Mary Jo R's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

            I saw a light. It appeared small and then grew bigger and encompassed me into it. I was not afraid and very much able to evaluate the light coming toward me. I noted it was not large and then grew larger. I remember "floating" through this tunnel like thing...and then I just folded out into a huge room...not sure it was a room but it was a space. It was brilliant and had a pink tinge (Hence the name of the book I later wrote about it titled "Is God Pink...Dying to Heal). God held me...I don't remember if my whole body was in his arms or what...no recognition of that. I knew it was God because he was an omnipotent being. Not like a person...much less limited in form. I did not see God but felt him through my skin. He spoke through all of my senses. He called me by name and told me I could not stay. I protested. I told him all of my services on earth (working 24/7, not much money for my work, a good wife, a good mother) I did not want to leave this place. Then God asked me...He said "let me ask you one question". "Have you ever loved another person the way you have been loved here". The love I had received in that time was so overpowering...I had never felt anything like it so I answered God honestly. I said, "No...it is impossible...I am just a human, you are God". He gave me the illusion of a sweet protective chuckle. He then said, "Mary, you can do better". I woke up to my husband shaking my arm and crying...telling me I was very sick and they were going to have to take me to surgery. He was telling me they would have to open my head and clip an artery that was bleeding. He told me please not to die. I told my husband not to worry. I had just talked to God and He wouldn't let me die. My husband thought I was hallucinating (he is a physician, and I would have thought that too since I worked in a Cancer Center and use to never believe these stories). I recovered so quickly from the brain surgery...the neurosurgeons were perplexed how this could be.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The colors were not colors as we know them. They were brilliant. God spoke to me through all of my senses. The love and acceptance I felt was not a human emotion I had ever experienced before. I had to grieve being sent back to earth.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I could have died...I had about 50cc of blood in my head. An artery in my brain had burst.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I was aware and alert through all of it. I was so overtaken by the love and acceptance I did not look around much. I was so content and at peace when I wasn't arguing with God to stay.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I was aware and alert through all of it. I was so overtaken by the love and acceptance I did not look around much. I was so content and at peace when I wasn't arguing with God to stay.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     My vision was different. There was a sense that I had a "Knowingness" I do not have in my everyday world. Everything made more sense. I think this place I went was also a place I had come from. It was not scary...I belonged there.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            No       I heard through my other senses though. I do not think my hearing was different then my sight or skin.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Total loving...acceptance. I had never been loved like that.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     I saw a light which became bigger and I went into it. I floated through something that appeared "tunnel like"...although I am not sure.

Did you see a light?           Yes     It started small and became larger.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No      

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I was in a beautiful place. It had brilliant lighting and I was held by God in this place.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     When I came back it seemed like I had talked to God for a long while. It was only a two to three minutes that I was unresponsive.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Yes, I felt like everything there made sense to me. I had a knowingness of this place. It felt like my original source.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I was being held by God in a beautiful room. He told me I could not stay. I was upset...and started protesting.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     My analytical skills are much improved. I also look younger. I have no fear of death. I have a sense that we are "limitless" in what we can give and do on earth. The only limit is ourselves. I see life on earth as more plastic...not real. I see my body as a shell I have to take care of...but it is not meant for ever. I have a trust and I now know there is a God. It feels like everything now that I want to progress in is happening...almost like an unfolding for me in a way it has never done before.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I work in healthcare so I was afraid to talk about it. I told the first person about a week after I got home from the hospital. I talked to my husband about it right away. He is agnostic but had to admit some "weird things happened that he cannot explain". I was suppose to die...and I walked out of the hospital not needing any rehab. It was unbelievable considering the assault to my brain.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Uncertain            Many patients dying of cancer while in my care would tell me they saw angels or had visions. I was soooo skeptical. I regret that now. What a fool I was, and how much more I could have helped them pass on to God if I would have been a better listener.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    It scared me. I wasn't sure I could live in this world after being with God. I had a lot of grief coming back to Earth. I had to talk to a therapist to let go of being with God. It wasn't the right time.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    It was all significant to me. The room...the colors, the feeling of God's talking to me. The feeling of love and acceptance. I am a psychotherapist and get paid a lot of money to help people change. I may spend years trying to help them change one small behavior. I spend two minutes with God and my whole life has changed. Who can explain that?????

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I feel like it is a great blessing and responsibility. I could rationalize that I was ignorant or unknowing when I sinned before my experience with God. Now I cannot say that anymore. He held me and talked to me. Nothing in my life is the same.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain      At first they changed a lot. I expected more from them...thought they had seen the same thing I had seen because of my experience. I realized that I have to live with people who do not have the same awareness I have. It is difficult. I am constantly frustrated by petty situations I get pulled into. When I fist came back it was easier...I find myself becoming more and more "human" again.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes     I am more spiritual...less religious.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        No...it continues to be the biggest blessing of my life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     It is difficult to find human words for so much of this. I think that is why the stories all have some similarities. We are all grasping for a human word and there are none.