Kevin P's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

It was the early morning, I guess 4:30 AM. Around dawn, foggy. I stood there on the tracks, facing the first train coming from the northeast, a town called Hagen. I could see it coming for about a kilometer, or so. One should think the train would come nearer in a continuous way, but I didn't experience it like that. It was more like it came in leaps at me, about a five maybe. I remember wondering about the dimness of the headlights. Anyways, the last visual experience I can remember is the engine looming like a giant above me, maybe three to five meters away. (Looked like this: http://railfaneurope.net/pix/de/electric/111/S-Bahn/111_150-188/pix.html )

Then it hit me hard, but it wasn't that painful. What I now describe must have happened in a few seconds or even in a split-second only. When it hit me I immediately blacked out, which means I lost sight, and awareness of my body and its orientation. But I heard six sharp wet/crunching/cracking sounds which must have been the breaking bones in my right upper arm which I remember to have raised before me instinctively in the last moment. I heard the train rushing by and smelled the odor of working electro motors but felt no pain. Then the blackness changed to a red/pinkness and I felt myself dwindling away. I thought: "Das war alles? Das war ja einfach! (This was all? That was easy!)" and imagined some sort of grin. Then I felt only warmth and nothing more.

This is where the actual experience begins.

I SAW myself lie beside the track, the last two wagons of the train passing me, not slowing down. I remember to asking myself how this could be, but shrugged it  off, more or less. I felt detached, which I actually was. My right arm was torn off at the shoulder, right with the sleeve from the coat I've worn. Blood gushed out, it colored all darker than the surroundings. The right back of my skull seemed smashed in, red/white/yellow pulp/gore there with a few strands of my hair in it. Usually a sight which would made me vomit, I guess. But I just "saw" this  and felt nothing about it. Then I began to move, I can't say by being pulled, or drawn into something, it just felt so, moving while not being aware of what moved. But I didn't miss that part of awareness. I remember some sort of place, dense with "people" talking, and myself rushing trough that place at an insane speed, but not bumping into anyone/thing. I said people because that is like what it felt, they talked, I could "hear" them all, but not about what, or in which language they talked. But I knew it was talk.

By maybe a few thousand to a few ten thousandths, not hundred thousandths or millions. I couldn't describe what it looked like, because it was just a grey whirl to me which I raced through or more like been raced through. Then I felt like slowing down and being stopped in what seemed absolutely like space near the earth to me. At least that was what I would imagine from movies. Somewhere near earth, but at least a little farther out than the moon, because earth was not bigger than the moon usually is. I remember seeing Europe, Asia, Africa, parts of North America and the northern Ice shelf through the clouds. I remember being totally absorbed with that sight and wondering what is happening here to me. While wondering about that I more felt than heard something like a voice which sounded in me, asking something like: "Was machst/willst Du denn schon hier? / What are you looking for/What do you want already here?" Which made me respond like: "Welches Arschloch fragt das, und was ist hier überhaupt los? / Which asshole is asking that and what's going on here?" Where I then felt something like consternation from that being, and at least three others "nearing", but not from the place I rushed through at first.

Actually I had no real sense of place and direction, I just sensed this was different, could see the earth like I already described, and felt "others" moving in. I did not "see" them, I could not "hear" them, but could reach them nonetheless, like they could me. "They" just "were", not gods, not aliens, not other dead people, not ghosts, but "they" felt human, or at least someone who "talked" exactly like what I would think of as human. I didn't feel the need to ask that, except of my initial question which I felt sort of being discussed by them. But not answered. Instead some other "voice", distinctively different from the first one said something like "Komm mal mit/Come along" to me. And it just happened so, that what was I did not walk, not glide, but somehow "move" with that one, into another place where I could "see" nothing but stars, but so much brighter and with colors. Then this being told me it would show me things, and without questioning that I said something like: "Sure, go on..."

What happened then I can only describe as picture/movie storm or information overload with very few explaining. I remember seeing the earth from different heights, at different places and different times, natural catastrophes, changing coastlines, cloud patterns, changing continents, changing (land) marks of civilization, like some madman's view of all possibilities in fast-forward in some simulation. This lasted for three days, at least I remember being talked to go to "sleep" for three times. Then I awoke in agony besides the tracks, no torn off right arm and I didn't dare to think about my head. I just lay there on my left side, my whole right side a source of pain and thought this couldn't be true? This MUST NOT be true? Anyways, saw bright white/blue sparks dancing before my eyes, grayed out, blacked out. Awoke again, fumbled with my left arm for my cell phone in my coat pocket, set it to free speaker, called emergency and told the unbelieving operator to send some ambulance and get me. Which wasn't that easy because I didn't know where exactly this place on the tracks was. After what seemed like an endless time to me the emergency doctor arrived with the police. Asked me where it hurt, I said my whole right side, especially my arm, my head. He asked where on my head, which made me wonder why he would do that? So I carefully checked with my left hand, and it seemed ok, no blood on it either. I couldn't believe that, gasped relieved for breath and said: "but..."

