Jerry W's NDE

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Experience description: 

I was in agony. As I was trying very hard to sleep to get away from the pain, I simply noticed a weird silence. It seemed to take me a while to realize that I could no longer hear my heart beating. It was SO quiet. Then I was suddenly near the roof of my room gazing down on my body with total disregard. There was no fear, pain, or feelings to speak of at all, except a sort of surprise or wonder. Then I recognized me. But I remember not really caring one way or the other. In the next instant I was somewhere entirely different. I seemed to be suspended in space if you can imagine... with my back against a wall... or actually a perfectly parallel plane that went everywhere. (I couldn't discern an ending to it in its own planar dimension in either of the four directions I could easily observe.) I couldn't seem to move. The wall was not exactly "white" but it was more the color of ice. It seemed to be very smooth and impenetrable.

I sensed that there were "things to be seen" if I were to turn and look into this wall. I tried three times. Each time a hand on my right shoulder from my back stopped me firmly but not painfully. In fact it was then and only then, that I realized that for the first time in years, I had zero pain. There was no anxiety, or depression. There was this almost "disconnected" sense of peace. I actually liked being there. Then suddenly I saw my two young daughters, and I remember thinking "they still need me". It was so odd. Then suddenly all that pain came back with vengeance. At first I felt anger to be back. But I couldn't do anything at all about it. So I just had to accept the situation.

After getting a lot of electrolytes back into my system I felt a bit stronger though the pain never let up. It took several weeks to get to a point where I knew I was going to live past that illness.  Every since then I seem to write a ton of poetry... about anything I want to etc. I never seem to experience any "blocks" etc. But I used to write a little as a kid... nothing like now though. I did have to tell my pain management doctor to change his question used to evaluate pain. "On a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is death.... where is your pain ?" he used to say. Now he just asks me where I would put the number, and I imagine a horrible pain. Apparently it actually doesn't hurt us when we die. Perhaps the brain blocks immediately.

But I would like to know whose hand was upon my shoulder... of course I could theorize... but as a scientist.... I cannot truly say. My faith tells me it was a loving hand. That's all I seem to need to know at this point. No person could ever convince me that God is not real. Not now. I've seen too many things before and since etc. Still, the experience was very weird... and impossible to prove. I suffered no apparent physical damage of a permanent nature. Since then I have had to put some early experiences with what I always thought were nightmares... into a wider path of speculation... but that's a whole different area of research. I only told a few people.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Uncertain

 Clearly, I was recovering from a critical reaction to a medication that nearly killed me,

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes

I was EXTREMELY weak, barely able to walk at times.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           It all felt completely REAL and concrete.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Not at all.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No response

I could not tell whether I had a body or not.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           I remember zero auditory sounds except at the beginning and at the end. (Heartbeat)

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No

Did you see a light?           Yes

 Already explained. A wall of light... like the color of ice.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain

 Someone or something touched me.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No response

That place was like being in outer space... pressed against a wall of light. Incredible really..

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Time seemed to stop.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No

Not that I can recall to any specificity..

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes

Like I said... I couldn't cross it...  tried three times by turning to my right... prevented three times in exactly the same way... never tried "harder" for some reason...

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain

Just felt that my girls needed me to live...

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain

I had ZERO control of when things "happened"...

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

Just write a LOT....

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

I have never been afraid of death. But I was always afraid of dying. (the process seems so awful) I no longer fear that change.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       Not a lot... over all...  I think about it a lot...

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

VERY FEW. There are too many people who just don't want to hear about it.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Few.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best was when I realized I was out of pain !   Worst was when it all came back.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        No...  I have covered everything I can remember..

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

 Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Excellent form. No need for a narrative...