Maria D's NDE

Experience description: 

I blacked out once on the short few blocks to the hospital while in the ambulance, coming to inside while they were wheeling me into the ER. After I was in the ER room, they began working on me.  I found out later I had a swished spleen, which was removed in surgery, broken ribs and lots of bad scraps and bruises from being dragged, and I had lost a great deal of blood.

While the doctor(s) and nurses were very busy hooking things up to me, asking me questions, such as my name, I felt my self feeling very very weak and light.

Then suddenly I couldn't hear anything anymore-I could just see the nurses mouths moving and knew they had been talking quite loudly to each other and the doctor, so I realized something was changing quickly.  I kept closing and opening my eyes, thinking somehow that would help me hear them again. Then suddenly I wasn't there anymore, I was zooming down the center of a huge tunnel-that seemed to be lit from inside the walls of it. I could tell I was actually moving because the tunnel walls had sort of a spiral effect to them. I remember thinking how beautiful it was and was amazed how I could just be suspended in air flying so fast down the center of this huge thing.  As I went through it, I began losing memory of my life and family, and felt startled and alarmed at this.  That has always bothered me to this day.  Then I stopped moving and seemed to be floating and I became aware of another person are entity with me, who had a very unsolid form but was more like a large white glowing energy form.

This energy knew me personally.  A voice like a mans' voice but yet very different, entered my head and called me by name, saying, "Denise, it is not your time, you will have to go back".  I responded with thought only (this seemed the only way of communicating), that I didn't want to, because it hurt to much.  Then he moved an arm out in front of himself (it looked more like a glowing white arm of a robe) and I looked where he seemed to be pointing and saw out in front of us a pedestal with a huge ancient looking book opened up sitting atop of it.  I thought, "I want to go look at that", and I was immediately told I could not. Then he told me, "It is the Book of Answers", you cannot look into it and go back.  Then suddenly I was back moving down the huge tunnel again, and returned to my body.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

Because you can't experience what I felt and did as it is "here".  I "felt" everything with my spirit more than with regular thought processes.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

I had been run over twice by my car in a parking lot. I had started it under the hood as I had watched my dad do when it wouldn't start. The car started but I had left it in gear and it started moving backwards, so I chased after it and jumped in trying to step on the brake pedal. My clog-style shoe got wedged around either the brake or gas pedal of the car. I then was dragged, fell out and run over, since the wheels were turned and I was badly injured when it first ran over me, I couldn't get up in time and when it came back around in ran over me a second time. This happen only a few blocks from a hospital, and right next to a diner with two policeman eating-so when they heard all the noise from my car running into other parked cars-they ran out and called the ambulance. I prayed to God, when I saw the car tire coming at me again, that it wouldn't run over my head, which of course it didn't or I couldn't be writing this to you today.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Very alert, I would have to describe it in this way.  I felt more alive during this experience then any other time.  I felt fantastic, everything about my physical self seemed to be working in complete harmony. I saw that I had a body as I was going down the tunnel. That's why it was so amazing that I didn't hurt.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Nothing like a dream. Closer to waking then anything, but like living perfected.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

My body looked perfect, flawless.  No pain, weightless.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Peacefulness like being surrounded by water in a pool, but inside and outside.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No

It was a place, relative to not being here, and yet exists. The only solid thing I saw was the pedestal and book. The tunnel was very real but seemed almost organic.  It was silver in color but appeared to undulate.

Did you see a light?           Yes

The "Being of Light" only at the end of the tunnel.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes

The "Being of Light" or God.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

I do have the documents from the hospital that showed I had "died" three times.  Twice during my emergency operation.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes

I did have sight, I did not seem to have "touch" though-or at least touched nothing and did not feel wind in the tunnel or any air temperature. I did not attempt to touch the "Being of Light" nor did he touch me. When I wanted to see what was written in the book, I thought this, and then found myself moving towards it, but was stopped by his thoughts, that I couldn't look at it and return.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

I had no awareness of time passing or even existing. His use of the words, go back, seemed to indicate time existed though-at least to the point that I had gone forward to this place.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

I know that he knew I existed before going there. He knew my name, he told me it was not "time" and I had to return.  The "Book of Answers" indicates that it exists to be read by us at some point. Personally I very glad to know there is one! I had prophetic dreams even as a young girl, although not about anything ever important-just normal events. After this though, I never seemed to completely "disconnect" from this different state of awareness. So I have an enhanced existence-like a souvenir!