Then he wanted to cut my clothes off to see my arm, but I didn't want that, so I wriggled very slowly out of my coat and sweater to see my arm. Wasn't an open break. Then there was the question how I could get to the ambulance which was 150 to 200 meters away. For whatever reason, I didn't want to be carried on a stretcher, so I actually walked.

So what happened? I can't tell, I survived this with a badly broken arm, and in real-time this could have lasted no more than 10 to 15 minutes, because later I learned that they stopped the train at a station to question the engineer. Couldn't been longer, because then it would be at another station. I never told a doctor about this, so far. I certainly haven't been clinically dead in that time either, even if, no one who suffered that should be able to walk a few minutes after that. And yet I can remember me seeing myself with torn off arm and partially smashed in skull.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     Way too much out of the context of usual daily life. Way too many doubts if this happened at all, or due to some so far not understood "mechanism" ones own brain tries to approximate whatever happens into nearest known approximations.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I tried to commit suicide by being rolled over by a train traveling at ca. 120 kp/h.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I think during the whole time, except of when I have been told to get rest/go to sleep.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I think during the whole time, except of when I have been told to get rest/go to sleep.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     What I saw, I saw very much clearer, but I saw only the things I had the feeling which was I allowed to see. So no "super-x-ray-vision" at everything.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I can't remember to hear that much. Except of the "voices", but these again were more like telepathy, not even in a language, but the "message", the "concept" was right there.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            At first doubt, disbelief. Later wondering, serenity, calmness.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      I did pass a "place" at high speed without bumping into anyone or anything, though it felt very crowded. But it was open, nothing like a tunnel, or even something with a roof over it.

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      While I was racing, rushing, gliding, flying, whatever trough this first place with the many people, I had for a short time the feeling I'd move towards something which warms me, like the rising sun on your face after a cold night, or a camp fire. A pleasant feeling. But when I've arrived there I felt like hanging in space, though not cold or afraid of that.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I do not know who they were and when I asked I got no answer to it. Where they were I have no clue, from what I have seen (The Earth from very far above) my best guess would be somewhere in what we call space behind the Moon. But another guess of me would be, different people would see other things and places and therefore guess different. What was communicated wasn't that much, except of their question what I would want here so soon, the consternation about my irritated backfiring to that, that I should come along to see things, and that I should rest/sleep after the picture/movie storm.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Uncertain      I later tried to ingest things about continental formation on a popular science level. The animations and graphics I've seen partly resemble what I remember from my experience.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Uncertain      I clearly remember seeing Earth from space, somewhere behind Moons Orbit, because Earth seemed small. Not bigger as full moon which is high in the sky, at least.

I also remember to haven't seen some "abstract" Earth, but the continents Europe, Africa, Asia, half of the northern Ice shelf, very tiny part of North America and a tiny part of Australia. Which is why I now have exactly that sight, but without clouds as my desktop background drawn by program called x-planet.

And I never ever intend to change this.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I felt like I was traveling distances at unlikely speeds. On the other hand I had no real sense of distance.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            I just saw planet Earth in some "godlike/satellite/birds eye" view from above, I haven't been aware of the lives there, or say...political events. I just got the feeling that things are like they are, but they could be absolutely different also and that "we" as humans are nothing special and could be wiped out anytime by different events. But that it doesn't really matters.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     Clairvoyance it is called, I think. When you dream something very vivid, say you see a place which you don't know where it is, and a few years later you just happen to be there under absurd circumstances and question your sanity because so much déjà-vu just can't happen.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     After 4 Years to very few persons. Some told me to investigate into "Esoterics", which I did, but came to the conclusion that it doesn't help me because it's a too wide field and too much nonsense in parts of it. They try to give them names, which is understandable. But maybe there is no language to really express what is meant, or is. Mostly I now prefer to let it just be.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I heard/read about some people seeing a white light through a tunnel and seeing "god" at the end of it. After having an accident, or being in hospital, or so.