Jule L's NDE

Experience description: 

I've spent years trying to condense the experiences. The first experience was brief, and I didn't remember much. Some dreams of light, but faded. 

2nd experience was traumatic. The early stages strangely familiar. grey void, sensation of movement, no human form, very alone. Then the light, the drawing to it faster and faster. Not prepared for entry. The terrible rejection and falling away. Total loss of spirit. Scared myself out of the drug during the surgery. Dentists noted my reaction. Started an intense curiosity of religion, philosophy, metaphysics, e.s.p., etc.

3rd experience, was familiar now with the grey void, the alone feeling, no human form. Knew the light and the tunnel where next. Still could not enter. As I was drawn closer and closer, could not control my thoughts on just what the light was. There was doubt, fear, the terrible falling away again.  Again, scared myself out of the drug during the surgery. Apparently scared the dentists as they refused to accept me as a patient after that. My mother took me to a different dentist. He was unaware of my reaction. I myself was unsure what was happening as at that time, was no knowledge of NDE's felt somewhat prepared this last time. Everything was expected, and happened exactly the same.

The grey void, the light, the tunnel. I failed again. This time the light reappeared. With much humility, and a great feeling of being honored just to be in its presence, I recognized it as god. Was taken immediately in. This is where the words are hard to come by in the description of being one with the light. It's as though I can describe in human terms that which happens before, but words fail in the description of oneness. I can remember the feeling of hysterical laughter, not physical, but the pure energy that would make one feel that good, and repeating over and over," is this what it's all about". It was wonderful.

Then, this sonar sound.  Distracting. just a bleep, but slowing. Now to a warble, then as clear as can be. It was the dentist screaming at me to open my eyes. He was frantic. Very scared. Nurse was frantically pulling the needle out of my arm. He was violently shaking me by the shoulders. Pleading. My mother was in the waiting room with others. They could hear this man yelling. I haven't been under anesthesia since.

I've spent many hours in the fields sorting out these events. It took many years. I now feel that I understand how it works. I've come to the conclusion that its so simple as not to be understood by most. We simply 'judge ourselves' in the ability to trust totally in that light. That it is good. Without that trust, or faith, the negative NDE I've had a few.  With this knowledge I am convinced that we are given many chances. Not just one as it seems with the falling away. That is my knowledge of the negative NDE.  God is all loving, and forgiving. My knowledge of the positive NDE is as simple. I now feel I can see that light in everyone that I meet. The golden rule. Treat others as you wish to be treated. I will add that there where no religious icons or beings. Just me and the light. My goal in life is to return there.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     previous to the light experience, it took years to sort out. Took longer to describe the experience of light itself as the words where hard to come by in describing it

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     Stopped breathing during surgery

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    high level of alertness and awareness as soon as I entered the grey void

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            Being one with that light is as high of a consciousness that I can attain. Not comparable to everyday life.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Wasn't viewing through human eyes. Was very aware of no human form. In effect, no way to hide your thoughts.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     Very alien sounds. Nothing that could be described

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            At first, loneliness. No one to answer questions such as where am I?. Why am I here. Then curiosity when the light appears. As I'm speeding toward the light, an unsure, uneasy feeling, Then doubt, then the falling away and torment. Very scary stuff. The biblical wailing and gnashing of teeth. But the oneness with light. Ecstasy

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     The grey void does not last long. When the light appears, I am immediately drawn to it faster and faster. Must make a decision then on what that light is. It is much like moving through a tunnel, the light growing larger and larger. Your not given a lot of time to decide.

Did you see a light?           Yes     It was as though I was in a deep well, looking up to see just what that light is and what was 'out there'.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No       It's of my feeling that any human decryptions such as beings or religious icons, means that your still in the physical world. Seems to be an unpopular belief.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     Not so much as a picture review, but condensed as a thought of is the light good or bad. I learned of absolute and total love. An absolute accepting of the end of my human life, therefore, no more fear of death. Makes life so much more enjoyable.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No       Another unpopular theory of mine. Connecting a true NDE to future events, faith healing, etc. is transitory to the event. The message is all that's important.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No            The light can only be described as the ultimate location to be.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Time seemed not to matter

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Everyone has the capacity of love. God is on the inside. Not 'out there' anywhere.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     To enter that light is crossing the boundary of life, and afterlife. I did not want to come back. I was drawn back by a frantic, hysterical dentist yelling and shaking me. He brought me from a long way back.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            Nothing of importance. Little things. Don't spend much time on the substance of it.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      Was operated on at 18 months old for hernia. May have been my first NDE. That was 1955. At 10 yrs old, had an traumatic event of a previous life.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     After a few years shared with certain friends. As I grew to understand, shared more openly. Some showed interest, others not

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    Since there where a number of experiences, I viewed each differently as they occurred.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?            The whole experience is significant to me.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            They where all exactly the same, each time more revealing, more progressive. It was years before I read Moody's first books, and realized the similarities.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     My wife is very aware of the changes. we where just dating when they happened. The changes where very evident. Marriage seems to be difficult at times directly related to my experiences.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            Yes            Was raised catholic. Don't belong to any religion now by choice.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     Always had problems with injections. Passed out, convulsed etc. Niece did college paper on my condition as she is a dentist. Genetic disorder. She won't touch me. lol.  Loss of blood pressure and unconsciousness seems to be a feeling just short of the grayish void. One instance resulted in the previous life event.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          I've contacted NDERF some years ago. I guess this question seems to press at me. Theoretically speaking, if one knew what was important to know about dying, and what happens after, what would one do with that knowledge?. Also, just before I was accepted into that light, I remember asking first, after all the failures," what is it that I can do to be with you?"."How can I serve you?. It's that serving part that's always puzzled me. I now feel that if I could help just one person who is struggling with the negative experience, and reassure them that all is well, that you get another chance. That would be my service. I do remember falling 20 ft from a grain bin once. This did not result in an NDE. But I do remember thinking just before I regained consciousness, what a shame it would be to take this knowledge with me. Wasn't thinking about myself, or family, but about this knowledge. I think that was a 'wakeup call'.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     Just does

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?      None that I can think of.