When I was nine I had chicken pox.  Some of the bumps developed boils.  My Mom tells me my face got puffy.  I used to play hard out of doors, pretending I was a horse.  One day I felt like I was going out of my head.  I knew something was wrong. 

My mother thinks I remained at home first.  She tell me I went to the hospital for a week.  The experience happened when I was in the hospital.  I do not recall anything about the days after feeling like I was fading, until the experience in the hospital. 

I found myself in an ethereal place of light.  Safe.  Not warm, nor cold, just safe.  I am not in my body and down there in a little circle in this place but not of this place there is the world with color and my mother and the doctor faces are in the little circle, looking at me, so worried.  I feel immense love and compassion for my Mother who suffers and looks like she is losing me.  The doctor looks as if in pain.  Even though I am above them I can see their faces looking at me.  I absolutely know what is going on.

I am suspended in the light for a while.  I know I could chose where to be.  I chose to be with my Mom.

My Mom and the Doctor thought they almost lost me. 

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I had nephritis.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Of another world.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No, it was real, no dream.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I am bathed in light that is alive.  It is beyond description in words.  I got out of my body.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Love, a radiating love, and love for my mother.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  There is no sound.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  Uncertain

      Describe:  No specific light, everything is light, including me.  I am of this light, out of my body.  The only place is this little circle down below in the corner, kind of as if it is my peripheral vision.  Where my mother an doctor were was separate from where I was.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Uncertain

      Describe:  My mother tells me she and the doctor thought they nearly lost me.  I know this, and I know I knew this when I was in the light.  From where I was I could feel how they felt.  Before and after the experience I have no memory of anything.  The experience itself and the little circle where my Mom and the doctor were is crystal clear. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  The place of this whitish light is beyond words.  The light is alive there.  I am okay there.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  There is something immense about this place.  The world where my mother and doctor are is very small and has boundaries.  This place has none.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I returned, knowing death isn't scary.  I developed an immense love for Native people and seemed to have a sense of purpose and knowledge of Native peoples.  This is difficult to explain. 

I was confined to bed for six months and I wasn't allowed to play much for over a year.  The kids at school teased me horribly.  I became a troubled teen.  My Mom took me to a psychologist.  I think my Mom had problems, too.  The psychologist told me my Mom had problems because of me.  This impacted me.  I tried to hide parts of myself. 

I went through a crazy period in my teens.  I put all of my pain and hurt into music and sang solos with the choir, etc. 

I think I knew about things other people couldn't understand. 

I know there is purpose in being here, and every day it comes to me as per what is in front of me.  I am very sensitive to people.

My middle brother became lost after taking LSD.  I knew how to bring him back.  I don't know how I knew, it just comes to me.  That is because of my experience.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  I myself consciously decided to go back.  I could have stayed there.  I can still see inside me the qualities of that place, the living light.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I feel things others do not.  I think that is why my family thought there was something wrong with me.  I thought I had to hide something about myself.  I turned my life force inward and became emotionally ill.  The only way out of my illness was to go on a quest.  I went alone to South America.  I followed my heart in doing this.  The means presented themselves to me.  Three months later I returned, and my leaving emotional illness behind.  The journey reinforced my sense of purpose, and I have been on purpose ever since.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  The answers are all in side me.  There is no fear of death.  I am comfortable with it.  I exercised racehorses for a long time.  Although I knew fear when I did that, I also knew death rode on my shoulder with me.  I became fascinated with the teachings of the Yaqui Indian, Don Juan, and how death rides on one's shoulder.  I am comfortable with Death there.  I do not challenge Death, I just know it is part of being in this Life.  There is something about me that is very giving, to everything I do in this Life.  It is about service and love.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  Maybe I answered some of that above.  I followed my heart in my career choices and I still do.  I am an amazing 53 year old.  I am going for a new career.  Any career is something I MUST connect with.  Even in trucking I experienced this.  An experience with an Apache Indian and the big truck I drove confirms how I am about everything I do. 

Relationships have been a challenge...  Some of my experiences were deep and painful, and they inspire me to be a healer.  I am fascinated by energy of relating and communicating.  I have something to do yet in being a healer as an elder. 

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I finally told my Mom.  My Father is near Death.  I seem able to make friends with other NDE people.  We have these things in common:  sensitivity, purpose, integrity, no fear of death, spirituality, love of others.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Sadness and pain, no one understood me.  I was 9, and couldn't be like the other kids, I was so young.  Wayne Muller wrote a book, "Legacy of the Heart, the Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood."  This book helps me to understand what I went through.  Through all the trails and challenges of life, I have this amazing response.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best is my sense of purpose and how to connect with others.  I even have a feel for inanimate objects.  Native peoples understand this.  The worst part is that I was the Stranger in a Strange Land.  In the long run, I am deeper and stronger because of everything.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  This sense of being guided, on purpose, following my heart, doing what is in front of me.  The answers are all there.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  In South America in the ancient Inca ruins of Macchu Picchu, something happened to me.  Afterwards I felt stronger in myself, having reconnected something that seemed to be missing because of the peer abuse I suffered.  Also I had an experience in San Francisco.  Both experiences were when I was in my twenties.   At these two times and other times I experimented with substances.  I carefully chose the places and times, I knew this to be important for me.  Like Ram Das says about phone message machines, once I got the message, I did not need to keep replaying it.  I evermore study and learn new things, new ways of being, communicating, etc.  Everything just reinforces something inside of and beyond me.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  I wrote an email last night about my terminally ill father and my family.  I appreciate Dr. Jeff's reply.  For some reason last night as I explored your website I wept buckets!  I think it is partly because of my family and partly like a homecoming, finding this website.  It is familiar to me, the words here.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  I suppose these are all very individual experiences.  If you have anything else to ask after you read this, please do!