Lucia L's NDE

I am severely allergic to any kind of narcotic based drugs (eg. codeine, percaset, morphine, Demerol, etc).  I was diagnosed with gall stones.  It was a funny diagnosis because the only thing that led to this was an increase in my heart rate.  This led to blood tests & then to ultra-sound.  I had a very large stone & some small ones.  I felt no pain, which was unusual. 

Because of my allergies, I saw a anesthesiologist a month or so prior to my surgery.  They decided to use synthetic morphine during the operation.  

I had decided not to tell my parents of my operation, as I knew they would make themselves sick with worry, waiting for me to come out of the operation.  I had the weirdest feeling I would die & I wanted them to have enough strength, once informed of the news of my death.  If things did turn out fine, I would have saved them all this worry.  I only told my daughter, brother, & best friend. I swore them to secrecy.      

I went into hospital at 7:30 a.m. that morning.  The bracelet they put on my wrist did not list all my allergies.  I pointed this out to my nurse.  My best friend, who was with me, pointed out the same on my chart.  These also did not match.  We were told not to worry, that they would be checking both. 

They wheeled me into the pre-operative room where I was met by the anesthesiologist.  He was not the same one I had consulted with earlier.  He told me that they had a couple of problems that they had run into.  First, was that I had a small mouth & they would have problems with the tube.  Secondly, they did not know what to use when I was out of surgery, coming out of the anesthetic, for the pain.   

I was rolled my eyes at my friend.  I figured as much....He asked just how allergic I was.  I told him I had problems breathing, itchy, sweaty.  Almost like a bad case of the flu thrown into the mix.  He said they would figure out something.  I shook my head & told my friend that I just knew I was going to die.  As they rolled me towards the operating room, I yelled back to her that I would be back.  I had to as the devils still had to come.  I had no idea at that time what I meant by that. 

I remember the counting backwards & then I passed out.  The next thing I remember was my left arm being so very itchy.  I started scratching at it & could see the needle stuck in my hand.  I remember thinking "those idiots gave me morphine".  It was all so very calm.  I could hear the heart monitors beeping more quickly.  All of a sudden I felt this heavy weight on my chest.  Again I remember thinking that it felt like a big truck had parked itself on my chest.  I had never had this happen to me before so I don't know why I associated this feeling with the truck. 

The monitors were beeping very fast & my eyes closed.  I don't remember fighting to breathe.  All I remember is being very calm & almost like "yeah, I figured this would happen".  The last thing I heard, while I was in my body, was the heart monitor give out a flat sound, like you hear on the movies when someone dies. 

All of a sudden, I was standing at the head of my body, looking to my left.  I did not see my body (that I can remember) but my vantage point was from there.  To my left, the head nurse started screaming that I was having a severe allergic reaction.  She started running towards the cot & then tripped over someone's I.V..  I remained calm, watching this like I had no stake in this.  Like a scientist observes something under his microscope. 

The next thing I remember was flying at some high speed through a tube.  It was bright colors of purples, reds, blues.  Then, I found myself in a tunnel.  Everything I saw from here on was in shades of blacks, whites, grays, silver.  I was walking.  Something from my left side reached out towards me.  Someone on my right side slapped the "hand" away.  It fell to the floor of the tunnel.  I turned & helped it back up.  I took it's hands & positioned them back to the walls of the tunnel.  I knew that the one on my right was my guardian angel/guide, who was protecting me.  The one on my left was a soul that had done a lot of "bad" things & was terrified of going into the light.  I could see marks on this soul.  They appeared almost like veins on it's "body".  The soul was lit from within & these black marks were all over it.  I did not see my guardian, that I can remember. 

I opened my eyes & saw the nurse putting an oxygen mask over my mouth.  I was weird because it was like I wasn't quite there.  I was looking out of my eyes but I wasn't really part of my body.  I heard that flat beep of the monitors once again. 

Again, I was at a vantage point at the head of my body, watching all of this very calmly.  A man, black hair, black mustache was sitting up across from me.  He was yelling "someone help her, please!  For God's sake, someone help her!" 

My next memory was of darkness all around me.  In front of my stood this very tall being.  He was illuminated from the inside, made of white light.  I could see myself, also.  It was again, for lack of a better word, weird.  It was like I was looking at my soul.  It too was lit from within.  I had a few "scars" but they were nothing like what I had seen on that other soul. 

Then I was in front of this being, looking at him.  I knew he was holy.  I felt this was God appearing to me as I had always imagined him.  An old man with a large beard.  He had taken on this persona so that I would not be afraid. 

