EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:
I was born with a rare heart disease (Tricuspid Atresia). I was expected to be
born still, but I survived and was born blue instead. When I was about four
years old I was old enough to go through an open heart surgery to fix my heart.
I was admitted early on that I may or may not live through the surgery (even
though I was only four, my mother felt it would be best if I knew the truth
right away).
I was sitting on the
table in my surgical gown while my doctor was talking to my mother. After a few
minutes, the doctor tried telling me (while my mother was crying) that he would
put a mask over my face that would make me fall asleep right away, and I got to
pick out a flavor. He put the mask over my face, the scent came to me, and I
started counting backwards from 100, and fell backwards into the sleep.
I woke up after the
surgery in a bed (I'm not good with medical terms, but it seemed as if I woke up
in an incubator) there was a plastic dome all over my bed. I could feel the
wires in my chest. I looked to my left and right and realized I was in a waiting
room of sorts, and I started crying (but yet I wasn't, you can call it a
Kundalini experience. I was crying, but I had no idea why. I wasn't afraid, nor
was I in pain, and I had no control over myself. I literally laid there
wondering "Why am I crying?"). Two nurse rushed to my bedside, one checking me
and the other putting the mask back on me once again.
Next I wake up in a
normal children's hospital room. I am looking towards the corner of the room,
when suddenly it seems as if I am getting closer to the ceiling. Eventually I
realize I am, and I start to see a glowing light appear right in front of me. It
starts of small, but grows bigger and brighter the closer I get. Before fully
submerged in the glowing essence, I could tell something was going on in the
room, but I was not sure of what.
The white, warm glow
surrounds me. It is the purest white light you could ever see, glowing all
around you. I felt so comfortable, and so undoubtedly happy. I knew what was
going on, I knew it as a fact, not assuming. I was dead. It felt like a long
time before I was spoken to. It was not verbally, nor did I see anyone/anything
else around me. I was being spoken from within my own heart. It is hard to
describe without sounding like I am making a conversation with myself, but
that's what it was. It was like my inner conscience was talking to me. It asked
"Are you ready to come home?" I knew it meant death. I thought about it, I
really did, I thought so hard and for what seemed like hours I contemplated. Do
I really want to die? This was the greatest feeling I had ever experienced, do I
want this feeling to end? My answer was 'no'. I wanted to live a life. As soon
as I answered 'no' (which was not done verbally, I doubt I even had anything
like a body at the time) I was immediately hit with, well, intuitions of the
future. Me and my mother would never be as close as we were then, I would find a
man I'd truly love and have 2 kids, but it would be hard and difficult, but
eventually, I would be at peace and love and happiness. Again, the inner
conscience 'spoke', and asked "Are you sure?". Again I contemplated for what
seemed like hours, now having this new level of understanding. (Could me and my
mother really never stay as close as we were? Would I really get the chance to
have kids, despite my heart?).. I chose 'Yes'.
My journey was the same, just backwards. This time I could hear doctors and
nurses talking, and machines going crazy. I looked behind and could see my own
body laying there cold, with the others cluttered all around me furiously trying
to revive me. I look back up towards the ceiling again, and 'close my eyes' once
I reached my body, and never woke up until morning.
Was
the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
Yes There is nothing that could ever fully explain how I was being talked
to. It was not me, and it came from my chest area, my heart. The words were
formed and understood there. It is so hard to explain, it is the most unique and
unforgettable things about the whole experience. The white, glowing light is
also hard to explain. It was warm, bright, and white but yet comfortable and
sending out nothing but love and warmth.
At
the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?
Yes Surgery was life threatening, basically died on the operating table.
At
what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness
and alertness?
The light began it, but as soon as I was spoken to was when I reached the
highest.
How
did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience
compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?
More consciousness and alertness than normal
If
your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was
different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please
explain:
The light began it, but as soon as I was spoken to was when I reached the
highest.
Did
your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect,
such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of
solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?
Yes I was able to see the brightness without discomfort. Though the glow was
white, it was not white.. so hard to explain really.
Did
your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any
aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness,
etc.)?
No During the experience I didn't even hear anything.
Did
you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?
Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience?
Utter most happiness. So joyful, it is hard to think I passed it down
at times.
Did
you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?
No No tunnel, just 'floated' towards a white light that brightened and
broadened.
Did
you see a light?
Yes Incredibly bright, and white.. yet not white.. hard to describe.. it was
so warm and so beautiful.
Did
you meet or see any other beings?
Uncertain I was talked to from within. After it happened, and when I
learned religion, I thought it to be of God. I personally feel it to be more of
an inner conscience 'talking' to me. But I never saw anyone/thing else.
Did
you experience a review of past events in your life?
No
Did
you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience
that could be verified later?
Yes After I was first spoken to, I immediately had the intuitions of future
events. It has held true. I am almost 20 now, and me and my mothers relationship
is to the pits, only talked to her twice on since I moved out when I was 18. I
am with my significant other (which has been hard) and I have 2 wonderful kids
through him.
Did
you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or
dimensions?
No Just white light.
Did
you have any sense of altered space or time?
Yes It seemed like a long time, yet no time at all. I was only four, though,
too, so that may give fault on my end.
Did
you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes I had intuitions of future events.
Did
you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?
No I 'floated' to a white light, but had no feeling of unable to proceed.
Did
you become aware of future events?
Yes
Yes, as soon as I answered, I had intuitions of future events.
Everything that had come to me has come true.
Did
you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience
you did not have prior to the experience?
Yes Since then I can have intuitions about the future. Such as with my
significant other. The first time we ever hugged each other, it felt like an
hour passed, and within that hour I 'knew' we would have a really hard
separation, and then we will become extremely close and will marry. The
separation has happened, we are engaged. That is just one example.
Have you shared this experience with others?
Yes I do not remember when or who I first told, but I do know I didn't tell
anyone for a while. I doubted anyone would believe me (I never knew of NDE till
a while later)
Did
you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?
No
How
did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it
happened:
Experience was definitely real It was definitely real, no doubt about it. The
feeling, emotions, and everything was all too real to be anything else.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or
significant to you?
The
conversation especially, but the whole experience is extremely meaningful to me.
How
do you currently view the reality of your experience:
Experience was definitely real It was definitely real, no doubt about it. The
feeling, emotions, and everything was all too real to be anything else.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
Yes
Almost immediately after, me and my mother started to fall apart. I almost
immediately realized what every kid has to go through, your parent is not a
superhero, they are not the end all and be all. The NDE helped me to realize
there is more beyond and past her.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your
experience?
No
I
was raised without religion, and though I have claimed it to be God talking to
me, I feel it is not and hold no religion.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life,
medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?
No
Is
there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?
Not
that I can say.
Did
the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and
comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes I would say so.
Are
there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?
It's set up pretty good as it is.