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Uncertain

I seemed to know that I was to stay near the "Being of Light", plus where besides to look into the book, was I going to do? It was endless space after the tunnel ride, but did feel a separation existed between where the book was and us.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

The "Being of Light" told me, "Denise, it is not your time." I told him I didn't want to go back, because it hurt to much.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes

I have what my Aunt refers to as Revelations.  The night before the first space shuttle blew up, I had a vision of something blowing up in space and then the US Flag, and felt it would effect everyone in America somehow. I didn't know what it was, and I was scared it might be a bomb or something. The next morning the shuttle blew up when launched.  Then sometimes I see pictures of Headlines in newpapers. When living in Escondido, CA I kept seeing a picture in my mind of the typed word, Firestorms. I wrote it down and told a friend about it at the time and my daughter, because it kept bugging me. Then a couple of weeks later, we had terrible fires in the areas and the newspaper headline read FIRESTORMS.  Things like that, my family and friends are used to it now.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

It was very very hard to know I was going to stay down here. I remember feeling that if I thought hard enough about my experience and let myself relive it or feel it-I would simply "go back".  So, it took a lot of years to pass before I got my "earth mind-set" again. It was difficult to take a lot of things everybody else especially my age at the time did seriously.  I was very glad to be back...at least after I recovered fully which took a couple of years, but I knew and know that the most important thing in life here is treating people right, being a good person, and showing love for others.  That seems to be if not the only important thing, the most important be far. It seems to have a lot to do with us after we leave here.  It's about what it does to us, when we love others, and appreciate our lives here.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       Oh  boy, well I go to church once in awhile. I am still trying to figure that out-why we have people in church, for so many reasons, other than what it is for.  Basically, I think  it should be used to help others feel loved and realize a common and uniting appreciation for life and living. It seems to often do more to separate and be used as a reason to do the opposite.

   As far as relationships, I became engaged to the orderly that worked at the hospital, who I found out sat with me night after night for the weeks I was there recovering. We broke up later and he went on a Mormon Mission-and I never saw him again. He said my experience made him feel the need to do that.

   Regarding career, I have to say I had trouble, taking my jobs seriously-I would wake up to a beautiful sunny day, and felt obliged to enjoy what God had given us to feel and see and enjoy...but as time went by and the requirements and satisfaction of working took over I learned to focus better and stay "grounded". I have had my own business for many years now, and I am quite sure the biggest reason, is to allow myself the freedom to run outside and watch a butterfly in flight or piece of chocolate at my desk without fear of losing my job.  That's one thing that really needs to be changed-the attitude that people can't work unless they are in relative mental cages. Where that started I don't know, but it is definitely sinful. People have to live and work, not work to live. This earth life was not meant to be lived how we do it now. We have structured the life out of living.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

Well, it has been a lot of years since the experience, but I remember realizing that I was permanently changed.  Gone, was the blind unknowing, and at 18 years old, that made me different, and sometimes I felt like an outsider. Before you have an experience like that, your just like all your other friends and everybody else. You don't know for sure about much of anything. Then, after an experience like that, you know what you do and say and how you live matters without any doubt. So there goes all the fun! Just kidding, but at 18 it felt like that sometimes. It made me accountable early.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

Sometimes, in talking with others, they will say something that will bring the story out. Not all of it usually, but parts of it, that they needed to hear at that time for whatever reason. I love this when it happens, the mutual sharing is incredible! Recently standing in a check-out line, it happened. I noticed the woman's purse in front of me, and said how pretty it was, and we began talking. In less than a couple of minutes we were both exchanging Near-death experiences!  It was the first time that had happened to me, we both, as it turned out felt compelled to speak with each other, and we both felt we recognized each other somehow as well!  That was very exciting and strange too.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  It was much easier for me to show genuine love and feelings towards my family and friends. In fact I remember others looking uncomfortable with this show of warmth and honesty. So I had to cut back on it! I almost felt kind of "angelic" and so close to God and the feeling still was with me from the experience, I just extended it to others, and it seemed to intense.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The worst was the sensation of losing my memory of my family as I was going through the tunnel. That made me feel sad. I would not want to forget them, but maybe it was necessary to let go of this life. 

The best part was knowing for the rest of my existence here, that God exists, maybe not as we think of him through the various religions, but actually so much more than that in everyway.  Also, realizing that each and every single one of us is purposely here, not by accident and that each of us fulfills a part that forms this shared reality. When I pray, I know the prayer is heard, all prayers are heard. This form of communication is the highest.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Yes, one thing that is interesting, is when I returned to my physical body-which was different from the one that stayed with me. I felt that my skin was much to small for me!  It was tight and inflexible. I could actually feel my skin.  This did go away after a few days. I kept complaining about this to the nurses, my surgeon, my family.  That must have been odd sounding to them.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    I think this was a very good questionnaire. It helped me recollect a lot that I hadn't thought about in a very long time, and write about it, which I wasn't at first comfortable with. After doing so though, I feel better about it, and glad that I can share this. When I had this experience in 1972, I had never heard anybody else talk about Near-death experiences, or tunnels with lights, or anything else like it. The first time I read about a similar experience was in a Readers Digest my parents had. I got so excited I went running through the house looking for them, pointing to it and feeling so excited to read how someone else knew what I had felt and gone through!  I don't think up to that time my parents knew what to think of it.