I felt safe.  I have never felt so safe in my life.  And love.  So much love.  He did not judge me, as my religion had taught me so long ago.  There was compassion.  It was overwhelming, so much that I can still feel it today.  It is so very hard to describe.  Everything was right.  Everything was as it should be.  There was no wrong.  Calmness.  Tranquility.  It was incredible! 

He held forward a small treasure box, just like the ones that carry pirates treasures.  He said "TAKE THESE GIFTS HOME WITH YOU".  That's it.  That is all. 

I woke up as they were in the process of wheeling me back to my room.  My daughter & friend were there, crying.  It was almost 5p.m..  I had the oxygen mask off & was on an I.V..  I ripped the mask off & kept telling everyone that the tunnel was real.  Oh My God.  It was true.  I had never believed but now it had happened.  It was all real. 

I had no pain.  None.  I later found out that my friend had tried to get answers from the nurses, because my operation that should have taken approximately two hours, including recovery time, had gone on all day.  They ignored her & kept telling her they would find out.  They told her nothing.  She had called my brother, telling him that it did not look good.  That I was not coming back up.  He had called my parents, who became frantic & started looking for flights. 

Two nurses at the end of my bed kept shaking their heads & talking about the morphine.  I had been given six bags of Benadryl to counteract the effects. 

I went to see my doctor about a week or so later.  I had not noticed but I had a large bruise underneath my left breast.  She was amazed at how I was doing.  I also kept asking her if hearing was the last thing to go, when you die.  She said she did not know.   

I have since learned, through this site, that it is. 

Approximately one month later, I began hearing voices.  At first it sounded like a radio.  There were three distinct voices.  A heavy male, average male, & a female voice.  They were discussing the upcoming war with Iraq.  How Bush had a hidden agenda.  At that time, I wasn't following any of this on the news, except every once & a while when they did a special which interrupted something I was watching.  It was mostly, on the news, whether Bush was going to go to war.  Nothing was known at that time.  The voices however kept referring to World War 3 & how this would lead to it.  They would laugh & they discussed this amongst themselves.  It sounded exactly like a news program. 

Well it started driving me crazy.  I lived alone then.  I am on a corner lot with a fence running around where my bedroom is situated.  The voices were in the room, it seemed.  I went all over my house, trying to find a radio that had been left on.  My brother had moved out about six months ago, having finally finished building his house, so I thought maybe, just maybe, he had left a radio on upstairs.  I found nothing.  I started asking if there was any way that my house might be able to pick up radio signals.  It has special walls that act as a sound barrier, since I am in the airplane fly zone.  Might the metal be attracting the signal?  I could get no answers.  Just a lot of laughs. 

I also began seeing things.  Things that came true.  I saw the "end of the world".  I also kept seeing these black & white shaded "films".  Over & over I would see them.  Different little snippets of "movies" I had never seen before.  All dressed in the garb you see in biblical stories or artist portraits of religious events.  My doctor started writing things down.  My "predictions".  In December of 2002 I was told when the Iraq war would start.  I told my doctor & she wrote this down. 

When my "predictions" came true, I would race over to her office.  We found this very exciting, however I was off by one day, in regards to when the war started. 

Things kept getting crazier.  The voices were everywhere now.  There were more of them now.  If I shut my ears I could still hear them in my head.  Just like someone was speaking to me.  It definitely was not thoughts.  It was actual voices. 

I decided to record my subconscious by turning on a new voice-activated tape recorder & placing it above my bed.  I had been told that I talk during my sleep.  As I was doing this (using a new little cassette tape), I kept telling "them" that if this was real & if I was not losing my mind, I wanted concrete evidence.  On & on I kept repeating this. 

The next morning, when I replayed the tape, I could hear myself using expletives because I was having problems positioning the tape.  Then a tinny male voice from far away (sounding) said "we need an amount".  Wow!  There is no way that it could have picked up anyone else, as to where my bedroom is situated.  We need an amount.  They had been showing me throughout my lifetime, with unusual things happening, which I just put off as co-incidences.  They were asking me how much I needed before I believed.  I was in awe. 

I started buying books on NDE's.  On psychics stories.  I tried scrying.  I saw my aura, after a few tries.  I saw a purplish cloud above my head with silver lightning coming out of it.  I finally started to see my guides.  I had four.  One night, I was scrying & I asked them what this was all about.  Why were they here?  Why was I seeing & hearing things? 

At the bottomed of my mirror I saw the head & shoulders of a man.  He was bald.  His head fell back like he had been hung.  He floated across the mirror & some letters, 3 or 4 were scribbled next to him.  Then a voice softly told me to call Bonnie, an acquaintance.  I prayed. 

