Nellie L's NDE

Experience description: 

I had pre-eclampsia before a C-section and 24 hours after delivery I had an eclamptic convulsion that was so severe my heart stopped.

All I remember of the seizure was feeling cold.  It was as though a blanket of snow had been unrolled over me beginning at my toes.  When it hit my chest, my spirit floated up and out of my body.  I could see the ceiling tiles coming closer, and I heard someone shouting out into the hallway of my room.  I looked down and saw my body lying on the bed and knew it was dead.  I experienced a moment of regret, because it was a good body and I had been fond of it, but it was no more than the regret a person would feel at seeing a beautiful purebred dog lying dead beside the highway.  Two nurses and a doctor rushed in and began CPR and I remember thinking why waste all that time and effort? I was done and I was ready to move on.

I turned my attention upward again and I floated through the ceiling and the plenum and into the attic.  I saw the roof trusses, air ducts, conduits, insulation, etc. in extreme detail.  But when I passed through the roof and should have been outside, I was instead in a darkness so deep and dense it was almost physically palpable.  This darkness was pierced by a straight beam of light that originated way above me and slightly to the left (this would have been to the west-southwest and about 80 degrees elevation).  It was blue-white and extremely bright but very beautiful and not at all unpleasant to look at.  Then I accelerated suddenly and it felt like I was "falling up" toward the light.

In perhaps a count of three I was at the light and I was stopped at a barrier.  I looked at the light and I experienced an overwhelming flood of peace, joy, and unconditional love.  I knew that God was behind that light, and there with Him was everything we could imagine to be beautiful, good, just, merciful, and righteous, in a far greater measure than the human mind can conceive.  Even after so many years I do not have words to describe this adequately.  I wanted nothing more than to step over that barrier and go through the light to where God was.  I said oh, yes, please....  But it was not to be.  A man's voice came from nowhere and said, "Go back.  It isn't time."  The words were burned into my memory and so was the voice itself, its pace, pitch, timbre, and pronunciation.  It is the voice my then day-old son now has as a grown man.  But in retrospect this does not surprise me.  God has to communicate with us in ways we, with our limited understanding, can comprehend.

Before I had a chance to be disappointed, my consciousness winked out.  I woke up that evening back in my body, sick, hurting, and feeling powerless before the mountain of difficulties I faced if I were ever to get my life back in order.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Uncertain

Surgical medication included an epidural, scopolamine, and viridine.  I presume that wore off because my seizure occurred about 24 hours later.  I have no idea what I had post-surgically.  By then my kidneys had shut down and I was way out of it.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

Even though I have an English degree I cannot find words adequate to express the depth of the peace, love, joy, and beauty I saw in that Light.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

I guess you could call it that.  I was clinically dead with a cardiac arrest until I was resuscitated.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was probably semiconscious at the start of the event.  At any rate I was pretty groggy but I was not ready to give in to sleep.  I remember feeling cold, starting from my feet up, and when the cold hit my chest, my soul left my body and I became fully alert.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   It was dreamlike at first. When my soul left my body I seemed to perceive things in slow motion.  When I looked down and saw two nurses and the doctor scrambling around they moved like they were under water.  Then I looked up, floated through the ceiling, and I perceived "normal" time again.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

My spirit seemed to be a nebulous ball of energy.  I still saw and thought and heard but I retained no part of my physical form.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Not particularly.  At first I heard the usual sounds of the hospital, and nothing more until the voice told me to go back.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain

            Describe:      It wasn't really a tunnel, although I can see why some people describe it that way.  I was in darkness so deep it seemed solid.  It was pierced by a blue-white light that had straight sides (think of a WWII aircraft searchlight).

Did you see a light?           Yes

It was far away to my upper left and extremely brilliant.  However, it was not unpleasant to look at.  As I explained above, it resembled an old carbon arc aircraft searchlight.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No

Only the voice that told me it was not my time.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes

I knew without being told that I had been resuscitated with CPR.  I discussed it with the doctor afterward.  This cannot be verified now, though.  It was so long ago that the medical personnel involved are deceased and the records no longer exist.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain

Altered space, maybe.  I seemed to be "falling up" toward the light at an impossibly rapid pace.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Uncertain

Afterward I started to experience memories of my past lives.  It was as if the barrier between past and present had been degraded somehow.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes

My upward "fall" was stopped abruptly just shy of the light.  If I had stepped through it there would have been no coming back.  At that boundary, a voice said, "Go back.  It isn't time."  I never forgot that voice, and strangely, it is the voice that my then day-old son would have as a grown man.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

I was not involved in the decision.  I was told unequivocally that I had to go back.  If I experienced any emotion at all, it was just a brief flash of surprise when the voice spoke to me.  Then my consciousness winked out and I did not wake up until I was back in my body.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

Over the years I have become more and more aware of several of my past lives.  I can also sense past lives of other people.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

Belief in reincarnation.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       It has not had much effect except that I know reincarnation to be a fact.  Quite a stretch for a presumably conservative Baptist!

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

I have no fear of death.  I also know that I really need to work on the life lessons I have been sent here to learn because otherwise I will just have to repeat them until I get it right.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

I have shared parts of it with only a few people closest to me.  I know my son does not fear death the way some people do because he knows he has lived before and will live again at God's pleasure.  I really can't speak for anyone else.  My husband just thinks it's weird.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  When I woke up I was devastated.  I had a glimpse of God's paradise and now I was back in my body, sick, hurting, and with a multitude of problems to face.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was knowing that God was behind the light and finding out that He offers unconditional love and infinite peace.  The worst part was waking up right back where I had started.  My life was such a mess that I was suicidal before the experience.  Afterward I knew if I killed myself I would just come back and have to face everything all over again.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

I have been able to leave my body at will but I don't like to do that.  It's scary.