John L's NDE

Experience description: 

After I was stabbed, my sister drove me to the hospital which is located a little over a mile from were it happened. The whole time she was screaming at me not to die I was coughing up blood, but trying to remain calm.  I could feel my body starting to shut down with my arms and legs feeling very numb.  As the energy left my body I looked up to see the traffic lights that marked the entrance to the hospital emergency room, they seemed so far away.  I remember telling my sister, "I'm not going to die, but you better hurry, Connie."  I leaned forward and laid my head on my arm; the index and middle fingers of my right hand where inserted into the wound.  The warmth of my blood felt good against my cold skin and I asked myself, "So, this is it?"  My sister's screams where the last conscious sounds I remember.

I closed my eyes and prepared myself for whatever was coming.  My faith taught that there would be a bright light and peace.  I guess that's what I waited for.  Instead, I seemed to focus on the little lights you see whenever you close your eyes real hard.  At first they where moving around really fast, but then they began to slow down and become fewer and fewer, until there were only one left. 

As this single pinpoint of light bounced around my field of vision, it left a trail that seemed to build upon itself and create geometric or web-like patterns.  In my mind these shapes were two-dimensional, but they seemed to grow in size and intensity until they became three-dimensional.  I reached out to see if I could touch these shapes.  Behind what I saw grew a yellowish-brown light that had a feeling of its own.  It seemed to beacon to me and was very soothing.  At that point I was not afraid.

I felt myself move through the patterns left by the light, almost as you would walking through a cobweb infested house/room, but I never felt any sensation of being touched.  The movement sensations increased until I was traveling at incredible speeds!  I'm reminded of pictures of astronaut training when they are in a large centrifuge.  But, I was moving through something.  I can't say if it was a tunnel, or tube, or large open space, but I was just MOVING! 

I could hear voices saying to me to "Remember" and "You have to let them know" and "You are being shown."  There seemed to be many voices coming from different sources, but the underlying message was to pay attention to what I was going to see and I was suppose to remember. "DO NOT FORGET!"  I began to think about my life and I wandered if it was going to be like my auntie used to tell me that our lives would be played back and we would be judged accordingly.  But as I was thinking about it I could SEE all of the things I did throughout my life just as they happened but faster; showing the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Everything I was proud of and every dirty little secret I kept hidden from everybody.  But, there it was, only this time I felt remorse, fear, and shame for my indiscretions.  I could understand very clearly that we all have negative things in our past, but became aware that we must account for all that we do. 

I could see people below me at what felt like another level.  I didn't feel as though I were floating above them, but just that I was at a higher viewing position, but my feet rested on air.  I could see thousands and thousands, if not millions of people moving about aimlessly.  Each person emitted strong feelings of foreboding, pain, and fear.  "These are the lost," a voice told me.  Then, as though it was reading my mind, "This IS real."  I began to feel afraid.  But even my fear paled compared to what I felt coming from the people.  "What is waiting for me?" I wandered. 

I could feel my intoxication level increase.  "Drunker than you can ever imagine!"  I was out of control.  I wanted something, someone, to hold onto.  I could hear laughing and giggling that seemed almost child-like.  But, it carried an air of seduction.  As though it wanted me to think it was something it wasn't.  But, my drunkenness controlled my inhibitions.  I felt a form come towards me that was not male or female; young or old; living or dead.  I felt like it was mocking me each time it laughed. 

It made me mad, but at the same time I was overcome with a strong desire to have sex with this being.  Again it laughed.  "You fucking bitch!"  It came closer.  I began to caress it and kiss it.  I felt even drunker, even more out of control.  My mind was telling me this was ALL wrong.  Everything I had been taught to be good and right was now not making any sense.  When I looked down at the being I was REALLY SCARED!!!!  My strong sexual desire was taking control even though I felt everything was wrong about this "person."  Wrong age (it appeared very young - childish), wrong sex (I'm heterosexual), and wrong morally (it exuded evil).  It seemed to feel my apprehension. 

As it lay down and began spreading its legs it began to grow into a woman.  Like none I had never seen!  Very seductive and beautiful.  She pulled me down with tremendous strength and kissed me hard on my neck and shoulder.  Again she laughed!  This time it was VERY intentional.  I could feel the pain begin to return to my chest.  I looked down.  There was blood everywhere! The being began to bath in it!  I felt something grab me.  "Get out of here!"  "What are you doing here?"  I was surrounded by people tugging and pulling on me.  "Why are you here?"  I looked down and the woman was gone.  In her place was a little girl who sat up and smiled at me.  I felt like I was in real trouble; that I had done something wrong.  Was I evil?  The blood continued to flow.  I frantically looked around for help.  There was none.  The people began pushing me away and yelling at me.  "Remember to tell them."

"He's conscious!" was the next thing I heard.  "What your name?"  "What's your social security number?"  "How where you stabbed?"  "Do you know the person who stabbed you?"  The questions seemed endless.  But, I was alive!  This is how my new life began.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  Uncertain

      Explanation:  Alcohol

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  Yes

      Describe:  I was stabbed in the upper, left chest that punctured my lung and cut my pulmonary vein.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Very Alert!

Was the experience dream like in any way?  Only in the way things appeared to morph, or change.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Uncertain

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I never saw myself form the outside.  But, I did not feel as though I were still in my body.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Peace, then tremendous FEAR!

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  Not with my ears.  I felt a lot of noises.  They were more telepathic.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I move through something, although it did not feel tunnel-like.

Did you see a light?  Yes

      Describe:  yellowish-brown

Did you meet or see any other beings?  Yes

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  Yes

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  Not beautiful.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I have always wandered how long I was gone.  Form where I went out to the ER could not have been more than a couple of minutes, but it seemed as though I were out for a long time.  Hours?

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  Biological life is NOT the only consciousness.  There is another side and we will be held accountable for all that we do during our time here.  Heaven, or what ever you choose to call it, does exist and is real.  So is HELL (or whatever you choose to call it).

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I was told to "remember."  At the time I didn't know why.  That could have been the decision to return me.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I have become VERY sensitive to people who feel "lost."  I am often asked to speak with young people about the decisions they make now and the afterlife.  Many have expressed that I say things that I could not have possibly know about them.  I didn't do this before.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I have since gone into recovery for alcoholism (4 years of sobriety) and have completed the course work necessary to obtain my Master's of Arts in Teaching.

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  I appreciate my life.  I have come to enjoy the bounty that God has given me.  My world of selfishness and excess has given way to enjoying being a husband to my beautiful wife, a father to my two gorgeous kids, and an obedient servant to the Lord God, Almighty.  I feel I have finally become responsible and accountable.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Very supportive.  I have yet to meet anyone tell me I'm "full of beans."

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Remorse.  Adulation.  Peace.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Best - becoming free from my addictions to be a good husband and father.

Worst - All of the physical consequences: diminished lung capacity, weight gain.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  It is strange how I had to  die in order to learn how to live.  I guess I wasn't paying attention my first time around.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  I am more focused and sure of the future of me and my family.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  I can not think of anything that was not covered.