When I called Bonnie the next day, she was hysterical.  She was on her way to Saskatchewan.  Her son had tried to commit suicide.  He lived in this small house quite a way from the main roads.  A man with a black truck decided to go out for a drive that night, previous.  He passed her son's house & noticed him hanging from the ceiling.  He quickly stopped, broke the living room window & cut him down.  He was now in the Winnipeg (Manitoba) hospital. 

I was frozen.  She said for me to pray for him.  His name was Chad. 

The next day, I went for tests, as I had some problems breathing, since my operation.  The lab exists within a mall.  I stopped to have some lunch before heading off for another round of tests.  The voices started telling me about the "mark of God" that is referred to in the bible.  They were somehow getting me to look at certain people saying "look, he doesn't have it.  She doesn't have it.  He does...." etc.  The mark was in the form of an eye in the middle of the forehead.  They made me notice a child.  They said "see, he does not have the mark.  Even though he is a child, he has lived before.  He is back because he still has to work off his karma.  He has done many evil things in his prior lives that he must atone for in this one."  I didn't even believe in reincarnation...... 

I started getting more afraid.  I was definitely losing my mind.  They said that even God hadn't realized how much human's could debase themselves.  To the evil that we could sink to.  That things were going to be done to change this.  The souls being born were at an even more disadvantage, as time went on.  Our family foundations had disintegrated.  Our values had disappeared.  The amount of souls that he thought were going to be saved had severely diminished. 

I said "how can God have been wrong?"....they answered that yes, even HE had been wrong.  Even He could not have fathomed our way of life.  How much hate & hurt we could cause each other.  How we could not love our children & hurt them the way we do. 

Okay....definitely.  I know I am losing my mind, I thought.  One thing I believed.  God is never wrong.  The fear got a hold of me.  I became terrified.  I started seeing these evil images.  I did not sleep.  I ended up going 4 days without sleep.  I was a basket case. 

I ended up signing myself into the psyche ward at the hospital, in January 2003.  I truly thought I had lost my mind.  I met with the head of psychiatry at the hospital.  I did not seem to have DID (multiple personality disorder), schizophrenia or anything else they could apply this to.  I held a very responsible, analytical job.  I owned my own home.  My finances were very good.  I had stocks.  RRSPs.  I KNEW I should not be seeing or hearing these things.   

I was very lucky that this doctor was from the east.  He told me he thought it might be something quite different.  He did not think I was losing my mind.  They ran more tests, including cat scans.  Nothing showed up.  I was aware of my surroundings, who I was etc..  I baffled them. 

My family doctor had a funny feeling about me.  She started to call around at work & my home looking for me, making sure I was alright.  She ended up calling my brother who told her where I was.  She showed up late Tuesday night.  She told me I should have gone to her.  That I was not crazy.  That she had my "predictions" written down.  I was not crazy!   

She spoke to the psychiatrist & told him everything.  He met with me & told me that he had heard of people like me, however he did not know how to help me.  He told me I should try & find a "spiritual" psychiatrist.  One who dealt with these kinds of things, that could help me.  I went home that same day.  Wednesday. 

I have since then tried to understand what is happening.  I do not go looking to try things like scrying or looking at my aura etc..  I am too afraid.  I swing between wondering if it might be an mental illness science has not detected yet or that this is real.  I lived in shame, wondering at what point I would end up losing my mind.  Not remember who I was or jump off a roof thinking I could fly.  In short, I did not trust myself. 

I went for some more tests this last year.  Christmas of 2005 an MRI showed that I have a denser mass of protons in the central gyrus, near the vertex.  It's in the temporal lobe in the psychic region.  Where the personality resides.  It sent back a strong signal.  They do not know what it is.

I then went for an EEG.  I showed alpha, beta &....theta waves.  Theta waves are only seen when asleep or in deep meditation.  They also found that in the left temporal lobe, same region, I am picking up a signal, where there should be none.  It feeds through the frontal lobe & then into the same region that the MRI had picked up.  It's not epilepsy be it the seizure or non-seizure kind.  They suggested doing a sleep deprived one. 

The same thing happened on the sleep deprived one (also no caffeine, food, or water was allowed).  This time the theta waves were almost close to a delta signal.  Again the signal coming through my left temporal lobe with the same path.  No tumors, abnormality, etc.. 

So.....I am operating in what they call an altered state..... 

