Judith P's NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I had been in pain all night and by morning, it was unbearable. I had no prior sicknesses, so a doctor was called but couldn't say what might be going on. As the pain got worse, it was decided that my partner should drive me to the hospital about 20mins away. I got into the back of our vehicle, but something inside me knew I wouldn't be alive by the time he drove there, and I asked for an ambulance.

We lived in the country and the ambulance officers were not paramedics, so it was decided they would drive me and meet up with paramedics on the way to hospital.

We had only gone a few minutes drive when I said silently to myself (or God at that point though I wasn't religious, it just seemed instinctive), "Sorry, I can't hold on any more".

I have no memory, even to this day, of leaving my body.  I suddenly found myself way out in space with the sun warming my back and it felt good. Then I realized I was looking at the Earth from out in space and it wasn't solid. It was entirely light energy. I realized I was speeding back in time at tremendous speed and there was a line of light coming out of the Light Earth that was my life summed up. It felt really short in time which surprised me a lot and as I hurtled back in time I felt everything of my life all at once. I felt like I hadn't done much, that it was too short. Then suddenly I became aware that I had nearly reached my birth and I was terrified. I didn't want to re-experience it because of terror attached to it and so I telepathically yelled "NO, don't take me there". Then I felt huge, the Earth felt small and I was circumnavigating it in what amounted to a few seconds. It felt the size of a huge beach ball and I fitted almost around it as I whizzed around.

Next I was in a darkness where I felt suspended and was feeling the enormity of the universe. At first if felt like I was the size of a single drop in a bucket of water and then changed my mind to a drop in the ocean. I felt the Earth's oceans at the same time. As I was feeling insignificant in the enormity, my memory of a writing assignment in 2nd year of college came into my mind where I felt like a failure. We were given the subject of 'time' and were asked to write an essay. I was a straight A grade student all my life and the failure in my mind was because I got a B grade for the essay. I just couldn't get my head around the concept of 'time' when I had to write about it. I didn't think at all about anything more than this planet being reality. At the time of the NDE I didn't 'get' that I was being shown 'no-time eternity' and so all I felt was the failure feeling without the understanding of why it had been so hard a concept and why!

Like before when I had felt terror, soon as I felt the feeling of failure I was transported out of it and into a beautiful, exquisitely still, clear darkness that I could have remained in for ever. Throughout the whole NDE the feeling was of a huge pair of gentle compassionate hands supporting me. The stillness and clarity (clear pristine diamond feeling in my mind and surroundings) co-existed with absolutely everything in possibility. There were things there that I have tried to remember but can't. A vague remembrance of points of light that darted and my feelings moved rather than existed and that it was enormous space forever. Even though perfect stillness and everything in existence happening at the same time seems a paradox on Earth, it wasn't there. There was no comparison to make with anything because it completely erased my memory of Earth while I was 'there'. I can't adequately describe it but now I call it the 'void' because that feels right for it. I do remember thinking "my mind is working so well!!". I felt like an exquisite flawless diamond. Any questions I asked (and I can't remember what my questions or the answers were now) came towards me in an energy wave that I could feel moving towards me in every direction at the same time and was answering the question before I had finished asking it.

It was enormous and personal all at once in that place. I was aware of a 'bubble' of information in my soul's mind over in the distance in front of me, where everything pertaining to Earth was and then I realized that Earth is a dream and not reality and anything pertaining to it was contained, sort of not in reality but within it with borders. Sort of suspended. It wasn't able to mix with reality because it wasn't real but still was acknowledged by the reality where I was.

I don't know how long the experience at that high energy level was but I was just within it marveling for a while and then I found myself hurtling over a soul picture (like all of this was) of green hills in an area of my country of NZ that I wasn't familiar with but knew of. It felt fantastically good and free to zoom over the countryside.

Next I was in the astral. I don't know what I thought it was at the time but now that's how I would name it.

I was just there not moving and it was misty and cloudy with beings I couldn't properly make out, just enough to see they had long garments and cloaks and were telepathically talking to each other but not to me. At first there were just a few but then more and more came into the group and they were getting excited. I vaguely remember sensing my grandmother and was aware that a number of them presented as more female than male. At one point a young male face came right up next to mine and that gave me a fright so I looked away. I was starting to get annoyed that they were all being so nosey because I hadn't yet realized I had left my body. I remember thinking there was some kind of misty veil between them and myself and wondered what was going on. It was about then that I heard a human voice that drew my attention away from the misty people chattering.

