Leanne V's NDE

Experience description: 

I was in a dark space. There were lots of other around me, both to my sides,  above and below. The dark space I was in was almost "soupy", like it was filled with liquid mercury and I was floating in that mercury.

There was a lighted "doorway" above me, and the light from outside flooded the vast room I was in. I was struggling to make it to the doorway, but I knew I couldn't make it yet. I knew I had to stay and help the people who were crying out below.

 Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  I was on life-support and was unconscious due to either the damage to my brain or to drugs - not sure exactly. But I'm pretty sure I would have been on drugs to knock me out.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  The strength of emotion I felt makes it difficult. But mainly I find that even though I'm usually a good communicator, this is one thing I can't talk about. It's been 12 year and I still start crying when I think about it.

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  Viral encephalitis. I was in ICU on life-support for two weeks, and in hospital for a month.

 What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  It was more real than anything I've felt. I was very much awake and "with it".

Was the experience dream like in any way?  In so much that it was in a place I couldn't imagine existing, yes. But it was very real.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  It was a very physical experience, but the physicality was to do with my mind, not my body. It was my mind that was moving and reaching and floating, not my body.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Terrible fear for the people below. I was scared that I would fall off the light beam and fall down. Also desperation to reach the doorway.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  I could hear the people crying, but it wasn't hearing them so much  as sensing them.

 Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Yes

      Describe:  I was in an enclosed space, but it was huge. I feel sure that  the lighted doorway led to "outside"

 Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  The light was like a doorway, with light flooding from the doorway into the dark space I was in, creating a path. I felt like I was moving along the path, but my hold was tenuous, like walking along a light beam that could collapse at any moment.

 Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

      Describe:  My family were down below. They wanted me to help them and stay with them.

 Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  Since the experience I have known how precious life is. I became a vegan and a practicing Wiccan. Very involved with environmentalism and the earth-religion movement.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

      Describe:  It was separate from everyday experience, like being on a different layer of existence. 

 Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  The lighted doorway that I wanted to get to was beautiful. The light coming from it was richer than regular light.

 Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  I think I was in a different time. Certainly not in a place or time that has happened here on earth.

 Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  That all life is precious.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes

      Describe:  I couldn't get through the doorway. If I could, I wouldn't have come back.  But I don't know where it went.

 Did you become aware of future events?  No response

 Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Yes

      Describe:  I was aware that I couldn't go through the doorway and leave the people I love behind. But I'm not sure whether it was a decision or just something I couldn't do. I'm not aware that the decision was made for me.

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I've become very empathic since, and call zone in on what others feel. I can sometimes hear what they're thinking.

 Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I became a Wiccan, founded a religious group. I also became vegan, and founded a website and associated newsgroup. I'd been neither Wiccan or Vegan beforehand.

 Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  It's made me a much more moral person, and a stronger person. Although I work as a writer, I consider my "real" work to be the work I do for  the Wiccan and Vegan communities.

 Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Some people suspect that the drugs I was on might be involved. I think that would be possible, except for the way in which it affected every aspect of my life. I have been a different person ever since. The close friends I have told know that it's true, and it has affected their lives too.

 What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Fear. Pain. A knowledge that it will happen again and that scares me, because I know that next time my family won't be there to hold me back.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best was knowing the light exists. The worst was knowing that there were people down below that I couldn't reach to help.

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Uncertain

 Please offer any suggestions you have to improve the www.nderf.org questionnaire?  I guess I'm writing this because I need to know that others out there have been through the same experience.