I have been buying books & watching documentaries.  I have such a thirst for knowledge, it knows no boundaries.  Psychic stories, NDE's, learning to read EEG's, different types of brain waves & what they mean.  What is consciousness?  Different types of mental diseases.  Quantum psychics, string theory.  Hypnosis.  Philosophy.  Re-incarnation.  Space & energy fields around the earth.  How these energy fields can affect us.  HARRP.  What have I not read would be a shorter list.....I try to stick to the papers of books scientists & doctors have written with the exception of the psychic accounts. 

I still work.  I have been promoted to team lead of my group.  I have "found" so many "lost" revenues for my company.  How I know where to look remains a mystery.  I just do. 

I still see & hear.  I have learned to block most of this, as it scares me.  Part of me still believes I am mentally ill.  My family knows.  Very few friends.  They cannot explain.  However, if I do get the lotto numbers, please let them know, haha. 

The voices tell me that there are other dimensions.  That they are alive but in another one of these dimensions.  That we live forever.  That all they want, the ONENESS (I think this is the reference to who we term as GOD), is that we love each other.  That we do not hurt each other.  That we remember who we are. 

They have told me that (supposedly) I am not from here.  That I came into mortal body to help stop what is going on around us.  I came to prove that the ONENESS is in us all.  Is in everything.  That we are forever.  They came here with me to help me.  Only one of us came in the human body, me, while they remain in a higher vibration so they can help me.  They say I come from a higher vibration.  That I need to remember who I am.  I (according to them) have the ability to heal, to manifest, to speak to other dimensions (& the dead).  All I need to do is believe.  Such a simple thing you would think but with this analytical brain of mine, I can't help but think I am losing it.  That would seem more real that what I am seeing & hearing. 

I go back & forth.  Sometimes I believe I have lost my mind.  Other times, especially when I remember what that Divine Being said & gave to me, I think that they might be real.  The fight inside me still rages.  They tell me we are running out of time.......I am still searching for an answer.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes    unclear on this question.  I had died & had 2 back to back NDE's so I am confused.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  As soon as I was out of my body.  All the way through to waking on my way to my next NDE & through that one. I would say, up until I awoke as they were wheeling me back to my room.  I do have lapses in my memory, though.  I can't remember everything.  Only pieces.  It's not because of time that has gone by.  The things I remember now are the only things that I remembered right after it happened.  What I remember now is exactly what I remember in 2002.  It feels like it just happened.  It bothers me that I can't remember all of it, even back then.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?          More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:        I KNEW.  I wasn't surprised with what was happening.  I was so calm.  When I was in front of the Divine Being, all the safeness & love were so much more real.  Everything felt right.  I was no stranger to this.  Everything was so amazingly clear.  I understood what was happening.  I could even see more than just ahead.  I could see around me & even out of my self, when I saw my own soul.  So hard to explain.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?          Yes    please see 5.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
          Yes    lips did not move.  It was pure mind to mind contact.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          same as 5.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?        Yes    The next thing I remember was flying at some high speed through a tube.  It was bright colors of purples, reds, blues.  Then, I found myself in a tunnel.  I did not see colors then.  Only shades of black, whites, silvers, greys.

Did you see a light?         Uncertain     I don't remember all of my NDE. I do remember seeing a bright whitish blue light at the end.

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    The next thing I remember was flying at some high speed through a tube.  It was bright colors of purples, reds, blues.  Then, I found myself in a tunnel.  Everything I saw from here on was in shades of blacks, whites, grays, silver.  I was walking.  Something from my left side reached out towards me.  Someone on my right side slapped the "hand" away.  It fell to the floor of the tunnel.  I turned & helped it back up.  I took it's hands & positioned them back to the walls of the tunnel.  I knew that the one on my right was my guardian angel/guide, who was protecting me.  The one on my left was a soul that had done a lot of "bad" things & was terrified of going into the light.  I could see marks on this soul.  They appeared almost like veins on it's "body".  The soul was lit from within & these black marks were all over it.  I did not see my guardian, that I can remember. 

I opened my eyes & saw the nurse putting an oxygen mask over my mouth.  I was weird because it was like I wasn't quite there.  I was looking out of my eyes but I wasn't really part of my body.  I heard that flat beep of the monitors once again. 

Again, I was at a vantage point at the head of my body, watching all of this very calmly.  A man, black hair, black mustache was sitting up across from me.  He was yelling "someone help her, please!  For God's sake, someone help her!" 

My next memory was of darkness all around me.  In front of my stood this very tall being.  He was illuminated from the inside, made of white light.  I could see myself, also.  It was again, for lack of a better word, weird.  It was like I was looking at my soul.  It too was lit from within.  I had a few "scars" but they were nothing like what I had seen on that other soul. 