I heard one of the ambulance officers saying "I can't find a pulse" and I felt her panic like I was her. She was feeling inadequate to the job and didn't want to be seen as inexperienced by the other officer who was driving, but her fear made her call out. The driver (who was further along in her training) got annoyed (not out loud, just in her head). She was thinking, "you are useless, anyone can find a pulse". I felt compassion for the officer who couldn't locate my pulse though it was a detached kind of compassion. I was busy looking at how the ambulance was full of a bright golden light and could feel the sway of my deadweight body to my right but didn't actually associate it with myself. The driver stopped the vehicle on the side of the road and walked into the back to have a go herself. Suddenly I just put everything together: that I wasn't in my body, what were those places I had just experienced, who are these beings around me and what are they doing, and "oh my god, am I dead?"

Then I instinctively went into a talk with God. That's when I saw ahead of me in the mist and clouds, there was a darkish swirling kind of opening that I could go into and I knew it would open up to a massive expanse of light. I started pleading not to go there and said I would do whatever it took to get back to my kids (I had only just remembered them). I also particularly remembered I had a job to do on Earth that I absolutely had to complete although I had no idea what it was. I felt an enormous connection with the Earth from my stomach area (if I had had one then). No-one answered me so I just kept asking to be put back in my body. Then I felt myself sliding sideways to the right where my body was and I felt the pain hitting me as I kept moving into each part of my body. I immediately wondered if I had made the wrong decision because nowhere in the experience I had just had, did I remember the idea of pain.

The moment I had fully got back into my body was simultaneous with the driving officer putting her fingers on my wrist to find my pulse, which she did.  I felt so bad for the one attending me because I knew she wasn't finding my pulse due to inexperience and the other officer felt justified that her judgment was correct. It made me aware of just how wrongly we can judge people because of our ignorance. From there we met up with the paramedics who took over with pain relief as we drove to the hospital.

By the time we arrived and the painkillers were effective, I felt like a fraud and that there was nothing wrong with me. I sat about in hospital all day while they tried to find out what was going on and at the end of the day a scan showed I had a lot of internal bleeding. I went into surgery and my spleen was found to have spontaneously ruptured, probably some time ago.

The thing that stands out for me is how well I felt after the pain was relieved, so much so that I thought they would send me home, when in fact I was bleeding all the time. I felt that the golden light in the ambulance had something to do with that. Later one of the senior nurses who looked after me for my 10 day hospital stay said; "It amazes me that at no time since you first arrived at hospital was your blood pressure anything but normal". Apparently that was why it took so long for them to get around to scanning me. My stats were normal. There was 3 and a half pints of blood that had leaked out.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain      some parts that appeared paradoxical in an Earthly sense weren't that in 'other realms".

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     internal bleeding

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    In the void

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            In the void

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     In the astral I could simultaneously see into 2 different worlds, astral and earthly. The experience up until the astral (that seemed to be lower in energy) had been a 'soul-seeing". There were no physical pictures but thoughts made pictures instantly and those pictures were instantly a reality I experienced.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            fear, curiosity, wonder, support, compassion.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      When I was 'sitting' in the astral world I knew and felt that if I moved directly ahead in the mist to what looked similar to grey swirling clouds, it would open up into a massive lightness.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     Only in the astral and I didn't know who they were. They seemed to be nosey, wondering what was going on with me though they didn't approach me, nor I them.

More and more of them were gathering in a group and 'chattering' amongst themselves, although the chatter was silent.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     The review was incredibly quick so that I had a sense of what my life was like so far in an overview sense. It was focused on a light line going back from that time to the beginning of this incarnation onto Earth. It seemed like a very short time on Earth and it made me question what I had done so far. I felt intense fear as it got back to the birth time and I asked not to go there again.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes     I heard and felt the ambulance attendant's fear when she announced she couldn't find a pulse. I saw from out of my body that the ambulance driver stopped the vehicle and came into the back to try to find my pulse. I felt and knew what the ambulance officers were thinking of each other and how they viewed each other generally, although they were not known to me in that way. Of course this could only be verified if they wanted to own up to their judgments!

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     There were 3 things in the experience that may all be the astral realm but seemed very different from each other. The first was out in space with the feeling of the gentle warmth of the sun on my back but the Earth was shown from a light realm so it consisted of light energy. The 2nd was a darkness where I was aware of the enormity of the universe and how the Earth's ocean represented each of us as a drop of water in the universe. The 3rd was a feeling of flying rapidly over green grassed hills but seen from a soul perspective without physicality in any way. The other 'place' was different entirely from those other experiences and happened in-between and was the most still and quiet yet unbelievably busy place all at the same time. I call it the void because it was everything there ever is and was and infinite possibilities exist from there. The stillness and pristine clarity of it amazed me at the time. I asked questions that were answered before I had finished forming them and I could also 'see' a contained thought-bubble kind of thing that was connected with Earth and everything I wanted to know about Earthly things came from there. It sat within the real universe like a collection of experiences and beliefs. When I asked questions I felt the energy of the answer moving towards me at massive speed.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Space took on a much larger meaning and time did not exist, in fact during most of the experience I did not remember I had just come from a time realm.