Marie J's NDE
Experience description:
The year before I had almost drowned because I panicked. So this time I said to myself: “not today, so I will just wait and above all not panic.” I didn’t have to wait very long before I found myself in another universe.
First, I was in a place where there is nothing but blackness. Then, I felt and saw my life passing by (I think so, it was so fast I cannot be certain but I had this feeling that it was my life. Past or future I cannot tell.)
Next, this feeling of happiness where I was no longer “a nothing inside everything, but an everything inside nothing”. As there was no more time, so there was no more space. I did no longer undergo feelings, but I was feeling itself.
I was engulfed in the most perfect happiness until I regained consciousness on the sand. I looked around myself and had the feeling that I had come back from another world. My outlook on life had thus completely changed. I went back to where my parents were, as if nothing had happened. For five years, I didn’t talk about this to anyone, but every day I did recall this feeling that each time made me cry with happiness and I thank heaven for this experience. My goal since that day was to regain this feeling in order to share it with others.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience: No
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes
What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?
It is difficult to express an experience as long as someone has not experienced it themselves.
At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Yes
Describe: I was about to drown.
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I was aware of everything that happened to me, I knew that it wasn’t a dream.
Was the experience dream like in any way? No
Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body? Yes
Describe your appearance or form apart from your body: Upon hearing bad news, my spirit detached from my body. I was lying down, unable to speak or move. My arms were outstretched towards the sky and my hands were closed on themselves. Again I was inside this most perfect happiness. I had the feeling that I was near the ceiling.
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
I was in perfect happiness and completely aware of everything happening around me. Seeing my husband crying, I wanted to come down again but then some difficulties appeared. Every time there was a movement or a sound I was projected further and further away. It was as if there were waves around me and as if every little sound was pushing me away.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
Every sound and every movement was amplified. I tried to go back but some force drove me away. I had the impression as if there were incoming waves all around my spirit , making it difficult for me to return to my body.
After making a big effort of concentration I was able to get over this and my spirit went down into my body again.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes
Describe: It looked more like a triangle, and I was directing myself towards the top of it.
Did you see a light? Yes
Describe: After I had been in the black triangle, when I reached the top everything was illuminated. But it wasn’t something that I saw with my eyes but more of a feeling, as if my spirit itself became illuminated.
Did you meet or see any other beings? No
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? Uncertain
Describe: I remember having seen something but it went by so fast that I cannot tell what it was really. Nevertheless, I have a distinct feeling that it was my life. Which one I don’t know. It was like a videocassette that is played forward or backward at high speed.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Uncertain
Describe: After having taken a lot of drugs like acid or ecstasy I found myself in another dimension very similar to my own experience.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
Describe: There was no more time and therefore no more space. There was all and nothing at the same time.
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Uncertain
Describe: I always pose myself the question. What should I do with this new vision. I do my best to get to the bottom of this.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes
Describe: The material world no longer existed. I had no longer a body, there was no me, yet something experienced this moment.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body? Uncertain
Describe: For my second experience yes. I struggled to be able to come back not because it felt unpleasant where I was, quite the opposite, but to reassure my husband that had broken down because he thought I was going to die. I had to fight against incoming waves to get down.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain
Describe: I am not certain whether I had gifts before. Later I had strange feelings, presentiments that turned out to be true. For a long time fire left no traces on me.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes
Describe: I have started to read different religions and philosophy. For me they all contain a part of truth. They define the same thing yet they explain it in different ways.
Has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices etc.? Career choices? I was already very much on my own before but this even increased afterwards. Before, I was first in my class , later I became the last. (I told my mother I can read, write, count, that is all that I need in the material world. ) I was 10 years old, after that moment I devoted myself to the spiritual.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Describe: The first person was my boyfriend when I was 15. I have influenced him a lot, and we shared a lot of spiritual discussion. The second was my husband, who is American and very earthly. For 10 years I already try to communicate my spiritual convictions to him, it goes slow with him, compared with my former boyfriend that is my best friend today, but I have hope.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? Every time that I recalled this sensation I have wept with joy, unable to contain myself. I have become more understanding and now I forgive everyone. I have lost my arrogance, my pride.
What was the best and worst part of your experience?
The best was to have a chance to be able to experience this kind of happiness. The worst, that I have tried all my life to regain this sensation through drugs and alcohol, instead of meditating healthily, I cheated using these means.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
I wish that every person in the world can experience this happiness. I hope that this is what death is, and if this experience can give us answers on the why and how that would be perfect.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Describe: It has opened my mind and given me a new objective in life, a thirst to understand our live, our universe, and myself. (this wonderful machine).
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
Describe: Meditation, drugs. I studied my dreams very closely, hoping to find a solution in these magical moments.
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Explain: I hope that my answers will bring you a little something despite the difficulty in relating this experience.
Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire? I would like to thank you from the depth of my heart,. I have no suggestions but want you to know that the fact of having been able to tell about my experience has been liberating to me. I don’t think it is about a precise question, the most important is to be listened to. THANKS.