Lindsey J's NDE

Experience description: 

I had had minor ENT surgery to create two holes in my sinuses due to a long term problem. The operation was satisfactory and I returned home after a one night stay in hospital. That night I slept satisfactory but awoke the following morning with a terrible headache.  The pain through out the day became unbearable, and my left eye and cheek became very swollen and black through internal bleeding. I was readmitted into hospital where I had a brain scan to determine whether the ENT surgeon had accidentally pierced the brain lining. The scan was negative and as I showed all the symptoms of mellingitus, intense neck pain, headache and photo phobia I was treated with intravenous antibiotics and painkillers.

Three days later I hadn't really improved much at all, and I stood to get into a wheelchair to see an ophthalmic doctor about my eye. After walking a short way I started to feel very ill indeed. Sweat started to pour from my head and forehead as if taps had been turned on and I felt very sick. The nurses tried to put me back into bed when I passed out.

The next thing I remember is brightness, very similar to somebody sitting in the clouds and their was my old friend Stuart. Stuart had died some 24 years ago at the age of 21 from cancer. he looked his old self, the healthy version of him which was quite chubby, not the gaunt skinny person he had become during his illness. His hair had grayed around the temples exactly how he probably would have looked now if he had lived. I said to him "You've gone grey"

He held out his hand and said to me "Come on Linds, take my hand"

I looked at him and said "I can't your dead"

It was very peaceful and I didn't feel fearful at all.

He held out his hand again and said "Come on"

I looked at him and said "No, I can't your dead"

The next thing I remember is being sick and being attached to various medical machines.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Yes

      Explanation:  Codeine based pain killers and intravenous drips.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I was very ill with a infection due to surgery and collapsed after several days on antibiotics. My experience happened at that time, although my husband questioned the medical team and they stated that at no time was my life in any threat. I am not so sure about that.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  During this time I was unconscious but appeared to be alert and knew exactly what I was saying to my dead friend.

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  I felt very peaceful and very surprised to speak to my dead friend. there was no panic whatsoever.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  Complete and utter silence.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  Uncertain

      Describe:  There was a very bright light surrounding Stuart but it wasn't a tunneled light. It was as if he was sitting on top of a cloud on a very bright sunny day.

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  As mentioned above.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I felt as if I was sitting in the clouds speaking with my friend.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  When my friend asked me to take his hand and go with him, I refused, twice.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  No

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I feel quite frightened. It took me two weeks to tell my husband about my experience. I know it was real but I wasn't sure if sharing the experience with any one else is a good idea.

It had made me think a lot about my experience. I do not know if it was an NDE and I feel frightened that I do not understand it.

It has made me think more about death and the fact that there is life after death.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  It hasn't really affected my relationship with anybody. I would like lots of answers but I guess I am unlikely to ever understand the experience.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  When I told my husband about my experience and I said that my friend had aged and had look as he was likely to have looked now and gone grey, my husband said that he thought people remained the same age in heaven. He suggested that Stuart may not have gone to heaven at all. This completely freaked me out as it wasn't something that had ever crossed my mind. I had great difficulty sleeping after his comments. (Which he later apologized for!)

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Immediately after the experience I remember feeling very frightened about what had happened, but I was happy to be back in the hospital ward.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  There was no good part of the experience. I wished it hadn't happened. The worst part is the thousands of unanswered questions that I know have.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I would like to know if there is any way I will be ever able to come to terms with knowing whether this experience was real ?

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  At the moment I feel very frightened of the unexplained. I also wonder whether the hospital were telling the truth when they said at no time was my life ever in danger. Is it possible to have these experiences when your life is not in danger?

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  I would be very grateful if the answers to some of my questions asked in the questionnaire be answered.

I am also unsure whether to share the experience with my ENT surgeon, but I am unsure if he will think that I am completely crazy! Do you have any advice.