Maria S NDEs

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

        I only knew that my physical body was dying.  I gave myself up to death, without fear after going through a phase of denial.  Afterwards I resigned myself to either living or dying, and I now continue to be confused even after a year as if I have been reborn and must learn to walk again and feel the world around me.            

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes    I awoke in the world as if  I had just been born and not knowing anything and having to relearn everything.  I have unknown fears, no desire to live, no way to reconnect with the physical world...sadness...indifference...no feelings of love for anyone...feeling alone...being someone I never was...returning to something unknown...conflict between my own being and not knowing who I am.  

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     Yes, there were 3 life-threatening episodes: severe hyponatremia, cardiac failure almost to the point of needing a transplant. 

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    While in the coronary unit. 

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal 

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:     In the coronary unit.       

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes   There was a diminishing of clarity, colors and brightness and this still continues now.  

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No       

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes 

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          A vacant feeling, of relief, my body didn't feel anything.  It was just on a bed leaving soon... 

 Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      

Did you see a light?           Yes    When I returned from surgery there was darkness and I returned through a tunnel of light. 

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes   My dead father, my aunt and grandparents 

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes    Just my life, infancy, adolescence etc. 

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes   My father, grandparents and aunt telling me everything would be fine.  My 94 year old uncle, who is still alive, was there outside the circle and he told me to listen to what they were saying.  I was in the middle of them. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Uncertain  

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes    I lost the connection between my body and my mind.  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Life and death are the same, but that I shouldn't die.  

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes   I was in a different place, nothingness, without limits or time...  

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes

         I felt the presence of loved ones who had died, sitting on my bed talking to me and giving me courage and telling me that everything would be OK soon.   

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No       

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes    With family members, friends, psychologists, psychiatrists.  I was diagnosed with depression, emotional trauma and without a desire to live by my friends, family and psychiatrists 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes         I had cardiovascular surgery when I was 4 years old,  paroxysmal tachycardia at 32.  I believe they are memories of critical situations in life. 

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real  Traumatizing.  I felt as if I had returned from some kind of hell and I didn't not know why I was alive...  

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?         Everything I experienced before and after the surgery.   

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real         It completely changed my life.  I feel lost and do not understand the world I am in.   

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     My relationship with my family and friends...and my view of the world I am now in. 

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     Medications 

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes   I tried to explain myself as clearly as possible, but it is difficult to do.   

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   Questions about confused states, personality changes, fears, anxieties, rupture with the past, not understanding the present, and fear of the future.