Kat M's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I was in a horribly abusive marriage that I didn't know how to escape from. He mentioned something about 'til death do us part' one night, and it gave me an idea. I locked myself in the bathroom and swallowed, one pill at a time, two bottles of sleeping pills. things got really fuzzy really fast. I figured I would go to sleep and it would be over, but as soon as I fell asleep, I just rose out of my body. my mother somehow knew something was happening from 45 miles away, and she called 911. amazingly, they believed her and sent out an ambulance. I remember watching my then husband look at me, not breathing, and walk out the door. he got in his truck and drove away. I could hear his thoughts about how angry he was at me for 'doing this to him'

I watched the paramedics start my heart beating, and the room went fuzzy. I have a brief memory of being in my body again, and then I was floating. once we reached the hospital, I phased in and out of my body, mostly floating in a blissful void, where I couldn't feel any pain. I heard a voice that said simply 'wake up, wake up now' and felt an excruciating, stabbing pain in my chest. I watched, from my body, a needle coming out of my chest, and realized they had shot adrenaline into my heart and started it again. the rest of the night was spent listening to that voice telling me to wake up.

I hallucinated for weeks afterward. I saw dead people, and they would follow me. they told me I didn't belong among the living, that I should have stayed with them.

I still see them sometimes, whenever I'm sleep deprived, I see and hear the same things...you shouldn't be breathing, you belong with us...

I feel like I carry a piece of death around with me, like I'm not really alive. I'm just pretending to live, the walking dead.

I've become obsessed with death and the idea of the undead because I feel like I'm one of them

there are times I want to go back. it's comforting knowing someday I'll be there. I sometimes feel trapped here, in this body and this life, and the only reason I hold on is because I feel my kids need me

even when everything is happy in my life, there is always something missing. it's like my life is really someone else's, or it's not supposed to be happening

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     things seemed to happen all at once, without a linear timeline

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    when I saw my body and watched the paramedics reviving me. I could hear every sound and see every movement in great detail, like it was all in slow motion.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            when I saw my body and watched the paramedics reviving me. I could hear every sound and see every movement in great detail, like it was all in slow motion.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     I saw everything very clearly just after my heart stopped. when the paramedics got a heartbeat, everything went fuzzy and I felt a little like I was on a boat, rocking in the water

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I heard absolutely no background noise, just voices and the sounds the paramedics made when they were moving their equipment

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            I felt absolutely nothing when I moved outside of my body in the apartment. after my heart stopped the second time, I just felt like I was in a comfortable void. at peace. I felt relieved and calm

I did NOT want to go back in my body

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     it seemed like there was a light behind me, illuminating everything I saw. I never turned around to look at it

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     there was a male voice that kept repeating 'wake up' or 'stay awake'

after a while, he started to tell me things like 'if you let yourself fall asleep again, you won't wake up' and 'open your eyes'

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     my (now ex) husband later told me he had gone for a drive, and that he was angry at me for 'what I did to him'

the doctors verified their conversations and the events that occurred when I was clinically dead

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     time seemed to not exist. I'd see something in slow motion, and then suddenly it would speed up, and I'd be transported to another event a few minutes later

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            later on, I started having 'flash-forwards'...I see things that haven't happened before. they usually follow a pattern of where I can find happiness, but sometimes, they warn me of intense pain I will experience

I saw both of my children months before they were born, and have had flashes moments before car accidents, falls, and anything resulting in injury-mine or my kids'

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     the flash forwards began a few weeks after. I also have an uncanny ability to sense when people close to me are hurt, or when they are about to call me or come over

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     everyone thought I was insane for months. I hallucinated so severely for so long afterward that even I questioned reality

I couldn't talk about any of my feelings for years because every time I started to say something, I was told 'let's not go there' or 'you shouldn't bring that up'