickening sense that all the energy that was "me", all of my "life force" or what ever you might call it was draining out through my stomach. I thought, "I'm dying." I didn't want to die there. It was stupid. I was stupid. People would get into trouble because of it. I had things to do. I pulled back on the energy. I sucked back with all of my will power and pulled it all back into myself and held on to it. Then I realized that I had to stay awake. That I couldn't pass out or go to sleep because then the energy might slip out again and "I" wouldn't be there to pull it back in again. Oh, let me tell you, for 10 hours I kept myself awake until all the symptoms subsided. Excruciating head ache. Terrible nausea. A feeling of nearly passing out at any moment. Holding on by my fingernails, so to speak. There were no doctors where I was. There was no one to look after me. I had to simply stay conscious. And, I did. Finally, the symptoms began to wear off. I began to feel semi normal. I think "solid" would be a good word for it, and, I decided that I could safely go to sleep. 

I wrote to my friend and described what had happened; that I had felt like I was dying. He wrote back that what I described was classic hypothermia and it is usually fatal. He said, regarding my sense of dying, "You probably were." 

From these two near death experiences I have learned a couple of things. From the first, in good child form, I got the impression that there were lessons I needed to learn and that if I learned them quickly, I could play the rest of my life. It seemed that there was a certain amount of time allotted to this lesson learning and if I was astute, I could get through it and then play. (I do not believe I have been very good at the lessons.  However, quite a few folks have said that it looks a lot like I'm playing all the time these days.  Who knows, maybe I am?) 

From the second experience I got the impression that we are baby beings in the universe. That our bodies are sheaths for our consciousness. They protect us from perceiving "All That Is". We have five senses and they are dampers on our perceptions. Giving us only the amount of information that we are able to assimilate and react to. I am very grateful for that. 

As a result, I paint clouds. And other things too. I have just begun a series of landscape paintings and am working to capture an essential "Light". It's an intellectual/emotional thing; paths (on the path) bathed in sunlight. Intense sunlight. On the Path Toward the Light, Archangels, thresholds and doorways.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes            Anaphylactic Shock due to allergic reaction to penicillin.  Temperature went off the scale of the thermometer, more than 108 degrees. 

Second experience:  hypothermic shock and convulsions.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    The entire experience (both).

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness

            The entire experience (both).

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I would almost answer 'no', except that when I tried to paint the memory of the vision I was stunned by the flatness of brilliant red paint compared to the intensity of the light I remembered.  I had to laugh because the paint really looked like just paint and it lacked the vibrancy and intensity of light that the "Light" had.  Of course, that's a big "duh!" because how could paint ever be the same as light?  For me, the aesthetically visceral reaction of being able to compare and recognize the reality of it was quite intriguing. I was enraptured with the light and color.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     Telepathic communication.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Childhood:  Wondrous delight and joyful abandon at being in the sky.  Surprise at being recognized by someone I did not know. Obedient in going back down.  Curiosity at the look of the doctor's face drawing away from me with a look of pure terror on his face. 

Adult:  Amazement. Wonder. Overwhelmed with information (is there a word for that?) Begging for relief from being overwhelmed (what do you call that emotion?) Strength of will to hold on to life.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No       I had no tunnel experience for either NDE.

Did you see a light?           Yes     Childhood:  The entire atmosphere was will with colored light 

Adult:  All of existent matter connected to a huge sphere of pure white light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     Childhood:  I did not know the being.  "He" looked, in retrospect, just like a Biblical image of God (but I didn't think that at the time.  I just wondered who he was, how did he know me and felt that he was "in charge" like the school principal) 

Adult:  The ball of white light was pure consciousness.  It softened into an image of the head of a God with blue lighting in its forehead.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     Childhood:  The Tibetan Dharmadatu. 

Adult:  ? The sphere of pure intelligent existence to which all matter is connected (where or what place would you call that?)

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Dancing in the sky would qualify as an altered space.  In both experiences time/consciousness flowed at the same rate as in ordinary reality. 

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Childhood:  There were lessons I still needed to learn and it was not yet time for me to be there.  There is a specific amount of time we are allotted on earth and if we get through our lessons quickly, we can play with the rest of the time we have. 

Adult:  We are baby beings and our physical bodies act as dampers to the perception of "All That Is" so that we may have time to gestate and grow.  As baby celestial consciousnesses the earth acts as our incubator.  Although we feel like we are adults, we are babies in the cosmos.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     The angelic principal was himself a boundary and he sent me back saying it wasn't time for me to be there yet and that I still had lessons to learn on earth. 

This is an interesting note:  In indigenous cultures an NDE experiencer is trained as a shaman.  Even though there is no such training in western cultures, there is an openness or ability to converse with realms beyond the five senses.  The veil is thinned.  When my father died I heard him calling for help.  He did not believe there was anything after life.  I did more than one trance journey to assist his soul.  For the last one I used a Tibetan chant for conscious transcendence through the after death bardo and used a technique of directed dreaming to find him 'on the other side' to be sure he was now okay.  I did find him.  He was sitting with a group of friends in a circle bathed in golden light.  As I approached he lifted his head to see me with a look of question in his eyes as if to say, "What are you doing here?"  At which point I was collared by two purple robed guardians who escorted me across a Grand Canyon-like chiasm saying, in no uncertain terms, "The living are not allowed on this side."  I cannot try it again or they would get very angry with me.  But, I do not have to because I saw that my father is okay and I can beam love to him any time I want.  There's no law against that.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     Empathic clairsentience.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     First experience:  20 years.  I heard about IANDS and called them to talk about the childhood experience.  Otherwise I would not speak of it because people wouldn't believe it.  One man said, "I don't believe you."  I said, "I don't care if you believe me or not, it happened.  That's all that matters to me."  I do share it openly with people who are grieving or afraid of death. Their faces all look dubious.  I can understand that.  If you have never seen nor tasted an apple, you would have to take my word for the existence of such a thing and believe or not believe, but you could not have the experience of the apple without tasting it yourself.  My art work is an attempt to render the visual/emotional effects see: http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/nuhredalma/nde.html

also, take a look at http://www.patpreble.com in the middle of the page is a rendering of the Clear Light.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes            "No" for childhood. 

"Yes" for adulthood (because I'd had one in childhood and had talked extensively with the folks at IANDS.)

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    In childhood I just took it for granted.  My mother insisted on calling it "My Dream."  That annoyed me. 

Adulthood.  I feel a sense of reverence and wonder at what I have witnessed and feel very small in the knowledge that there is so much that I do not know.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            That we are baby beings as an eye opener.  Seeing everything connected by laser light filaments makes me wonder about the question of synchronous movement between photons mentioned in quantum physics and how they can't figure out how that can be.  The idea, "We are all connected" takes on a really deep meaning when you see it.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    My view of the experience is unaltered.  In childhood I just took it for granted.  My mother insisted on calling it "My Dream."  That annoyed me.