Mary Ann F's NDE

Experience description: 

i remember being throw from the car and my head hit the divider.  i was knocked unconscious.  my first memories was when i was looking down from the ceiling and seeing my parents crying.  i thought i was awake.  the next thing i was in bed and i could see a light at the middle of the room.  an irish nurse came over to me and she said, "look at this pretty darling. i am going to clean her up." Then the other nurse called to her her and told her there's nothing we could do for her so take care of the others first. 

i said to myself, "am i dead?" i was so scared, then i found myself going fast up this dark tunnel. i was so scared, but i could see a very small light at the very end of the tunnel.  then i was in this beautiful light. my girlfriend's sister, kathleen,  greeted me. she was wearing white and all aglow. she told me not to be afraid.  i asked her if i could speak to god. then god came down, like on an elevator, from a higher heaven and sat down in front of me.  god looked like jesus in an all white gown and big, about 6 foot 5 inches tall. i know i could not see myself.

god asked if i wanted to stay or go back while he let me look down and see my mother and sisters, who were small at the time, in the kitchen. my father was drunk.  i was in such peace and surrounded by such beauty, i did not want to come back.  but, i told god, "you see father, i have to go back."  god then showed me my whole life. he told me i would have 13 children, but 3 would not live.  i would be married three times.  the second marriage would be like going through hell with an abusive husband. the third man would change my whole life around and would be my reward later in life. he showed me the hell i would be living and before i come back to heaven.  He told me my daughter would come back to heaven which has happened. 

then i was taken into a beautiful garden where the flowers were indescribable. i never seen flowers like that before. the aroma, well lets put it like this, i don't know how too put it into words.

angels came and i felt like i was flying with them.  i looked up and saw this big church and the next thing I know, i was sitting down and watching television.  i was shown lots of disasters.  i was so frightened. i saw fire and under the ground explosions in new york city.  i did see peace after all of what i was shown.  i was shown so much i did not like.  what i saw it was all over religion and at that time i couldn't believe that people would fight over god. 

then i was taken into this forest and shown a cure for cancer. i was so excited, i couldn't wait to get back to tell everybody.  i felt so smart because i was not very smart in school. i believe it had to do with flowers and leaves.  god told me i would not be able to talk about it because that memory would be taken away from me until later on in my life.  god was telling me about my life. i was saying to myself, i would never do that, like being married three times and having 13 children.

i remember god is very forgiving,  we are all loved, and we must learn to forgive each other. the love i felt there was so overwhelming. i did not want to go back, but i knew i had to.  i remember saying, "i want you to know this is the first time i've been on a typewriter since i was in school. i don't think i did so bad."  then i was talking to a machine and told to press a button and i did.

the next thing was i woke up and my girlfriend eileen was standing over me.  i said to her your sister kathleen told me to tell you she thanks you for taking care of her children then fell back into coma.  when i woke up i didn't know why i was in the hospital until my father told me about the car accident i looked down and seen my left leg cut across my knee. a few days later i was let out of the hospital. then i told my father what i seen.  he told me not too speak of this or the doctors would put me in the nut house. from time to time i would tell a little of what i seen but people would look at me like i was nuts so i just kept it to myself.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

      Explanation:  When woke up was not on an IV

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Flowers, singing, and the light

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Accident

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  I was alert!  I was so alert, I couldn't see myself, I knew I was THERE.  It was REAL!  Everything God said was true and has happened.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No, that was no dream.  How could you dream of a life review and future happenings at the same time?

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  No

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I didn't see myself.  I knew I was there.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Sadness and shame at pulling the girl's hair.  Fantastic otherwise

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  the singing was like the most beautiful church choir.  No instruments, just beautiful voices.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Yes

      Describe:  i was afraid as i passed through the dark tunnel, as i spiraled up, i focused on the light at the far end of the tunnel

Did you see a light?  No response

      Describe:  at first it was just at the end of the tunnel, but once i got to the other side, the light was so bright and intense.  i was no longer afraid.  No color, just bright like an H-bomb on TV or big explosion.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  i met my girlfriend's sister kathleen who greeted me and showed me to god.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes.  i felt bad when i pulled a girl's hair when i was 8 or 9 years old.  i remember feeling so guilty.  i remember talking to myself and telling myself that i felt terrible.  nobody judged me by myself.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

