Jake NDE

EXPERIENCE DESCRIPTION:

I had gotten stuck on a very large rope swing near a friends house, my shoe was stuck in the loop and the harder I pulled the more my shoe came off. I was suspended 25 foot in the air and the only thing holding me up were my arms that were quickly getting tired. If my hands let go, and my foot still stuck, would flip me upside down I would fall 25 feet straight down head 1st to the ground. As my fingers slipped further and further I kept trying to pull of foot free and at the last second my shoe came off and my hands slipped to the very bottom of the rope. My heart racing and my palms sweaty from that narrow escaped I started plotting my descent, looking for a safe landing site free of debris.

Thinking to just drop feet 1st, but now with only 1 shoe I favored my right foot so as I fell I landed with both feet and both hands hitting the ground at the same time. It had only felt like my ankles and wrists were sprang, but I kept not looking at my right hand, like I unconsciously knew something was wrong. Then I did a triple take staring at my right arm, I thought it was a branch and wondered how I landed so close to it because I made sure the area was clear. I then spent several minutes tracing and re-tracing the thing back to my shoulder in disbelief. It didn't hurt, therefore it cannot be true. Even at that time I could only suspect the nerve was severely pinched off. I had cleanly dislocated my right hand ,at the wrist, from my arm with the skin stretch so tight it was translucent and you could clearly see the bones in the joints. As I slowly lost my composure I tried to keep myself busy, looking for my shoe, trying to keep from getting dirt all over myself, find my shoe and attempting to put it on, all without trying to move my arm a millimeter.

I kept trying to get to my knees and I couldn't do it without moving my arm so after 15 mins of frustration I moved it slightly.

Suddenly I was washed over with a sickness in my gut, like I was going to throw up. Then I started gagging like I was dry heaving, but then it didn't stop/relax and kept intensifying over the next several minutes. Until the gagging was so intense that my tongue was clearly visible 6 inches out of my mouth like a cartoon and then suddenly it folded over and I swallowed it. The pain only kept intensifying, and I kept telling myself it hurts but it will relax then I'll be able to take a breath finally. And I kept waiting, realizing I had swallowed my own tongue but still thinking I would be fine, but then I started to think what if it doesn't stop? And like an internal clock that had been ticking, waiting the usual time for a moment for a breath from vomiting was up, I started to get concerned. I can only guess how long I waited till I started getting desperate, I tried to use my good hand to physically pull my tongue out by trying to shove my fingers in my mouth, but the shuddering of the convulsion was too violent by then and I only poked myself in the eye very hard, seemingly blinding that eye. As I started to approach having gone longer than I had ever gone without breathing I started begging to live, pleading, bargaining, rationalizing that I'm too young. Also thinking of all the things I wouldn't get to accomplish and see and do, of all of the people I would leave behind and seeing flashing images of them all in the blink of an eye. And a voice in my head that was mine but someone else was saying things, responding to all that I was saying, answering, explaining and questioning me in a calm tone, where I was anything but calm at that point. At this point the pain was so bad now I couldn't stand it, the best of my recollection as my mind wont allow me to remember this part fully, I could feel all of my internal organs individually, crushing together painfully, my lungs felt as if they would explode, and I went from begging to live, to truly and honestly begging to die quickly. Then I got calm and the panic fled from me, the pain was numbing but my body was still rigid as a statue at that point as if I couldn't move an inch even if I wanted to.

As the voice in my head, that wasn't my own, said its final words, "Besides what do you have to live for?"

I replied, "? uh, nothing?" but it was as if I knew I was lying, as if the question wasn't actually poised to me, but my heart. My mind was muddle but my heart was true. Again flashing images of everyone I ever knew, then I saw a vivid image of a graveyard, very vibrant dark green grass, I think it was raining, and a large gathering of people dressed in black around an open grave, someone was being buried. I immediately knew it was my grave and I saw all those people feeling so terrible. I thought the pain I had been feeling was too much. But seeing those people, I couldn't bare it, it hurt me more than anything I could ever begin to imagine, all of their pain immediately became mine and all of the calm I had felt fled from me as quickly as it had came and a righteous fury like nothing Ive ever known consumed me. I cursed everything, I cursed god himself and I furiously declared " I wont let this happen! I wont let it!"

I then felt as if I was on fire, but not in a painful way. Again another moment I have problems fully recalling, somehow I could then move for whatever reason and proceeded I believe to twist my arm and re-pinch the nerve so the pain and the gagging stopped and my tongue relaxed and came out as well. I then took my weak left arm, which I'm right handed, so I used my left hand like a hammer and struck my right wrist and set the bones back into place. There was a still burning sensation from my right wrist but it was nothing after what I had just gone thru. I still kept my right wrist perfectly still, but I just sat there. I don't know how long but I just sat there trying to not go crazy, trying to not believe what had just happened. Briefly thinking to myself this would make a great story, then realizing I can never tell to anyone and vowed to take it to my grave. Thinking, somehow knowing I shouldn't know what that is like, I shouldn't have knowledge of something like what I just experienced. Like and anchor, like a weight, a burden to carry. The burden of knowledge crushing me, almost driving me insane right there. Thinking I got to forget this, never talk about, the sooner I forget the better, I cant walk till I do. Seemingly I succeeded. All I could hear was the chattering of an unknown amount of voices in my head, none of them making any sense but at the same time distracting me from forming any clear thoughts or actions. Finally after a long time one voice started to drown them out, my own."  Get up. Get up, its not over. Its not over yet, get up!" Back to my house I went praying someone would be home, thinking that was the end, that the worst was behind me. I was wrong

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     Thoughts and emotions beyond description and beyond full recollection.

Knowledge, wisdom, and emotions far beyond my ability to understand or to formulate into words, as if these things call only be known if you personally experience them yourself. And even then, they only remain fully known subconsciously and affect you in ways you are not quite sure of. All of that as well as part of it being a severely repressed memory.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     I had narrowly evaded certain quick death, only to fall into a painfully slow one.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I believe that part is self evident in the story

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I believe that part is self evident in the story

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  No      

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Fear, Anxiety, Utter and Complete Hopelessness, Sorrow, Anger, Rage, Regret, Total serenity

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      Voice inside my head

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     Words cannot describe, the wisdom, knowledge, foresight, humility, compassion, empathy, strength, courage.

Actually things went down hill after the experience and took many years to, I wouldn't say over come, but more like grow into what I had learned.

A saying I've come up with, you have to go threw hell before you can recognize heaven.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes    

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            That everyone is constantly at war with themselves. That we are our own worst enemies, we know all too well our own fears and our own weaknesses and we prey upon ourselves with that knowledge unconsciously manifested as our doubts.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Uncertain
            Just déjà vu, ridiculously long bouts of déjà vu. Less and less the older I get.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Uncertain      15 years later and only partially, no one has ever heard the full story. I would always gloss over the really bad stuff. Until several years ago, no one ever knew I almost died.

But even then, they have no idea the extent of the whole experience and they never will.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I had another NDE before this one involving a head injury and an out of body experience.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was probably not real         Immediately after it happened I had already pushed the worst stuff out, only 15 years later did I start to remember more.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    I believe the experience speaks for itself on this part.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    Ive had other NDE's to compare it to, but this one was a pivotal defining moment

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     Most friendships destroyed

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?            No           

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No       This experience was unique

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I repressed the memory of the specifics of the injury, only remembering I had set the wrist after I had fallen and never really thought anything about it thereafter, until a certain conversation many years later.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain      The questions really limit the ability to fully express what you want to say, perhaps a explanation box on each question?

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   Ask about defining moments

on a scale how profound was this experience, etc.