Then I was in front of this being, looking at him.  I knew he was holy.  I felt this was God appearing to me as I had always imagined him.  An old man with a large beard.  He had taken on this persona so that I would not be afraid. 

I felt safe.  I have never felt so safe in my life.  And love.  So much love.  He did not judge me, as my religion had taught me so long ago.  There was compassion.  It was overwhelming, so much that I can still feel it today.  It is so very hard to describe.  Everything was right.  Everything was as it should be.  There was no wrong.  Calmness.  Tranquility.  It was incredible! 

He held forward a small treasure box, just like the ones that carry pirates treasures.  He said "TAKE THESE GIFTS HOME WITH YOU".  That's it.  That is all.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?   Uncertain     Again, I only remembered certain parts of my NDE when I awoke.  This was not one of them

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         Uncertain     I only remembered certain parts of my NDE when I awoke.  This was not one of them

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?          Uncertain     I only remembered certain parts of my NDE when I awoke.  This was not one of them

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain     It just felt right.  I understood fully where I was.  It was almost like my life was sleeping & I had just woken up.  I knew the difference.....this was reality.  The other hadn't been.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes    Yes.  I knew who I really was & why I was here.  I was given gifts to help me remember who I am & why I am here, because I had forgotten when I was born into the body.  It looks like I may have forgotten again, however they are here telling me why I am here, in the present.  I think this was one of the gifts given to me.  Now all I have to do is believe them......

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain     I only remembered certain parts of my NDE when I awoke.  This was not one of them

Did you become aware of future events?      Uncertain
          I only remembered certain parts of my NDE when I awoke.  This was not one of them.  However, when I am "open" to listening & seeing, I do see what will happen in the future.  It's not like I can say what is going to happen to so & so.  It's just whatever they want me to see & know about.  I don't do this anymore, even though sometimes it will come through, because I am afraid

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?       Yes    Voices, see beings, other dimensions, "films" in snippets.  Think it might be prior lives????  Not sure.  Don't know

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    I do share the NDEs because it was so real.  Because it happened.  Because not everyone is as fortunate as I have been.  Because I do not want anyone to be afraid of dying & I want them to feel better when they lose someone.  It has helped many get over their grief, or lessen it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes    Yes but I did not believe in it.  Shirley McLain was the 1st incident I heard of.  I thought she was crazy.  when I heard a few more, I still believed these people had lost their minds of had been on some hallucinatory trip.  You know those Hollywood types teehee.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   It still feels real, after so many years.  I can "feel" it still.  It's like it was more real than my life now.  It is like I am in a play, pretending to be a certain person but the real me knows this isn't real.  The other side is real.  I felt whole & here it seems there is something missing

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes.  Not being judged.  The safeness & love I felt.  The being giving me a treasure box & telling me to take the gifts home with me.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:          Experience was definitely real         see 40.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Yes    I do not judge like I used to.  I have learned to let things go.  I almost never get angry.  I don't blame anyone anymore.  I believe now that certain things are meant to be or done for a certain reason.  I had a very bad marriage & I divorced prior to the NDE's.  I hurt & was bitter.  Now I understand that I had it that way for a reason.  It has taught me that I can control my life & that I can't control someone else (or their life).  No matter how crazy that other person seems to be & how much you try to show them (& the rest of society tries to show them), they will only take from it what they want or they will spin it so that they are alright with it.  You have got to see for yourself that your actions are bad.  No-one else can show you

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I believe in God more than I did.  I believe that we never end.  I believe that we are all attached in some way.  That we are all the same.  That we make mistakes because we are in human form & have picked up all our baggage because of our experiences & upbringing.  We are all loving, caring beings at the core.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No         

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?       I wish I could show others & have them experience what I did.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? No      Examples is 32 & 33.  I don't remember parts of my NDEs when I awoke.  On 32 you ask if I came to a border or boundary.  I say I cannot remember.  33 though, you are trying to narrow down something that I say I cannot remember or am unsure of.  Same with 34 & 35.  When you are trying to narrow down something, you should also have an uncertain category (on the 2nd question) otherwise it would seem to contradict the 1st question

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Just the questions that ask something in which you have an uncertain category & then follow it with another question that would only seem to fit if the person had answered anything but uncertain category, in the prior question...make sense?  Please see 46.  Just to elaborate on 46:  You ask Did you become aware of future events:  no, yes, uncertain.  You then followed with:  did scenes from the future come to you from world's future, from personal future, neither.