      Describe:  What the nurses were saying about me being dead so i didn't need to be cleaned up.  I saw future events that have come true. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  i saw the most amazing forest and flowers on the other side. the flowers were all over the place with no resemblance to flowers on earth.  although i can't describe the smell, it was gorgeous!  the flowers glowed in different indescribable colors. i remember flying to church with big long steps to watch future events on a t.v. which were disastrous.  i was also taken to a little forest with leaves and flowers.  i felt so intelligent there that i couldn't wait to get back and tell everyone the cure for cancer.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  No

      Describe:  Felt like I was supposed to be there.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  the most immediate answer was that i was shown a cure for cancer.  but from my choices and my family background, i know that my place is helping my family.  i came down to help my mother raise 6 children.  then i have had 13 children of which 10 are still with me.  i have 20 grandchildren and know that i have more to do since i still have 5 children who have not had children yet.

we are here on earth to learn lessons.  the bad things that happen are not caused by god, but by ourselves.  we are to learn to love each other, help each other, give of each other, and love god.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  Yes

      Describe:  i saw fire in the streets of new york and explosions.  there were tornados in queens and i saw people running to get into shelters.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  i am the second oldest child out of eight children.  the oldest sister went into a convent.  i couldn't leave my mother and other siblings alone with my alcoholic father.  i had to be there for them.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  i have a sense of knowing.  i sometimes get visions about people or events.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  many things were so beautiful, i know where my daughter was after she committed suicide.  i don't have to worry about her.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  during the nde, god told me he would send someone and that my children would not starve.  i had been praying that god would send someone to help me raise my children or that he would change my ex so that he would help raise the children.  i was 42 at the time and went to a church healing at Holy Child.  Eyewitness news was doing a taping there.  if the priest touches you and you go down, your prayer will be granted.  he touched me and i didn't go down. he told everyone he wasn't going to come back. i wrote to him and he did come back.  at the prayer meeting he said, "i'm not hear for the sick or dying.  I'm here for someone who needs me."  he called everyone forward who needed him, and i went up.  that time, i fell down and saw bright lights.  when i came to, i saw my daughter with a halo over her head.  a few days later, i met my current husband.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  girlfriend, she liked it.  i really didn't talk about the experience until i was age 47 or 48 after i saw raymond moody on television.  his was the first book i had read about ndes.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  taken out of hospital on 2/13.  2/14 was my 18th birthday.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  the best was being in heaven, it was so beautiful, peaceful, i had all the knowledge, and i was not alone since angels were all around.  i am not afraid of death, but don't want to go yet.  i still have things to do. 

the worst part was coming back and not being able to talk about my experience.  even if i could talk about the experience, parts of it are indescribable.  many events were disturbing after the nde because i would know evil and see people dying.  i came back with a lot of fears, like the fear of being alone because i felt like someone was always watching me.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  i am now age 61.  although the memory has faded a bit, the main parts of the nde are clearly described.  i was very excited to see raymond moody on t.v. because i didn't realize that others had had similar experiences like mine.

there are a few things regarding after-effects. 

one event i saw before it happened.  i shook this woman's hand who was 7 months pregnant the end of december 2000.  i had a dream that night where i saw guys in a truck and could hear them talking, but couldn't understand what they were saying since it didn't sound like english.  they were taking stuff out of the truck.  i saw explosions.  then i saw an airplane take the woman's body to someplace like south america.  they were celebrating in the street.  i told my sister to write this down for me and keep it in a safe place.  later, i found out that this woman did die on 9/11/01 and her body was sent to south america where her family was and as traditional, they did celebrate in the streets. 

another time, i sat down and was relaxed in the chair.  i saw a brutal rape and murder happen.  the next day i saw the woman's picture in the paper.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  just as god said it would.  i don't have to go to church, i know for sure that god exists. i believe there is a hereafter.  we exist to love god and love our neighbors.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  yes, the events of 9/11.  in the nde, i saw explosions in nyc.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  as much as words can explain it.  there are parts that can't be adequately explained, like the type, colors, and smell, of the flowers.

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  none