Maggie S's NDE

Experience description: 

I was at the hospital, but I did not know where, and I was in great pain, so great I felt I could not bear it anymore. I looked around me and it seemed like I was in a space ship of some kind - everything was stainless steel and white. I thought I'd been taken. (by Aliens, perhaps? But I realized this was only wishful on my part.) (I've always wanted to be taken by a Space Ship to visit another planet.) My feelings were about not wanting to die yet - I have so much I want to do yet.

I did not want to die, but I knew I could not bear the pain anymore. Then it seemed I was transported somewhere else - I don't remember any white lights or tunnels, nothing like that. But there was a great meadow of green grass and flowers, flowers in pink and purple and yellow. My mother was to the right near a bench, something like a park bench where one might sit to rest, and she was planting large plants beside the bench at the end of it. I think the flowers were orange tiger lilies. I tried to get her to look at me, but she would not. I called her and called her, and she paid no attention to me whatsoever. It was as if she could not see me or hear me. That made me feel so peaceful for some reason. So I moved on.

Over to my left, on a hill was my best friend Buddy, who killed himself a few years ago. He was looking west, in the opposite direction of my mother. He appeared to be smoking a pipe, but he never smoked, so I know he wasn't smoking. Then I realized it was not my friend Buddy there, but Alfred Hitchcock. He gave me a chiding look and walked away, away from where I was. I was so tired after this experience I fell asleep where I was, in a very soft, plushy bed of pillows. I thought I was still going to die and had to wait. I don't know what I was waiting for, but I had to wait. So I slept as I waited. I felt no pain and I felt a relief from my heart, as if I did not have to worry about everything after all. When I woke up, it felt like I was being pulled from where I was in a whoosh - I was alive still, in enormous pain, and 3 of my friends were there looking at me smiling! They were Guy, Sandy, and Emily.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Uncertain

I have no idea what medication I had for my open-heart surgery - or the lung infection. I was not so heavily medicated however, as I felt an enormous amount of pain. My doctor did not want me "drugged up."

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

There's something about it that happened that I still do not remember. I think I kept asking to talk to God and tell him I did not want to die yet. I kept asking someone to please tell him that. But I could not see anyone else, not near me - only my Mother and Buddy, and they would not look at me.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain

I'm not sure to what extent. My heart attacks had damaged my heart more severely than my doctor realized and 60% is scar tissue - He said he was concerned that I might not be able to make a recovery because of this with the lung infection.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I did not feel in control of myself. That's not very comfortable. But my pain had stopped and I was grateful for that.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   No. It felt very real.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Some birds were singing in the distance I think. No other noise.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain

            Describe:      don't think so

Did you see a light?           Uncertain

No bright lights - it was afternoon - afternoon light.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes

Yes - see above. Saw my Mother and my friend Buddy. But no other people. Though I did hear murmurings in the background.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

I remember fleetingly that I wished I had seen my sons before my surgery.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes

The meadow. It was beautiful and safe.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Both space and time were different- suspended like...

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Only I thought that God could hear me when I was asking to stay alive more years.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes

Yes, but I can't explain this well. I was not allowed into the meadow. I was on the outside, even though there wasn't a visible gate.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

It was as the future did not exist anymore.



Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       No

All of a sudden I totally blacked out. I was blacked out completely for a while.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Yes, I felt an enormous weight lifted off me, that it is not my fault that Mom and Buddy or dead, that I did not cause their deaths, and could not have prevented either one of them from dying. I knew in a deep way that if I did not quit blaming myself for their deaths - and grieving for them - that I would die. I wasn't strong enough to endure the pain of my grief.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

Yes, I let my grief go. It was such a relief. I felt so good !!! I also quit smoking during this time - did not feel any craving whatsoever for a cigarette.